To think having a January birthday shows you who your fair-weather friends are?

[SachaStark]

It was my 30th birthday yesterday (wooooo 🎉... paying for it today).

As his gift to me, my husband booked out my favourite restaurant in town, so that we could have a cocktail and tapas party for our friends and family. It was all arranged six weeks ago.

No problem at all with the people who said no immediately, because they knew they’d have other stuff on. But all day yesterday, I was fielding phone call after text message from friends saying they weren’t coming after all. I felt like saying, “Please stop messaging me, because you’re bumming me out all day on my birthday. Just don’t turn up!”

People doing dry January (you don’t HAVE to drink at my party, you could have a fizzy drink), one friend was off to a veganuary dinner party instead... DH originally wanted to get a bigger venue, but I said, “No, it’s January, people won’t come to fill it,” which he kind of scoffed at, and was surprised by how many people dropped out during the afternoon yesterday.

AIBU to think that January birthdays (though I do love mine, and I don’t have to get that bluesy feeling when Christmas is over) will show you which of your friends are fair-weather ones?

On a more positive note, I’m obviously very grateful that my family came, and a few of my closest friends: one drove five hours to come, and my best friend came for the meal, even though she has been unwell this week. Just made me a bit sad yesterday when so many people dropped out last minute.

I think its more like as you get older, people stop wanting to go out as much and noone gives a fuck about birthdays anymore. In your teens and twenties its any excuse to party, and after that its any excuse to stay home. If you judge a real friend by who wants to come out and party, thats a shame

Also its lurgy season

Having read lots of posts, there is clearly a message here, people really aren't nearly as interested in your birthday as you are.
Yabu to think people will want to celebrate it whatever time of year.
Yanbu to think people should just decline straight away.

I think yabu.
So many birthdays are not great either. May-Aug. Exams and summer holidays.
I only had a couple of parties as a child.
I do think Dec/Jan are both rubbish but more in terms of getting presents too close together.
I think the issue was at uni for eg contributing to drinks/presents for all other friends nights out etc then nothing on your own.

Seems like some times of the year get really used to big celebrations.
Drop outs is annoying barring illness etc.
I can see that 30/40 parties are not that big as so many have young kids.
Getting used to having the celebration another time/day etc builds resilience and flexibility.
We dont do any of the January rubbish though.

My DS is a January baby and I remember hoping I’d hang on til February to give birth - it felt not so bad somehow!? But DH is also a January baby and hates it when I slag off January birthdays!

It’s a shame people dropped out but as other posters have said, it happens regardless of the time of year. I’m glad you had enough people there to still make a success of the night though. Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday, @Fairycake2 🌺🧁🌺

December birthday here. 9 days before Xmas. I compete with office parties, partners work parties and no money left. I’ve given up organising parties.

Yanbu. Step mother in laws birthday today we are also buying a house this month and its tax bill. We still.made the effort *me and DP

@AuntyElle thank you 🙂

I don't think it has much to do with January and more to do with your friends being flakey arseholes.

My DP and a close friend both have Jan birthdays - I've booked a day off work to make the friends birthday because otherwise I was working shift til 8pm

Oh and I'm vegan she could have gone to a vegan party at any time

This happened to me in September for my 40th and for my hen do. I would rather people say they are not coming beforehand than be texting with rubbish excuses on the day. It seems really rubbish to pull out due to being ‘tired’ when one of my best friends was getting over a slipped disc and could barely stand but still came.

I hate flakiness like this. This is why I consider any invites carefully before saying yes to see that firstly i’m free and secondly I actually want to go. It’s rare for me to pull out, generally only if i’ve had a seizure on the day. However, I’m certain that for some people they put invites on a reserve list and pick the best option on the day, no matter how much organisation the other hosts may have done.

Yes, “if you wouldn’t want to attend this tomorrow, you won’t want to when the time comes, so don’t accept”.

Jan birthdays are good for receiving gifts though - sales!

Next year you should organise a big January birthday party for Mumsnetters.

This thread is brilliant! I’ve always assumed people didn’t like me enough to make the effort I hadn’t really thought that it was January.

It’s not me it’s the month!

I raise you December birthdays

This. Mine is just after Christmas. No one wants to celebrate, and your 'birthday' presents were your Christmas presents.

I can’t really understand why adults would want a birthday party anyway .noone apart from your family are going to be remotely interested in someone else’s birthday. I always arrange a little holiday / weekend away for my OH and me on our birthdays. Meal with the family when we get back.

My dh's birthday is next week. We normally go away for his birthday and then invite his parents and brother over for a meal at the weekend after his birthday. He lost his dad just before xmas so this year we will just be going out to take the kids to soft play then out for lunch, I will make his birthday dinner at home. I am taking him out to an exhibition the weekend after his bday but all low key this year.

Sorry so many people pulled out but at least your dh made an effort for you. Tbh I think people are really rubbish for pulling out on the day, unless you have a family emergency or are ill. I firmly believe though that instead of worrying or being upset about the ones that can't make it you should have a great time with the ones that make an effort. Hope you have a lovely birthday anyway.

YANBU OP. I am sorry this happens to you. I had a work colleague a few years ago whose birthday was Valentine's Day - you can imagine how much fun that was for her, too.

Mine clashes with Mother's Day on occasion, which is tedious when you want to go out for lunch In fact my 30th clashed with MD but I had my party the day before, and friends did come.

The dry January thing is so tedious as well. How about drinking a bit less over Christmas and then having the odd drink in January? And why does not drinking alcohol prevent you from going to a friend's birthday party anyway?

DH's birthday is just into February so he avoids the worst of this, but if we get snow, it's often around that time, so that can scupper things.

I can see that 30/40 parties are not that big as so many have young kids

I've had quite a few friends and acquaintances with kids who've had 40th birthday parties. They just make it a family event.

I don’t think the problem is the month at all, it’s that as most people get older the thought of going to parties with 40 plus people you barely know is totally unappealing. Close friends will turn up of course (and are more likely to know others) but no one has 40-80 good friends so the peripheral acquaintances etc just won’t really want to come to make small talk with a bunch of people they don’t know (in the main anyway). I think people also have good intentions of trying to come when they get asked months in advance but cannot face it when they get to it.

I gave up years ago trying to get people together in the middle of January for my birthday. Everyone is skint, dieting, on a health kick and miserable. I managed a pretty decent 31st miraculously but was pregnant 😂

Mine is this week and I have zero plans. :(

But I think that's more about me being lonely than it is being January! Gosh, do people really have dozens of friends to invite to meals out/parties?

I'd struggle to invite 3.