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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to report my friend for doing this

322 replies

NarwhalsNarwhals · 11/01/2020 06:19

My daughter has very serious mental health issues, we have support in place and anyone that is ever responsible for her without me there or who needs to know, knows exactly what is going on and I'm working with every agency going to make this better for DD. Friends in general don't know because they don't need to/DD doesn't want them to/I don't want them to.

Friend A works for CAMHS as admin. They answered a phone call from me double checking an appointment time. I have never spoken to them about any more than that. Friend B shouted at me because Friend A told her about DD's self harm and suicide attempts and me not coping (which according to B is totally because I am a shit mother who doesn't deserve children) which not only means that A told B about the phone call but A must have gone and found out details because of that call (I don't know if that means they've checked DDs records or asked someone but either way there is no reason they should know - call was literally "hi, I've got two letters here, which one is the right date?" and then DDs name and DOB)

A is an unprofessional dickhead right? and I am allowed to be more angry than I can actually put into words?

I am struggling and maybe I don't deserve her because I don't know how to make this better and I should because I am mum and that is my job and maybe I am over reacting but that is why I'm asking MN before I contact CAMHS.

OP posts:
spongejack · 12/01/2020 08:33

Disgraceful behaviour, you must report and i
am sorry that this information has been revealed.

Friend B will also be spreading the rumours and you need to be prepared for that.

I hope your daughter received the help she needs. Thanks

moderate · 12/01/2020 08:38

Don't contact A or B. Just tell A's employer what B told you.

billybagpuss · 12/01/2020 09:35

Well done, hopefully they will handle it very quickly

ButtonandPickle19 · 12/01/2020 09:39

Not only is it a shit thing to do of A it’s gross misconduct at work. Report her. How awful for you x

BlueEyedGreeness · 12/01/2020 09:49

'Friend' B is not a friend to speak to you about your parenting and child like that - seriously get rid!
'Friend' A absolutely needs reporting, has broken data protection and deserves to lose her job, imagine who else's personal data she is compromising!!!

Jumpjumpjumper · 12/01/2020 10:17

Unanimous on here! I agree.

Quick question, anyone that uses EMIS, is there a way to access diary without being on the consultation page first? This always crosses my mind when I'm needing to look at the diary for tasks, dates etc.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 12/01/2020 16:03

@Narwhal you should definitely contact the ICO yourself to report this appalling and flagrant breach of the law. Since GDPR came in they have, ime, been shit-hot at tackling this sort of thing and very quickly too. Should help things move along swiftly

Icandoallthings · 12/01/2020 17:26

I'm NHS staff too and that definitely sounds like a breach of confidentiality. I'd report it.
The friendship's already ruined.

SauvignonBlanche · 12/01/2020 17:30

Glad to hear you’ve complained.

DressesWithPocketsRockMyWorld · 12/01/2020 17:48

Oh man I would get well sacked if I did this in my job as a mental health professional.

Report her and never ever speak to her ever again.

Sending many vibes to you and your daughter, it is such a tough thing to go through without dickheads breaking the rules of confidentiality.

LadyLightning · 12/01/2020 18:35

I sometimes get a spouse or relative of one client telling me about a former client. They obviously have talked about their therapy with me. I dont respond - you never, ever talk about one client with someone else unless you have detailed and specific permission to do so for a specific reason. Breach of confidentiality is a firing offence. A needs to not work in any kind of healthcare. B is being a awful, you are better off with her out of your life.

ElizabethMountbatten · 12/01/2020 18:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

MrsRagnarLothbrok · 12/01/2020 20:10

the need for confidentiality is something that is drummed into everyone who works in the NHS from the very start.

