AIBU to think that the motive on gift wrapping paper does not matter?

[Luxplus]

Dd, 3 years old, was invited to a birthday party by a girl from nusery. All fine, responded she would like to come, asked for wishes and went with dd to get a gift from list. Thought I had frozen gift wrapping paper at home. Wanted to wrap this morning before party at 10am to realise that the only wrapping paper we had was Christmas inspired green with gold trees on so ofc wrapped the gift in that paper and took dd to party..
All went fine at the party, the birthday gift liked the gift and party was nice.
But just received a txt from the birthday girls mom where she is moaning about the paper and accusing me of regifting a Christmas gift that I clearly didn't even bother to rewrap.
I'm a bit gobsmacked by the txt.. I have a recipe that proves I bought it last weekend, but I really didnt anybody would care that much about the look of the wrapping paper?
AIBU?

The birthday mum is a complete CF, but I do think the type of paper matters otherwise why would there be different types?! I wouldn't wrap a birthday present in Christmas paper, or paper that's for a new baby or a wedding for example. But the mum is bonkers to have text about it!

I would NEVER wrap a Nov-Jan birthday present in Christmas wrap. I even go out of my way to avoid red ribbon etc and aim for decidedly non-Christmas colours because I think it's kind to show the birthday person that you really care about their birthday in and of itself.

In this case it was an accident but you still clearly can't see it from another perspective OP.

Having said that, the mother was 10,000,000 times ruder and more unreasonable so it doesn't matter. Danish or not, you don't contact the giver and complain about it, you have a grumble to your DH/Mum about birthdays close to Christmas then be very grateful for the actual gift and move on.

@madambee

For some reason, Mumsnet only accepts UK standards on what is "rude" or "cheeky". Regardless of geography or social context, being more forthright than the average brit is always extremely rude. We should all make notes.

My brother (age 24!) actually does this on purpose, as he thinks it's funny. Finds the most inappropriate paper possible.

I wouldn't like to do it personally, BUT if you were wrapping just before the party it's not like you had much choice.

And also, who gives a damn if the gift was re-gifted anyway? Does it really matter if you had bought the gift or been given it? The end result is that the child received it. Materialism is killing us all.

@Skyejuly
I think it's a sore point for those with birthdays around Christmas. Either their birthdays are being ignored, shared presents etc. So I quite get the paper thing, even if it is minor. But to text about it and comment on price... No.

Actually dd's new bf's birthday is the 25 Dec. I did make a conscious choise not to wrap in Christmassy paper .

The mum was obviously rude, but my DH’s birthday is early Jan and when our DS was born late December, he said his two rules were never to wrap his birthday present in Xmas paper, and never have combined birthday and Xmas presents. Obviously he felt very strongly about it!

As an adult I would care if someone had wrapped my present in Xmas paper. But a child wouldn’t care about wrapping one bit. I’m so surprised the mother texted you. I would’ve sent a pic of the receipt to her!

@bongsuhan

The text was rude even by our standards.

The wish list is something I really, really think you should embrace judging by threads on MN.

Here it is considered lazy to not provide one .

The fact that there was a 'gift list' tells me everything I need to know about this mother already. 3 year olds really don't care about the paper!

@madambee

I don't know about the text - maybe it was the result of a 300+ message board discussion started with "my DS friend clearly regifted him a christmas present for his January birthday, what should I do?" :)

In Germany, toy stores have boxes where the birthday child can deposit things they fancy prior to the birthday; guests can go to the store, ask for, say, "Jenny's" box and rummage through the box to see if there is something in there they would like to gift.

:o I was going to ask if you were in Germany. (Motive/motif/design is a common false friend in German as well.)

Danish birthday parties sound about as much "fun" as German ones

My god, how rude. I wouldn't even reply about the present and just say sorry about the paper and tell her why , you don't need to justify yourself. I would keep away from that mum, what a cow.

I regift but only when in brand new condition, I don't see what's is wrong with that. Silly to waste a perfectly fine present

I went to a party at the weekend for someone in dds class. There were a few presents in Christmas paper which I was a bit 🤔 at. But I would never say anything.

To all the adults on here saying they wouldn’t like their gifts wrapped in Christmas paper get a bloody grip.

