To think she should be able to call the fucking bank herself?

[mullercorner1]

I’m currently waiting for the father of my children to come, he was suppose to be here at 4pm. But apparently his mum turned up at his house asking him to phone the bank for her because she’s missing money and she thinks she’s been scammed. So he’s been on the phone to the fraud team at the bank for 2 hours.

AIBU to think she should be able to do this herself and not when he’s about to see his children? She’s a fully functioning 68 year old woman. It’s always been like this, been with her son for 10 years and it was always ‘ DS, can you phone Halifax for me? Can you phone the doctors? Can you phone EE please ‘

She seems so unable to do anything for herself, I would understand if it was something techy but phoning your own bank/GP? AIBU?

I call bullshit. I've worked in banking for 15 years and no bank will ever speak to someone who isn't the account holder unless they have POA or are a joint account holder.

@nakedavengeragain you are wrong. The account holder just needs to agree on the phone that the bank can talk to the other person in their behalf.

@nakedavengeragain she will call them, confirm her details and pass the phone to exDH to speak on her behalf 🙄

Your exH is the problem here. He listens to her, drops everything for her. Chooses her over your children.

She is not your MIL any more. Time to consciously try to move her out of your mind and off your radar.

Do you have a car? Can you get the DCs to your exH's or your MIL's house if he is there, and drop them off yourself?

OP there are obviously much wider problems than this one situation. Unfortunately I think the answers will mainly focus on this one event.
Could you say to your ex that you do not want to hear about your MIL, but that you do expect him to turn up in time for his kids except in a real emergency?

No he shouldn’t put his kids second to his Mum. His kids are kids. His mum can wait.

My Exes mum is like this. Just turns up asking for him to do a ‘manly’ job like organize her tax return or whatever.

It’s the just turns up that’s annoying.

you are wrong. The account holder just needs to agree on the phone that the bank can talk to the other person in their behalf

True. I do this for my brother every time he needs to ring the bank.
He just gets brain fog if he has to talk to them. He confirms who he is and then gives permission for them to talk to me. Never been a problem.

Yes the will speak on the person's behalf so long as they're their to pass the security questions.

I know there are wider issues OP with your ex MIL.
But I do think the lack of bank branches makes life hard for anyone with certain disabilities or who struggle with issues like brain fog. These things are easier to sort out face-to-face than with someone on the phone.

My DH locks himself out of his own account because he gets the questions wrong. He's likely to have some sort of dyslexia, tbh, because he reverses numbers and transposes them, etc. When our account was wiped I had to sit with him and whisper the answers to the security questions to him. It could have been much more stressful than it was, but because we never shop at the places DH's card was used at, it was quite simple to identify which transactions were genuine and which were fraudulent.

My DM & DF have needed lots of support with their finances, etc. DM used to do it all, then she got depressed and DF was completely overwhelmed so they just didn't open post. DF finds phone calls really stressful. So I do it.

Always worries me that so many people say they are unable to make phone calls because if anxiety. It's something you should really work on imo, rather than avoiding or finding other people to do it for you.

This would drive me insane OP. You have my sympathy.
She needs to learn how to do these things, at least to some extent. She sounds very selfish letting it affect her son and grandchildren’s lives.

This 'woman' didnt ruin your marriage. She didnt force him to be late for the kids. He is an adult and chooses to priortise her. He ruined you marriage.

If he has always done these thing for her, then you knew this when you married him. He wasnt going to change on your wedding day.

Obviously she is responsible for attacking you. But he his responsible for prioritising her and believing her over you.

The person that ruined your marriage, is him.

Is your ex often late for the DCs because of her? That's the issue really. I understand that you think she ruined your marriage (although from here, it seems like your ex should be blamed rather than her) but carrying all of that anger and resentment every time you hear your ex has interacted with her, isn't healthy or helpful for you.

I think you’ve really got to try and let it go now. Because in reality she’s still winning. She’s still affecting you. You can’t let her.
Did you have any therapy to talk through these feelings after you divorced?

Don’t let her ruin your weekend. You've got to find a coping mechanism because she’ll be around in your life till she dies. Meditation? That type of thing. When you have to have someone toxic in your life you have to find a coping mechanism.