This is a massive breach of that rule, in a situation where the victim is very vulnerable. This absolutely needs reporting, I hope A loses his job, and as for B, she is an absolute bitch who needs to be cut out, and I would tell people exactly why

OP I wish you and your dd the very best, you sound like a great mum

MrsMelanieHamilton · 13/01/2020 19:33

@NarwhalsNarwhals any response from your complaint yet?

justilou1 · 14/01/2020 12:20

@NarwhalsNarwhals- Nhs response is unlikely to be immediate

NarwhalsNarwhals · 14/01/2020 19:59

@MrsMelanieHamilton @justilou1 no response yet but I would imagine they won't reply til they've had a chance to look into it.

OP posts:
justilou1 · 14/01/2020 22:50

Exactly - they have no doubt got a backlog of others to investigate as well. I don’t live in the UK, but within our system, we get an autoreply to complaints with an expected turnaround, ie - minimum 10 working days. Did you get something like that?

FarTooMuchWashing · 14/01/2020 23:34

They have to report the breach of data protection regulations To the Information Commissioner’s Office within 72 hours. It doesn’t matter what their backlog on complaints is, Follow it up and check that they’ve gone this. This is an extremely serious breach of personal information.

A is an idiot and not worthy of your friendship and do is B.

FordPrefect42 · 14/01/2020 23:39

My god, I don’t have much more to add to this but good on you for complaining. It’s a breach of confidentiality and gross misconduct - I would not be happy if someone spoke about my medical history without my consent at all. 😐

justilou1 · 15/01/2020 00:40

BTW, OP... once it has been reported and they have been informed, be prepared for them to start bad-mouthing you to your friends. (I’m sure you’re all over this as well.) It may go further and you may have more gossip to report as well, from the school yard, etc. I’m not sure how far this idiot’s social scheming will reach, but he/she will be shitty and possibly vengeful because you will be affecting their job. How very dare you. 🙄😱🙄 I hope you can protect your kid from further arseholery!!!

bitheby · 15/01/2020 01:11

I work in the nhs and it was drummed into me that if I looked up any medical records including my own for a non clinical reason then I would be dismissed.

It's completely unacceptable.

If the 'friend' knew about your daughter from attending team meetings then that's fair enough but to pass that information on is completely breaking confidentiality. The NHS takes information governance very seriously and I'm sure they'll investigate it thoroughly.

All the electronic systems will track who looks at what records.

bitheby · 15/01/2020 01:12

Actually she should disclose if she knows a client in a personal capacity and excuse herself from the meeting so that's not even fair enough.

SauvignonBlanche · 15/01/2020 20:48

They usually have 20 Days to respond to a complaint.

NarwhalsNarwhals · 15/01/2020 20:53

I have now had a standard we've received your complaint. "Friend" totally blanked me earlier and has blocked me on fb so I'm going to guess they've been spoken to.

Thankfully not a school parent friend, old friend so at least its not likely to be playground gossip.

@blitheby now-ex-friend's job is admin as in answers phones, sends out appointment letters rather than goes to meetings.

OP posts:
Bufferingkisses · 15/01/2020 21:32

You've done exactly the right thing and "friend" deserves everything they get in this situation.

The closest I have come to this when doing nhs phones has been when a teacher from. DDs school called and when my Mum called. The first 1 I waved at my manager to pay attention and said "before we proceed wth the call I need to let you know that I do know you from school. Would you like me to pass you to a colleague to deal with your query?" Caller said they were fine, manager nodded that was fine and we went ahead. Second one I said "sorry, for confidentiality reasons I am just going to transfer you to a colleague". I've never told anyone about those calls (until writing it here). I've never mentioned it to my Mum even.

These days I'm more management and so have to book any confidential appointments such as those for colleagues. When doing so - even though this is prearranged - I only do it with another senior member of staff present and I book in such a way that I don't have to enter the rest of the record if at all possible.

Confidentiality is not just something we have to do by law it is also something we should embody naturally. Having the confidence of our patients is vital and that is at every stage from the people you pass in the corridors or the person who answers your call to the person prescribing, treating or operating on you. If I got a complaint along these lines it would be taken really seriously.

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