Should posters be discouraged from reporting rape and sexual assault?

[hatfullofmallow]

Posted here because I wasn't sure where to put it.

I've seen a few posts recently where posters disclosing rape and sexual assault have been discouraged from reporting to the police.

Now I don't think we should be pretending that this is going to be a wonderful experience and victims always get the right result but that shouldn't mean we're telling people there's no point reporting.

I really feel like that's counter productive and more people should be encouraged and supported to report their attackers.

I didn't want to derail threads where people were asking for support to discuss this.
AIBU?

I can understand why someone would be reluctant to do so - for so many reasons

Last year a police officer spent twenty minutes on the phone to me telling how I def should NOT go to the police about my ex who abused me (all forms of abuse) for 15 months - most of this was during pregnancy

I was in two minds that day and she really upset me
I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing
I think some of her points were valid but to insist that someone should PUT IT BEHIND THEM AND MOVE ON?? Fck off 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Well if it were my daughters I'd think long and hard before advising them to report. The Stanford rape trial in the US and the Belfast rape trial in the UK confirmed me in my views. I thought I'd report a rape myself once I became older and less attractive but the Brett Kavanaugh hearings changed my mind on that.

How about the legal system changes how it deals with this - proactively instead of expecting young women to sacrifice themselves to save the legal system?

Then I might feel better about my child facing the utter crap faced by the belfast rape victim and the stanford rape victim and the cyprus rape victim.

I am in my 50s. in my 20s or 30s I would have absolutely said "report a rape". Now I'd say - mind yourself. you aren't responsible for the shit legal system - they are.

The girl raped by roman polanski said the trial was worse than the rape. And he was found guilty. That says it all.

But what I've seen including tonight is someone saying don't bother reporting and that makes me feel uncomfortable.

It should make you feel uncomfortable. your reaction should not be to push women to report but to change the circumstances they face once they report. Put your activism there - not into making women report rapes that won't be believed.

I would not report a rape and I have been raped and sexually assaulted before. I wouldn’t report it and generally when an op posts it’s clear they don’t want to report it either so I think it can be helpful for them to know it’s ok not to report it. I hate when people pressure the op to report in and on pretty much all of the threads I’ve read it’s clear it won’t go anywhere, which is why I wouldn’t report it.

I've never seen that on here - mostly the opposite in fact. While I wouldn't discourage anyone from reporting a rape, I wouldn't actively encourage it either. I've seen what the justice system does to victims

I've never seen that on here - mostly the opposite in fact.

Same, a particular thread springs to mind where OP stated she had no intention to report because she couldn't cope with it. There was still a pile on of dozens of posters saying she must report and to think of other possible victims coming up with various gruesome scenarios (including murder) in order to convince OP to do so. That's seriously fucked up.

I’ve never seen anyone being discouraged from reporting on here but I can totally understand why women wouldn’t want to report. I wouldn’t, and if I had daughters I wouldn’t encourage them to either.

But I think it’s far worse when women are told to report for the sake of other victims. As if not reporting somehow makes them complicit in the man doing it to someone else in future.

In fact on e.g. child abuse cases I have actually seen posters say that if someone doesn’t report even historical child abuse then they are in part to blame if the abuser had gone on to abuse others.

For those saying they've never seen people being told not to report. This is just from a couple of pages of a thread last night.

There were actually quite a few telling the OP they had a duty to report to protect others which really isn't ok either.

I would only advise someone to report it but ultimately it's upto the victim.
I've never been the victim of such a horrific crime, and I feel desperately sorry for anyone who has.
Therefore I can't imagine what the victim must be going through, although I would imagine that after going through such a traumatic ordeal then they would be too upset to want to deal with questions and intimate procedures, much less relive the ordeal in court if the attacker us ever brought to justice.
The victim's are extremely brave to go through that.
So, I would advise, but the choice is entirely the victim's choice, not mine.

@hatfullofmallow did OP state she wanted to report or that she was considering it?

If it took place in Cyprus I'd advise against reporting.

In the UK I think there can be the option to get evidence taken in a centre and you can then decide if you want to report. Not sure how widely available they are though.

I like to think that I would report it (can't possibly know if/until ever in that situation), but I FULLY understand why women wouldn't. I don't think advice either way should be given, just full support and care for whatever the person chooses for themselves. They need love and support in those moments, not judgement.

I don't see anything wrong in those screenshots. People are being honest about their own feelings and the chances of conviction.

There is what, a 5% chance that the man will actually be charged and then convicted? It's not wrong to tell women the ugly truth before she goes through the trauma of reporting.

