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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Opting out of organ donation

999 replies

ringme · 10/01/2020 16:38

So the law has changed and this spring the NHS will consider you to be an organ donor automatically if you don’t opt out. I haven’t had a chance to really consider this all yet, WIBU to opt out at this stage until I have time to think about it or is that a selfish move given that 408 people died last year waiting for a donor?

What will you be doing?

www.organdonation.nhs.uk/helping-you-to-decide/about-organ-donation/faq/what-is-the-opt-out-system

OP posts:
Barracker · 10/01/2020 23:19

AlternativePerspective thank you for such a thoughtful and moving post.

I hope you get the transplant you need soon. My next of kin are aware of my wish to be a donor.

whyamidoingthis · 10/01/2020 23:27

2. It’s not a wonderful gift if it’s compulsory to give.

It's not compulsory. You can choose to opt out.

PurpleDaisies · 10/01/2020 23:28

I know why, I was responding to a poster saying it should be compulsory.

raspberrymolakoff · 10/01/2020 23:33

I'm another who has carried a donor card for years and registered online, my family knows my views. Take anything you like but just make sure I'm really dead before your cremate or bury me! Not sure they'll want me now I'm getting old though.

I know some faiths object but unless there's an excellent reason I agree if you'd accept a transplant you should be prepared to give. I know of several people who have taken comfort in something amazing coming from their loved one's sudden death, like the people upthread. I have a friend who has had two transplants which have enabled her to see her children grow up and to become a grandmother, had she not had the first one she would have died when they were tiny.

whyamidoingthis · 10/01/2020 23:42

@PurpleDaisies - I know why, I was responding to a poster saying it should be compulsory.

Sorry. I missed that as you only partially quoted them.

DeadButDelicious · 10/01/2020 23:49

My mother is an organ recipient. I am happy for them to take whatever may be of use to someone in need when I die. I know just how much it means to recipients and their families when they get that call. I would be honoured to do that for someone.

motherheroic · 10/01/2020 23:51

Well I definitely won't be letting my perfectly healthy organs rot in a hole to 'prove a point'.

raspberrymolakoff · 10/01/2020 23:51

Those of you who are boldly declaring that you would never receive an organ either.... really?
Imagine you were in the position of my friend who then had two children under about 7. Her liver suddenly failed (auto-immune problem not alcohol related) and she was at death's door. So if you'd been her you'd have chosen to leave your children motherless rather than accept a new liver?

Cryingoverspilttea · 10/01/2020 23:56

This is nothing but a money saving scheme by the government. It is some crass, gross dystopian organ harvesting ideal that has somehow bypassed logical debate and discussion.

This should've had a public vote, but no 🤷‍♀️

Assumed consent is NEVER OK in any circumstance. Why is it now that the government can assume autonomy over a person's body. You're just a number, folks, remember that. Except now you're a donor too!

Friendly reminder that people have to he alive to donate organs, though also brain dead or knocking on deaths door. Organ donors die on the operating table away from family and friends, and without anyone holding them in their last moments.

Thismaybeouting · 11/01/2020 00:07

I’ve opted out. I feel very strongly that I don’t want parts of me to carry on in a different “container”.

But I also would never accept an organ donation. Artificial organs, yes, if they’re developed. But not otherwise.

I don’t think it’s right that family can override wishes, either. Should be your body, your choice (and I have family members with a completely different view to mine about organ donation; we’ve agreed we’d respect each other’s wishes)

Softskin88 · 11/01/2020 00:11

No problem donating organs here, which goes for myself and my family, and I think I’d find it quite comforting if one of my family died to know that a small part of them was still alive and helping someone else to live.

Apirateslifeforme · 11/01/2020 00:46

It's a very personal decision. If you're not sure maybe ensure you're not added to the donor list whilst you're thinking about it.

On the other hand this issue arising has actually given me opportunity to think in real terms about it.
As a teen I wanted to register to be an organ donor- I think they asked when I sent off for my provisional and my mum told me that they wouldn't try to save me as much if my organs were going to be used elsewhere, why would they save one person when your organs could save 3 separate lives she shouted at me (I know its not true but it did put me off)

And now I'll be glad that I can be on the donor list and I wont need to faff about arranging it.

Whatever they can use they can bloody have.

TheHouseElf · 11/01/2020 01:06

Unless you have been in a position of being a family member who has chosen to donate their loved-ones organs, I really don't think you can understand the process. My brother suffered a bleed on his brain after a fall, and was brain dead. We had to walk away from his hospital bed while he was still alive - he still had a heart-beat, he was still breathing (although, at that point, machines were doing that for his due to the brain injury).

