To think she should be able to call the fucking bank herself?

[mullercorner1]

I’m currently waiting for the father of my children to come, he was suppose to be here at 4pm. But apparently his mum turned up at his house asking him to phone the bank for her because she’s missing money and she thinks she’s been scammed. So he’s been on the phone to the fraud team at the bank for 2 hours.

AIBU to think she should be able to do this herself and not when he’s about to see his children? She’s a fully functioning 68 year old woman. It’s always been like this, been with her son for 10 years and it was always ‘ DS, can you phone Halifax for me? Can you phone the doctors? Can you phone EE please ‘

She seems so unable to do anything for herself, I would understand if it was something techy but phoning your own bank/GP? AIBU?

It’s not going to change and some people do find that stuff confusing, so...

I really struggle with making phone calls. I absolutely hate it and have to psych myself up for days sometimes, so I do sympathise with her if she has similar issues. He should have said no in this instance though.

She’s a fully functioning 68 year old woman. It’s always been like this, been with her son for 10 years and it was always ‘ DS, can you phone Halifax for me? Can you phone the doctors? Can you phone EE please

Then she is not fully functioning but most likely suffers from an anxiety disorder if she’s always been like this. Let your DH support his mum.

Is there a reason why you don’t expect him to sort out his own schedule?

I don't know whether it's that unreasonable- depends if she thinks she's in the grip of a spammer and losing money right now. My DM can't manage online or telephone banking. She can't remember passwords and gets in a flap and a panic when asked.

It's not good that the DC are waiting, maybe he thinks that's better than getting them then ignoring them while he sorts out his DM.

Is he doing this to mess up dc access/hangovers?

I don't think helping his mum should trump his responsibilities to his kids.

Sounds like an excuse, I'm struggling to believe anyone spending 2 hours on the phone to a bank. awaits a poster to tell me they have

My uncle is in his 70s, still fairly active, drives etc but he cannot deal with a bank card, scares the shit out of him, still goes to bank with passbook, gets other people to pay things on their bank cards, goes into bank to draw money, crazy in this day to thinm this still happens. Also he refuses to pay anything on direct debit. So fruatrating op

He doesn't see his commitment to pick up his DC's as impt. If she rocked up in the morning would be be on the phone and make himself late for work? More likely he would tell her it can wait til later or she needs to get someone else to help as he can't be late for work.
Unfortunately, prob not much you can do to change him

You can't change him. Keep a diary of everytime he doesn't show or is late for the children.

If she rocked up in the morning would be be on the phone and make himself late for work? More likely he would tell her it can wait til later or she needs to get someone else to help as he can't be late for work.

Exactly.

He just picked the kids up now, didn't say a word. They're only staying there til tomorrow evening

To be fair to her we recently had all our money (plus overdrafts) swiped from our accounts and talking to the fraud team was very stressful and kinda confusing and my DH is an accountant, I work in fundraising so we're both pretty financially literate. It's a really unpleasant thing to have to go through and I don't think I'd begrudge anyone a hand-hold while they deal with it.

she might be fully functioning but how do you know this is something she struggles with and is the one thing she cant kee on the 'norm' many people with anxiety having to be fully functioning.and manage it brilliantly but there are pitfalls they just cant gt over.this might be hers.so dont blame her.if you dc dad is not pulling his weight then this is on him.it would be his responsiblilty to tell her he needs to get his kids so he will do it later.

DH's mother is like this. She was a primary deputy head and is very quick to say people like her hairdresser and me are academically thick. Makes my blood boil.

IMO he should of told his mother to wait until he collected his kids, she could of minded them while he phoned for her. I'm almost certain fraud departments are open 24 hrs.

On the other hand I feel for him if shes "one of those types". I have issues with my father in law. Being that hes a complete moron who deliberately causes problems.

Perhaps she is uncomfortable with phones. I will try and get anyone to make phone calls for me before working up to doing it myself.

You sound like you're not a fan of her but anyway the kids have been collected so pour yourself a drink and chill now.

But surely the bank want to talk to their actual customer!

I had to help ds (18yo) with a banking issue so we put it on speakerphone so he could do the id bit and I could help with the rest.

Money suddenly missing from your account is kind of an emergency and the fraud team would want to go through individual transactions.

Whether she should have done it alone is a separate matter but I hate talking on the phone, even pleasant calls to friends and family I find tricky. Those that know me well are used to me ignoring calls when they ring and me phoning back 10-15 minutes later when I've got my head round it.

Pathetic I know but it's a fact of life for me.

Would he have left the dc waiting if he was picking up from school?

You are still his default life enabler OP.

If there's issues with your bank account, you can't really wait. And I know when my card was cloned, I was on the phone to the bank for ages because you have to speak to different departments, go through lots of transactions, cancel the card, request a new one, etc.
Is he often late for the DCs? If not, and this is an one-off because his mum had a financial emergency then I'd be ok about it.

Banks, insurance, phone contract -all are incomprehensible to similar aged DF who needs myself or sibling to speak to these people on his behalf.

It’s frustrating but I think it stems from more things having to be done online/over the phone. He’s spent most of his life being able to pop into a bank to sort stuff face 2 face, there are no local banks left now, & over the phone he has to answer security questions which sends him into a flap and he forgets.

I have always had a minor phobia of phones and now that I am slightly hard of hearing it is worse