Its one thing if the OP in those threads was absolutely determined to report and people were talking her out of it but usually the OP is uncertain.

I don't see anything wrong with those screen shots either.

The OP got a whole mix of opinions and advice, which is what people turn to the internet for.

I'd feel uncomfortable if all the advice was exactly the same. That would probably put her under pressure.

I was a victim of CSA and it’s a bloody nightmare to get a prosecution of something that happens in a darkened room in private. It’s just your word vs theirs which isn’t enough to fulfil the evidential burden required at law.

As is typical of CSA victims I was subsequently assaulted again and didn’t report it again. Felt there was no point and the legal process as traumatic as the abuse.

It’s a shitty system.

The criminal evidence act limits the use of a complainants sexual history as evidence, so there isnt now the discussions that did happen historically re a claimants sexual history and preferences during any criminal prosecution.

You've not experienced this, have you? I don't think you have any clue of the reality of what happens to women who report sexual assault.

Those screenshots are fine.

If I was asked for my view I too would share that I would never put myself through it again and don't think reporting sexual assault achieves anything except to further traumatise and effectively "punish" victims.

It is each individual's choice, but it should be an informed decision about the reality.

If the system was changed more people would report.

Throwing more people under the bus by pressuring them to report will never change the system.

The new thread in classics has caused some controversy among a FEW posters because posters who witnessed things in childhood won't do as they are told and report what they saw.
But consideration also has to be given to the victims and their needs and wants around reporting and disclosure, which is a valid concern often overlooked.
My child was the victim of a violent crime recently and we reported it, he genuinely thought the police would sort it out and get justice done. I cannot tell you how bitterly disappointed he is in their we do believe you but there's no CCTV so we'll never get enough evidence response.
It's shattered his faith in the police destroyed his self confidence and corroded his respect for the criminal justice system.
But everyone says you did the right thing reporting it, you had to report it.
Actually reporting it has only added to the trauma.

My mother was violently sexually assaulted at work, she had to report it and it went to court.
During the court proceedings she was intimidated by the family of the accused and even received threats at home. The defendant lawyer brought up her sex life and past partners and accused her of being a peadophile.

She ended up having a complete breakdown and was sectioned. The ramifications on her own health and our family has been devastating.
The assault was horrendous but the way she was treat afterwards was arguably worse. And this was a case that ended in a conviction, I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if he hadn't been convicted.

I think telling traumatised people to go to the police is naive, if that's what they want to do then we should support them but they should also be given the facts to how horrendous it could be.

I would not report. I would rather take my chances with street justice than with the current legal system for rape victims.

@ohwheniknow don't you dare presume you know anything about me or my experiences.

I am not in any way advocating that people be put under pressure to report but I still believe that telling a poster not to bother isn't ok either.

I'll leave it here because clearly most don't feel the same and don't see a problem with it.

I see a lot of posts that say something along the line of 'if you dont report it he'll donit to someone else'

That makes my blood boil. A woman should never feel she is responsible for her rapist's future behaviour

Following csa and that resulting process, I was damaged for years. The process was just as damaging as the sexual abuse.

A second prosecution was bought in my early twenties by my sister but I could not support my sister by joining in the case and being a witness and a victim again. My mother and sister were torn apart by the prosecution. I could not go through that again and i had a breakdown over the guilt of not being able to join in the prosecution and this did result in a conviction, so I felt I had denied myself justice also.

With my abusive ex husband I never thought of going to the police, ever. Just never, I been there, bought the t shirt and watched too many be pulled through the mill for rape, csa and domestic violence cases. These crimes have very low conviction rates. No I could not do it and on a thread I would be saying the above and why.

I would not advise another but I would say in plain words that I would not engage with the police and why. The cps have done more damage in my life, as have social services, camh and even being a ward of court as a child.

The experiences led me to study law which just confirmed the inbuilt assumptions and failings in the many processes and systems and things have got worse since I studied law 20 years ago. Case law is built on denying women and children justice.

I don't think anything meaningful has been tried to fix the system as it works for those in charge, mainly white and male. Why would they ever really change something that works in their favour?

Is it any coincidence that crimes involving women and children are dealt with so poorly, in a so called developed country in the 21st century? Is is any coincidence that ethnic minorities and lower classes receive even less justice and longer sentences if they commit a crime?

No I would not report a rape.

Reporting rape can add to the trauma, court cases are even worse, and with such a tiny chance of conviction, I couldn’t in good conscience encourage a woman to report it. That’s not to say I’d discourage it either, but I don’t think reporting it is some big fix that will make everything better.