During the week he'd been in hospital prior to this, we'd been told by his medical team that your hearing is the last sense to go - so to talk to him and it would be possible that he would hear us. With that in mind, I am left now with the most horrid thoughts of what he may have heard as they were prepping him for the organ removal operation. He was kept alive while all the organ recipients were notified and all their operations organised.

My Mother who was there for his first breath, could not be there for his last. As he left this world, none of us were with him.

I've opted out of this automatic presumed consent. I wouldn't want my family to have to go through that again. I am also concerned as to what point I might become more of a viable organ donating shop as opposed to a viable life.

Cheesespreading · 11/01/2020 01:18

If you aren’t willing to donate then you shouldn’t accept one if you need it. I think anyone that opts out is selfish but I’m biased given my daughter is alive and with me thanks to parents that made the decision to allow their child’s organs to be donated. Opting out makes more sense and I don’t see why it makes people uncomfortable.

JoJoRabbit · 11/01/2020 01:49

My concern about this is entirely about how well the relations of the donor would be prepared.

My DH was declared as going to die after a cerebral aneurysm and I was asked to consider the donor route. I had no hesitation and was taken through a detailed explanation of the process, etc.etc. My DH was put into a private room, though this is as much about the vigilance needed to assess the viability of the proposed donation as privacy. Bluntly, they have to court every offer because they so comparatively rare. My DC and I were given every opportunity, 24-hour access, to see him before he was taken away for the donation.

They only fucked up once and it was significant. We were asked did we want see my DH after the donation and given options: morgue or back in the room where he was before. We chose the latter. What they didn't say, and I know this sounds as if I am stupid, is how different he would look, i.e. dead. A dead white person is exactly the same colour as a chicken from the freezer, as I noted a few days later. I've not bought or prepared chicken since then. My stomach turned and the DC howled. He was in a shroud, the better to conceal up the big dressing that covered where he'd been operated on to retrieve his organs. I just wish they'd told us and am weeping I write this.

The post-care was excellent and the donation organisation keep in regular touch about celebrations, and forwarded letters from organ recipients.

My concern is this. The current system is about getting the families of donors onside and supporting them. With presumed consent, will this continue?

I completely support organ donations and feel strongly that family should not be able to override the wishes of the donor, but Jesus, they need to ensure the support is there.

ClappyFlappy · 11/01/2020 01:56

JoJo Flowers

I really don’t know what to say. I hope you find peace.

As for me, I have carried a donor card since I was 14 and my family know my wishes. I have not and would not opt out but I feel a bit uncomfortable with presumed consent, for reasons I can’t really put my finger on. I suppose I think donation should be a gift and an opt out rule kind of overrides that

StoppinBy · 11/01/2020 01:58

If you wouldn't accept one if you needed it then go right ahead, if you would then............

5zeds · 11/01/2020 02:01

Assumed consent is NEVER OK in any circumstance. don’t be ridiculous! We assume consent all the time. You choke in a restaurant, fellow dinner presumes you want to live and helps you. You are drowning and lifeguards pull you out and give you mouth to mouth. You are suicidal and committed to save your life. Assuming you would want to help someone else live is NOT a whacky and out there assumption to make. Most human beings want to help each other.

My sibling is here because someone helped us. We will always be forever grateful and better for that gift.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 11/01/2020 02:12

If you dont want to be a donor then you should not be eligible to have a donation. End of, its pretty simple.

nameymcnamechangeagain · 11/01/2020 02:13

I think the right decision has been made on this. It should be this way. So few people are even able to be donors (if you die a natural death at home it’s too late - most donors end up being victims in sad circumstances, unfortunately) and like a lot of others if you would be willing to take one for yourself or expect one for your family and friends you should be willing to give. Used to argue with my boss all the time about blood donation, he didn’t want to give blood, why would he want murderers and peadophiles potentially getting given his blood he would say??? Uummm because if your child needed some you would damn well expect their to be some available!!!

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 11/01/2020 03:16

Donated organs save people's lives. If you choose to opt out then you are actively choosing to let someone die because you think the law is 'presumptuous'.

If you believe that, then technically you're actively choosing to let people die right now. The liver can regenerate, so you could have a partial lobe transplant as a living philanthropic donor.
Presuming you have two kidneys, don't you feel guilty that people are on dialysis every day hoping for just one, while you have a spare one that you can live perfectly without? Where does it stop?

Notagainnnn · 11/01/2020 03:20

There are doctors who say that brain dead isn't a real thing and that you feel pain during the removal of organs and can't do anything about it. No real studies on it either since it was labelled "brain dead".

echt · 11/01/2020 03:38

There are doctors who say that brain dead isn't a real thing and that you feel pain during the removal of organs and can't do anything about it. No real studies on it either since it was labelled "brain dead"

So "doctors" and "no real studies"? Hmm

Notagainnnn · 11/01/2020 03:46

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6132575/