to report my friend for doing this

[NarwhalsNarwhals]

My daughter has very serious mental health issues, we have support in place and anyone that is ever responsible for her without me there or who needs to know, knows exactly what is going on and I'm working with every agency going to make this better for DD. Friends in general don't know because they don't need to/DD doesn't want them to/I don't want them to.

Friend A works for CAMHS as admin. They answered a phone call from me double checking an appointment time. I have never spoken to them about any more than that. Friend B shouted at me because Friend A told her about DD's self harm and suicide attempts and me not coping (which according to B is totally because I am a shit mother who doesn't deserve children) which not only means that A told B about the phone call but A must have gone and found out details because of that call (I don't know if that means they've checked DDs records or asked someone but either way there is no reason they should know - call was literally "hi, I've got two letters here, which one is the right date?" and then DDs name and DOB)

A is an unprofessional dickhead right? and I am allowed to be more angry than I can actually put into words?

I am struggling and maybe I don't deserve her because I don't know how to make this better and I should because I am mum and that is my job and maybe I am over reacting but that is why I'm asking MN before I contact CAMHS.

[Brimful]

If you know 100% that friend A can only have found out that information via her work, then report.

I'd want to make sure she didn't find out another way and be totally sure before reporting.

Friend B sounds awful, you're clearly doing your best in a horrible situation.

[FenellaMaxwell]

I can’t guarantee how their system is set out but it’s not likely, no, and even if she HAD seen it by accident, that doesn’t justify her telling friend B, which is still a sackable offence.

[toomuchfaster]

Can I just add that even if you aren't completely sure that A accessed the record and told B, the records can be checked by IT and it will show whether he did or not. If, by some very long shot, B is lying and A didn't tell her the computer records will NOT lie.

[Catsandchardonnay]

I’m so sorry OP. You should report A and dump B. You absolutely did the right thing to protect your daughter’s privacy and you sound like a great mum. You don’t need those toxic people in your life. for you and your DD.

[Sparklybaublefest]

She may well have reason to access the medical reports but had absolutely no need to tell friend B
just appalling

[misselphaba]

You can report that you have a concern someone has accessed DDs records inappropriately and the system will have a record of who has accessed them and when. It's taken very seriously by the NHS and is drummed in at very staff induction.

[PaperDreamsHoney]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this on top of everything else that's going on. Echo what everyone else has said about keeping any evidence and reporting through the Trust/PALS so they can't fob you off.

[WingingIt101]

Op you poor thing - you sound like a wonderful and caring mum and your so called friends are anything but caring or friends!
As others have said, report and don’t feel one iota of guilt.
My mum is receptionist at our gp surgery and as a matter of principle she refuses to handle calls from df dh and myself to avoid having anything to do with our confidentiality, always politely saying “thank you for your call, allow me to get a colleague to take over as we know each other” this is the level of professionalism and respect you and your daughter deserved. I hope the local trust provide the support you deserve x

[Soontobe60]

The breach of confidentiality is shocking, but are you absolutely certain that A didn't find out legitimately?
I think you need to have a conversation with A for your own peace of mind. How did he get hold of the information? Why did he tell B? Has he told anyone else? It's surprising how information like this gets passed round so it may be that A knew via a different route. Before you contact his employer, ask the questions.

[overnightangel]

I think the unanimity of the poll says it all

[NarwhalsNarwhals]

@AllideasAndNoAction yeah fair point, I blame myself too, I'm not even that interested in what B had to say, I'm pissed off that B even knew there was anything to talk about.

[Taddda]

I agree with all of the above- Out of interest, I recently noticed a confidential medical note listed on my initial notes my GPs, it was listed under 'active' but is very much historic information (basically a list that I'm now certain even the receptionist has access too)- It was even (harshly) mentioned by my nurse during my last appointment- I need to action it, (as you also do OP, how awful these 'friends' are is beyond!) - but on what grounds? I'm pretty sure it was added by a midwife (a very judgemental one who my obstetrician had to put a complaint in about, so possibly out of revenge?)
I've hijacked, I'm sorry OP, the confidentiality thing is really getting to me also at the moment x

[QueenOfThePumpkins]

As pretty much everyone else has said, that is absolutely shocking and needs to be reported. Everyone has the right to confidentiality with such sensitive issues, and even so much as finding out about the finer details will have been a significant breach of contract.

