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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to be worried sick about DH

63 replies

excitedforbaby9 · 12/01/2020 23:27

DH had a bad cold/flu over Christmas. He is all better now. However, last week he was complaining about about how his body felt achy and fatigued, then on Friday he lost his appetite and has barley ate anything over the weekend. Since Thursday night he has had drenching night sweats which soak the bedding :(. But his cold/flu is long gone. I’ve just got up out of bed as he has drenched the bedding and is very sweaty to the touch after one hour in bed. For some reason he will NOT ever go to the GP, i lost a friend to lymphoma many years ago who presented these symptoms. I’m worried sick and 21 weeks pregnant. He said I’m not normal for worrying so much about his symptoms! Even if it’s an infection of some sort i think it’s selfish to not go and get checked as i don’t want to catch anything that could harm the baby. AIBU?

OP posts:
karencantobe · 13/01/2020 01:01

There are lots of causes of night sweats, Not just one or two as you might think from this thread.

managedmis · 13/01/2020 01:05

Never mind bloody men, he sounds like a bloody fool to me

karencantobe · 13/01/2020 01:13

Will he look up his symptoms on google? I do and that sometimes makes me go to the GP. I sound like your DH as I think people go to the GP far too easily with what are self limiting illnesses. But I do find the NHS website gives good advice about when you do need to see a GP.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/01/2020 01:36

I think he’s being unreasonable not to go to the doctor, but your reaction to his decision is OTT and, he’s right, pretty controlling. So YABU too.

Original poster
excitedforbaby9 · 13/01/2020 01:40

I just went upstairs and we had to change the bedding, absolutely sopping wet down to the mattress, you could ring out the sweat from the duvet. He has now decided he wants to see a doctor tomorrow, thankfully.

OP posts:
Original poster
excitedforbaby9 · 13/01/2020 01:44

Sorry if my reaction does seem controlling :( I’m in panic mode as he has all the same things as my friend who died from cancer. I think i am more panicky than usual because I’m pregnant too. I’m just glad he is seeing a doctor. I’ll keep you updated with the outcome.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 13/01/2020 01:55

If he changes his mind by the morning you would be justified in going nuclear!

1forAll74 · 13/01/2020 01:57

If your Husband had the real influenza,it can take quite a while for all symptoms to leave the body, even though you think that the cold or fluey thing has cleared up.

I am an oldie now, but on two occasions in my life years ago,I had influenza, and I was knocked out for several weeks with similar symptoms that your husband has. I didn't visit a doctor either !

Last time I went to a doctors surgery, was about 28 years ago, and that was just to register at a new one when I moved house.

kmammamalto · 13/01/2020 02:14

My FIL had exactly this before Xmas.and it was an infection in the valve of his heart spread to spinal cord. Admitted to hospital for 6 weeks on antibiotic drip amoung other things. It may take more than one trip to the doc though! Fil needed a scan to identify

Original poster
excitedforbaby9 · 13/01/2020 02:20

Sorry to hear about your FIL, hope he’s feeling better. I understand it will take more than one trip but it’s a start actually getting him there :)

OP posts:
PhilCornwall1 · 13/01/2020 02:21

Can you ring 111 for some advice?

No, as it's not about her, but about someone else and the call handler will want to speak to him. If he refuses to do that, call over.

eaglejulesk · 13/01/2020 02:32

It sounds like flu to me, but glad he is going to the doctor to get it sorted. You are overreacting all the same.

whatdoyouthinkyouknow · 13/01/2020 03:07

It sounds like a weakened immune system from the flu.

My DH is just as stubborn with seeing a doctor. I usually ring the receptionist and explain his stubbornness, she makes him an appointment and I tell him.

Taking away the responsibility for the initial contact seems to work.

Once the appointment is made he either has to go or phone to cancel. He usually goes. I refuse to cancel for him.

minesagin37 · 13/01/2020 03:12

It's more likely flu symptoms. I don't think social media helps in these sort of situations as you hear worse case scenario stories from everyone.

whataballbag · 13/01/2020 03:13

Hope he sticks to making an appointment op

PhilCornwall1 · 13/01/2020 04:28

I don't think social media helps in these sort of situations as you hear worse case scenario stories from everyone.

Dr Google should be avoided too. By the time you finish on there looking up symptoms, you'll convince yourself you have the Plague!

blackcat86 · 13/01/2020 04:53

I think you're being ridiculous as this is far more likely to be viral than lymphoma. DH had this a few weeks ago with he caught hand foot and mouth from DD. Using emotional blackmail regarding your own anxiety and how it could affect your pregnancy or baby is quite unpleasant. Its not for your DH to bend to your whims to make you feel better, it's your responsibility to work on your anxiety levels including accessing counselling if needed. He's a grown up and he can choose whether to see a doctor or not.

EnglishRose13 · 13/01/2020 08:24

This sounds very similar to how I was last week. It came on suddenly on New Year's Eve and I'm still not right now (though loads better). I've never known tiredness like it! It's my birthday so I used that as an excuse to have a long weekend, as I was exhausted after working four days.

I hope he's just got the same and it's not anything serious.

corythatwas · 13/01/2020 09:06

Yes of course he needs to see the doctor.

But you also need to think a little bit about how you handle illness, not least now you are also going to be a parent. Children get sick, they depend on you to stay calm and rational and reassuring. They need their mum to be a rock.

Being calm is probably a good idea with your dh too, not that you should think of yourself as his mum (certainly not!), just that generally coming across as calm and reasonable will make him more likely to listen to you.

HolesinTheSoles · 13/01/2020 09:45

YANBU it could be lots of things but definitely warrants a trip to the GP. As a new father he has a responsibility to take his health seriously.

karencantobe · 13/01/2020 10:04

People are talking about lots of worse case scenarios because these symptoms are very common and by themselves usually indicate a viral infection. Serious illnesses usually have other specific symptoms as well. The NHS website is better than google. They tell you if you need to see a Dr or not.

CakeandCustard28 · 13/01/2020 10:04

My DH is the same. He had a lump on his face for years which we feared was cancer and was really bothering him, in the end I made him a doctors appointment and drove him there. It wasn’t cancer but he was much happier after it was sorted. Can you possibly do that? Just take him there.

Original poster
excitedforbaby9 · 13/01/2020 10:54

He spoke to his GP on the phone this morning, he’s sent him for bloods immediately today and then we are seeing the doctor afterwards. Thanks for the support last night.

OP posts:
HolesinTheSoles · 13/01/2020 11:01

Great update OP. It's probably absolutely nothing or something minor but it's good he's having it investigated.

GaaaaarlicBread · 13/01/2020 11:06

You’re not being unreasonable at all. My husband is the same though, he never goes to the dr , never has time off work . He once had a big lump on his back and was in agony and wouldn’t go to the dr because he’s a nurse and says he can’t afford to be ill ! We’ve been together 6 years , it’ll be 7 years this May and he has never been to the drs in all this time . Eventually the lump went and I think it was a slipped disk but i can tell you know if that was you or I sweating the bed wet and fatigued , our husbands would march us to the Drs !!

I hope your husband is ok and he comes round ! X