For me as a kid, it wasn’t actually about the paper itself, if you get what I mean. It was the cumulative effect - the Christmas paper, the ‘joint’ presents, the sighs and moans, the regifting of totally inappropriate stuff with no thought (I have no issue with regifting if you think the recipient will like it!) - which just make it crystal clear that your birthday is a giant hassle and you are irritating for having been born at this time of year. I definitely had that impression by the time I was five or six! And as a kid it really irked me.

Now I’d just roll my eyes a little! But actually the people I’m close to are thoughtful types and it hasn’t happened to me in years, apart from the odd wail of ‘but I’ve used up all my ideas!’

But actually the people I’m close to are thoughtful types and it hasn’t happened to me in years

I think that’s perfectly reasonable as an expectation of family and close friends.

But presents bought for nursery friend’s birthdays? At an age when the paper will not even register? Not so much.

But presents bought for nursery friend’s birthdays? At an age when the paper will not even register? Not so much.

Actually, I think the feelings of a kid I barely know are probably equally important to the feelings of my adult best friend.

The parent reacted abysmally rudely. But kids do notice these things - maybe not at 3 but I definitely clocked it at 4 - and it can contribute to an overall picture that isn’t very nice for the kid.

So it’s not a question of what the child should expect as a gift from a friend - it’s how kind and thoughtful you’re prepared to be to that child as part of the gift giving.

@bongsuhan what a nice idea.

I guess we are both beaten by the right way, though. It cannot be a fun party unless you are given random tat .

Surely all your birthday gifts weren’t handed over with ‘sighs and moans’, Jassy? If you were made to feel your birthday was inconvenient because of the date it fell on, the wrapping would have been a tiny part of all that’s wrong with that.

Good lord, no amount of cultural difference could make this anything other than horrifically rude. I’d message back and say you’d run out of birthday paper but we’re pretty confident that her three year old was unlikely to notice the difference unless it was pointed out by an arsehole of an adult.

Gift list fr three year old straight after Christmas? Jesus Christ the world really has gone utterly nuts.

I’ve used the other side of wrapping paper before (the white side) or tin foil and added a ribbon or made a gift card.

Surely all your birthday gifts weren’t handed over with ‘sighs and moans’, Jassy? If you were made to feel your birthday was inconvenient because of the date it fell on, the wrapping would have been a tiny part of all that’s wrong with that.

Did I say ‘all’? Interesting addition...

But yes, the complaints from relatives would start pretty much on Boxing Day.

The paper was a small part - as I’ve said! - but contributed to an overall picture. Looking at the January birthday thread I’m not alone..

I get that I may have been ‘precious’ - I was a kid, to be fair. When your middle of the year siblings get thoughtfully-chosen presents wrapped in birthday paper and whole-class parties while you get either nothing or something regifted that has nothing to do with any of your interests, wrapped in leftover paper, given with the explanation that it’s just too hard to think of anything or get new paper, it’s not an amazing way to make a kid feel special.

I’m not defending this mother for a moment. But all the ‘the kids don’t notice and anyway you don’t know them and it’s just paper’ aren’t looking at the full picture either.

No, you didn’t say all...

What exactly were your relatives complaining about? It sounds so very odd, and a world away from the angst of a three year old getting a present they’d requested from a nursery friend wrapped in paper with trees printed on the outside.
Your family appears to have issues way beyond anything relating to this particular non event.

She sounds unhinged. Avoid, OP!

but i do think i would be a bit miffed to get a birthday present wrapped in xmas paper.

Really? wtaf is wrong with some people, talk about mountains and molehills

i think it is cumulative effect of just another little thing that makes people not feel special on their special day

My Birthday is VERY close to Christmas. I suspect I've been given countless gifts in Christmas wrap.

If I ever caught myself being whiny about my gift not being 'wrapped in the right paper' I would give myself a bloody good talking to.

Seriously, it's nice to feel 'special' on your Birthday, but there is a limit to that, right where common sense should kick in.

As someone with a birthday in early Jan this happened a lot and it did upset me AS A CHILD. It felt like my birthday wasn't as important as everyone else.

We would never have been rude enough to comment on it though. I just had to get over it.