OP, sorry for posting about myself on your thread, but I just want to say that I had mental health problems (including self harm) as a teenager. You sound like my mum, who sorted me out with the help I needed when it all came to light. Even so, has always beaten herself up about it and I know she feels like a "bad mum" even 10 years later. In reality she could not be a better mum, and my problems were nothing to do with her parenting. I will always feel terrible for making her think that. So please know that you're a great mum for getting help for your daughter, and it's not your fault that she is going through this. My problems are now long behind me thanks to mum's support (which I didn't even want at times). All the very best to you and your daughter x

[Smelborp]

Glad to hear you’ll report this OP. It’s his actions that will cause any fallout, not yours.

He’ll have left a digital footprint from what I understand if he accessed records so that will incriminate him.

[ThanosSavedMe]

Just to add to the chorus, report, report, report. Remember that you would not be the cause of them losing their job, they are.

I hope you get a satisfactory result and your dd starts to heal. None of this is your fault

[MzHz]

As awful as is to have to report, you have to report him OP

[Sagradafamiliar]

Yep, report. Let the investigation get to the bottom of it.
You're doing everything you can for your DD, what an amazing mother you are. 'Friend' B's reaction is incomprehensible- what a dreg of a lowlife.

[MzHz]

It’s one thing accessing, quite another gossiping about a child’s mental health! As for B, there is no place for them in decent society! Who the fuck does she think she is? Glad you dealt with her @NarwhalsNarwhals

(((Hug)))

[eddielizzard]

I would be way beyond angry. How dare they?! Massive breach. And then for B to have a go at you is also completely out of order. How dare she without even knowing the full story, and what about offering you support? Both friendships are dead now.

Yes, you need to complain, because there can be absolutely no tolerance for breach of confidentiality. It's completely not acceptable.

So sorry you're having to deal with this on top of the stress of your DD, who you're clearly doing a very good job of parenting. I hope things look up

[Sweetpeach3]

Well what a pair of dickheads
1 for gossiping
2 not supporting you
3 for being damn right nosey bitches !!!!


You are not a shit mum, mental health issues can be the worst to deal with as you don't actually know how their feeling etc so you working with every agency possible and trying to support your DD the best you can is all you can do I'm afraid! My DSS self harmed at 13, (his mum abanonded him an fuled it) wasn't much we could do we just supported him and payed close attention to how he was behaving and feeling

He's 18 and hasn't done it since being 13- thank god BUT he messed up in his exams an when he started college he started on the wrong path totally.... so as a cover up from it and to not be given shit he said he took and OD, cruel as it sounds we had to go into a meeting with his college because he told them this and I had 2 baby's at the time and didn't need his shit as I knew full well what had gone on and no OD, so I walked in the room where he sat with the "empty packets" he tried to Od with and I gave him back all the tablets he hid in his room

My point is. Mental health is different for everyone my DSS does it for attention and to sway it from the real issues (him being. A shit lol)

[Fundays12]

I used to work in a similar role to your friend. I still work with families in a confidential nature. She has seriously breached her contract and GPDR laws. I would put in a formal complaint. She should never discuss any client with anyone outwith a need to know basis.
For example that means as an admin person who was a little confused by the appointments she could confirm the time slot with the professional involved with your DD and let you know. She can never access a file on any client unless she has to for work reasons only.

[ChipsyChopsy]

The fact there is a vulnerable young person with mental health issues at the centre of this takes it to a whole new level of awful.

[whiteroseredrose]

Please report 'friend' A. He is a liability and should not have access to confidential information.

I have worked in banks and would have been sacked for knowingly looking at any information about friends or neighbours.

[pontiouspilates]

Please report this. If your 'friend' has looked at your DDs record, it will leave a trail which will be evidence of her breaking client confidentiality. Talk to PALS about this, it is a serious breach. I am so sorry you are going through this on top of all your worries about DD.

[Jellybeansincognito]

I agree @ChipsyChopsy it could well provoke another suicide attempt, the shame of people knowing and gossiping.
Absolutely awful.

(I hope this won’t be the case OP, but it could certainly be in many cases here).