Should posters be discouraged from reporting rape and sexual assault?

[hatfullofmallow]

Posted here because I wasn't sure where to put it.

I've seen a few posts recently where posters disclosing rape and sexual assault have been discouraged from reporting to the police.

Now I don't think we should be pretending that this is going to be a wonderful experience and victims always get the right result but that shouldn't mean we're telling people there's no point reporting.

I really feel like that's counter productive and more people should be encouraged and supported to report their attackers.

I didn't want to derail threads where people were asking for support to discuss this.
AIBU?

It really depends
It’s truly is a case by case basis

Without generalising or giving examples

But it’s a fair and valid question
To ask .

I think this is a forum where people can express their opinions. I would never report a rape and I think it's fine to say that. I think people need to hear different views.

It’s a chat forum, people are going to offer their opinion from their own perspective.

Their reality. The reality is what people are talking about. The reality is the stats. The reality is you’ll have your knickers held up in court (if it ever gets to court) and insinuations will be made that you clearly ‘wanted’ it. About your previous sexual partners, how you like to have sex, what Instagram pictures you put up. Vaginal swabs. Your case file paperwork going missing. Different police officers dealing with your case. No ‘evidence’. He said/she said.

They should neither be encouraged nor discouraged, just have their options explained to them.

People with experience can advise as to whether there is enough corroboration to make it easier.

Later crimes are never a woman's fault if she chooses not to report, it isn't her responsibility.

No of course not but it has to be down to the person no one should feel under pressure to make a report it can be a harrowing ordeal for some as it’s often not just about the person but complex family dynamics

On another thread I felt there was pressure on some posters to report historical abuse that they were aware of (they too were children at the time)

They need support in how they deal with what they witnessed or were made aware of they are not in any way responsible for any abuse that may continue even to this day. They will not have been the only ones who were aware adults would have been too it’s a terrible secret to have to carry for a child

What I think is really damaging is the insinuations that a woman who does not go on to report a sexual assault/rape should somehow shoulder some blame for any future assaults that a rapist may carry out.

That really is damaging.

What are you proposing? That MN bans posters from giving their opinions?

They shouldn’t be anything other than supportive for the OP. And they should never be “think of all the other people he might go on to attack” shitty victim blaming type ones. The reality for many is that the act of reporting can be almost as traumatic as the rape itself and it’s okay for people to warn someone of that.

I think victims should be aware of how difficult it can be reporting and often they go without justice.

I've never been raped but sexual assault yes. I haven't reported because I know I wouldn't make a good victim. It's also a cost vs benefits excersise. If I felt more harmed then perhaps I might have reported.

I think forums such as this are a good safe space for people to talk about what has happened and work out with others if it will be woth it to report.

I don't personally think we should say people should or people shouldn't contact the police. That should be up to the OP. We should be supportive. Signposting support charities is helpful and I think it's ok to say they could go to the police if they want to.

I don't think they should be encouraged or discouraged

Just supported in whatever decision they make.

Agree with PPs it shouldnt be encouraged or discouraged either way. Just encouraged to do what feels right for them but people need to know their options and to feel like they don't have to feel guilty if they don't report. I think it's coming from a good place from posters who don't want the victim retraumatised or to feel responsible for the rapists/assaulters actions.

I dont think they should be told to do it or told not to do it, but they should be told the facts about prosecution rates, conviction rates, and what is likely to happen if it does go to court.

I wouldnt report it personally

I reported it because it was something I felt I needed to do, so I got some small satisfaction from that. But my case was handled in the most minimal way by the police. I was talked to in a very sexist way by one particular officer. And my case was dropped after months of not very much happening, which was a psychological blow. So I'm not sure the police are always the right place to go unless you have video evidence, social media evidence, witnesses, no relationship with the abuser etc, etc.

I'd never come on here to tell others not to report. But just take a look at rape conviction rates before you put yourself through it would be my advice.

I've only seen what you mention as a reaction to shouty,aggressive,bullying and shaming demand that OP "must report".

No one should really encourage or discourage a rape victim to do anything. They can offer support, suggest options and where/how to access help.

On the issue of reporting they should take their cue from OP. Some women consider it, some women definitely want to report, some are adamant that they don't, some are confused or unsure.

We should be supportive of women who don't want to report. That's not the same as discouraging them.

We should share what we know about the process. If that ends up being discouraging, blame the godawful justice system.

I never reported mine and I've never regretted it. It would have been far too traumatising.

As for stopping the rapist going on to abuse again, my reporting achieved no such thing. There is only a note on his police file that an allegation was made. Might not even show up on a DBS check. He wasn't questioned, his partner wasn't informed.

I've never seen a post here from a victim whose case would stand a chance of securing a conviction for rape. I have no idea why posters advise them to report. Surely it's just going to add to the trauma.

I don’t think it’s as simple as that in most cases, the reality of reporting rape is that you face deep scrutiny, you have to relive this very traumatic event over and over again in elaborate detail. You are examined physically. If your case goes to trial then you are grilled relentlessly by the defence, it might be that your sexual history is dragged out as evidence and used to try and discredit you. And only a very small percentage of cases result in convictions, and if you lose then you’re called a liar.

In an ideal world women would always report their attacks, they’d be believed, the process would be smooth and supportive, there would be more convictions - but the reality is a different story unfortunately.

I think it’s more the case that posters want to warn victims about the reality of this, as you need to be aware what you’re going into. Particularly as quite a few MNetters have been through it themselves.

I get why posters say go to the police, often they are trying to get through to the OP how serious their assault was if the OP is in shock or denial. Going to the police is supposed to be the right thing to do. But the reality of it is very different from what these posters imagine.

I would never discourage. But I would never encourage, because of how traumatic the process is. Posters ordering victims to report to police in a demanding way probably puts them off doing so anyway. I hate when guilt-tripping is used as well ('you HAVE to report or he'll do it to another woman'). It's wrong.

I know about conviction rates etc and I absolutely agree that people should know what is likely to happen if they do decide to report.

And of course people should be supported to do whatever they decide. I don't blame people who choose not to report at all and absolutely understand that decision.

But what I've seen including tonight is someone saying don't bother reporting and that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Equally op, people who insist that a woman must report to the police makes me feel uncomfortable.

There can be an undertone of... ‘If you don’t report it, then maybe you don’t really believe you were raped?’ That can come across. It comes from a simplistic view point of people who see the world as it should work, not what people know to happen.