To think she should be able to call the fucking bank herself?

[mullercorner1]

I’m currently waiting for the father of my children to come, he was suppose to be here at 4pm. But apparently his mum turned up at his house asking him to phone the bank for her because she’s missing money and she thinks she’s been scammed. So he’s been on the phone to the fraud team at the bank for 2 hours.

AIBU to think she should be able to do this herself and not when he’s about to see his children? She’s a fully functioning 68 year old woman. It’s always been like this, been with her son for 10 years and it was always ‘ DS, can you phone Halifax for me? Can you phone the doctors? Can you phone EE please ‘

She seems so unable to do anything for herself, I would understand if it was something techy but phoning your own bank/GP? AIBU?

She was probably in a terrible state OP .

I’m surprised the bank/EE/GP speak to him on her behalf. Maybe people aren’t as obsessed with GDPR as I’d thought.

It sounds like this is typical for her and the frequency of her issues has worn you down. Fair enough. I’d feel the same. But people are right that he chose to put her above the DC which wouldn’t have applied if he’d had something to do for him.

What would have happened if when he’d said he was helping her you said no, you were going out and he had to be there to collect then in 10?

Good on him for helping and caring for his mother.

She will have had to give permission over the phone for the bank to speak to him.
I am slightly hard of hearing, younger than the woman in the OP only 50, but find official phone calls hard because of this. I find most younger people have no real understanding of how stressful it is when you are struggling to hear what people are saying. It is not apparent face-to-face that I have any issue at all.

I used to work in bank fraud and can well believe it.

Good on him for helping and caring for his mother.

Yeah, screw his kids and their mother...

For those worried about GDPR, i work in customer service in finance and as long as she was there and could complete security at the start of the call, she could then give permission for her son to carry on the conversation. It happens all the time.

Although you’d be amazed how many people still seem surprised that we won’t discuss their spouse/parent/adult child’s account with them without doing security with the actual account holder first unless theres authority such as a power of attorney in place

To answer the OP, it depends. If she has anxiety or hearing issues etc and struggles on the phone, then SINBU to want support, and fraud is pretty urgent and stressful.

But if it’s the latest in a long list of excuses for him being late or not taking responsibility for his kids then YANBU

I have to handle all DPs phone stuff. I tell him do not leave the room because they will insist on speaking to you for security reasons, he huffs and puffs but has to stay. Some people are just not good at doing this sort of thing.

Some people just can't manage it. Regardless of age...my neighbour could NOT cope with the questions you have to answer from the recorded voice when he wanted to ring the bank...he always got confused and pressed the wrong buttons so I used to do it for him.

He was a lovely man who;d been a successful commercial artists in his younger days and he lived opposite me in a flat on the 17th floor of a council tower in Camberwell.

My own Mum also has issues with that sort of thing.

Hes a good son then.

MIL exactly the same. Oh she can phone her hairdresser for an appointment but can’t phone her energy company, for a bus pass or her own bank. So it’s not phone anxiety just a refusal to learn how to handle her own responsibilities and since FIL passed away she now expects DH to do all this for her. Makes me mad inside but then I would do it for my mum (both my parents can use computers though and will sort their own problems out!) the woman won’t even pay her council tax bill herself and if I say to DH ‘but it tells how to pay by phone on the letter’ he just gets angry and defensive so I just leave him to it.

Understand that it can be awful having money stolen from your account. But as OP says, she expects him to call on her behalf frequently.. GP etc.
I think it was U to keep you & the kids waiting. They should have been priority. In this instance, I can see why she may have needed some support.. but things like calling GP, energy providers - no.

My MIL asks my DH to do simple tasks for her like writing a letter on Word. Can't use a computer at all. Unless it's Facebook, online shopping or Ancestry.com, then she's a pro. She likes to make herself seem vulnerable, enjoys him caring for her, which I do understand.

I'm the same as your ex mil I'm afraid... I've worked in call centres and will happily take call after call after call but when it come to phoning banks /dentists /whatever I have a weird mental block... It's just taken me 4 days to rearrange a dentists app and I have no idea why....

This has been genuinely eye-opening. I had no idea so many people were afraid of making phone calls or doing their own admin. It must be exhausting having to rely on others for this stuff.

But surely the bank want to talk to their actual customer! She can ask the person at the other end of the line to talk to him. As long as she gives permission, there shouldn't be an issue.

Is he often late to pick up his children, op?

After dealing with the incompetence of a bank in the past and dealing with incredibly rude staff on many occasions (anything from telling me it was against the law to not change my name after marrying, to telling me I was being too stupid to use their Internet banking which later turned out to be a known issue the bank were trying to keep quiet, to banks refusing to deal with a complaint) I find dealing with banks incredibly stressful.

I now get anxiety attacks over it, particularly when I am refused service face to face. I find it harder to communicate via telephone especially if talking to someone who doesn't have English as a first language.

I find that DH gets much better customer service than I do across the board. Whether there is sexism involved or whether he is merely better at dealing with banking I don't know. DH certainly believes that there is a huge amount of sexism involved as has been shocked at the difference level in service we've received.

It means he is much more confident in handling things whereas each time I've received poor service its affected me a lot and made for a downward spiral in confidence in handling matters and making me more anxious.

I personally would prefer to bank face to face where ever possible as a result as it helps my anxiety. I have a diagnosis of anxiety so in effect the bank are discriminating by refusing to recognise anxiety as a barrier to accessing services.

I think the lack of sympathy shown on this thread for those who find it a stressful process is downright ignorant and only adds to the problem by failing to recognise it as a genuine problem for some.

Yes I don't like her, she's one of the reasons why I left him. She's always been like this, her car once broke down and she called exDH to tell him to call RAC! She also wants him to accompany him to all her hospital appointments even though she's the one driving and talking to the doctor, she just wants him to be there with her.

He takes her to the dentist, and he will go shopping with her. She used to come to our house every time she got a letter so he could sort it out for her. She is just unable to do anything for herself, after years and years of this, it starts to grate on you.

What's your point?

You don't like her. You want to use her as a way to get at your ex.

You lack any empathy for anyone lacking in confidence or suffering from potential anxiety. Anxiety being a health issue.

No its not OK to slam someone for this reason.

Bully for you if its not something that you think is easy.

Just cos you can do things doesn't mean that everyone finds it easy. It's incredibly narrow minded.

I wish I could do it. Attitudes like your only serve to make it harder and to introduce alternative systems and aids which help those who struggle with accessing certain services.

You do realise things like dyslexia also mean some people struggle filling in simple forms and this is recognised, don't you?

It's all very well being judgemental but perhaps think about why she might have legitimate reason to want support.

@RedToothBrush I think I might have hit a nerve and I'm really sorry if I've offended you, but reality is you don't know my exMIL. She is not dyslexic, just fucking lazy and wants her son to do everything for her. Again if you missed it, this woman ruined my marriage. She attacked me when I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest DS in 2012, she's lied about me and told exDH I did certain things I've NEVER done so he would leave me etc. So yeah I'm angry and have a lot of resentment towards her, so I have zero sympathy for this woman.

And there's systems that are increasingly hard for anyone who struggles with these situations and are making the problem actively worse...

... Because there's so much ignorance around why people struggle with these things and the contempt that is displayed towards those who struggle as being 'stupid', 'irresponsible' or 'a burden'.

But crack on there with the empathy.