Separate bedrooms

[soulasylum]

My husband and I got married in September last year. Our marriage is great, we love each other very much and there are no issues between us (ask me again in 5 years haha).
However I started a new job not long after we were married, entailing 4.30am wake ups and a lot of travel up and down the country to a couple of different cities.

DH gets up at 8am every morning (his place of work is closer to home).

He is a light sleeper, so my 4.30am alarm wakes him up and he sometimes struggles to fall back to sleep.

I have started sleeping in the spare room some nights, and it seems to work for us. We both get a comfy bed each, and I'm not disturbing him in the morning.

However when I have mentioned this arrangement to people they have turned their nose up and insist something must be wrong with my marriage...?

Has anyone had a similar experience? Am I being unreasonable for sleeping separately, be it part time, despite only being married a few months? I'm beginning to think I am rather strange!

Currently heavily pregnant and we have begun sleeping in separate bedrooms - my frequent night toilet trips and enormous pregnancy pillow vs his snoring were making two very grumpy/space limited/sleep deprived people.
We share one bed again at weekends when we can have a lie in and not have an early work start.
No concerns at all - it's just temporarily working better for us to be better rested individuals.

We have separate bedrooms and have done for about a year. I've developed a real sensitivity to noise and it was tearing us apart as I was constantly having a go at him for even daring to breathe.

I also get up a lot to go to the loo and I'm up early on weekends to go to the gym.

Separate bedrooms means better sleep for both of us. I miss the cuddles sometimes, and sex isn't really spontaneous anymore so we did try sleeping in the same bed over Christmas but neither of us could get to sleep.

It doesn't mean we love each other less just because we sleep in separate beds

My OH has recently stated doing on call work and I would love a spare room to have that option

Separate bedrooms work best for us, I’m a light sleeper and my husband is a snorer. Our relationship is strong and we’re both happy with the arrangement. Our relationship would be a lot worse if one or both of us were sleep deprived.

But I know what you mean about there being some sort of stigma about sleeping separately. I’m very confident in our decision and have mentioned it to a few friends in the past. Yet there are silly things such as when the cleaner is due I put an extra pillow onto one of the beds so it looks like we share a bed!

My husband and I have had separate bedrooms for about 8 years. Amazing.

It's not as unusual as we are made to believe. Close friends will own up to sleeping separately, but in general nobody wants to say that they sleep separately for exactly the reason you state, because others judge.

I think it is indicative of a healthy loving relationship that you CAN sleep apart, and it not affect your love for each other.

I think it is a lot more common than you realise. I booted my OH Into the spare room about a year ago. He snores and insists the dog should sleep on the bed with us. His snoring keeps me awake and the dogs a dead weight that farts a lot so they are both in spare room!

My elderly parents have had separate bedrooms for fifty years. They are not cuddly, but in their own way they do love one another.

DH and I sleep separately for one week in six - where this makes sense because of shift work. Although I wouldn't want to do that all the time, I must admit I do enjoy those seven nights!

I'd love this. We just don't have the room. I'm a light sleeper and when I go away and I'm sleeping on my own I feel so much better.

We don’t sleep separately but we do have separate duvets and I often get a funny look if I mention it to people.

I’d be asking your friends what is wrong with their marriage that they dare not leave their husband alone over night in a separate bed? Do they think he’ll sneak another woman in?

Apart from a brief spell of two years when we co-slept with all 4 of us in the same huge bed, we have slept apart for all of our 38yr marriage.

We are just not compatible sleeping partners. Having our own rooms has not impacted our lives at all. He gets a good nights sleep and I am an insomniac who can be up and down all night, only I don't disturb him.

It's not a secret and no one comments. It's worth remembering that sharing a bed used to be for the poor to keep warm and nothing at all to do with sex!

Oh yes @Alpacathebag I forgot about that as we've done this for years. Separate duvets! One of the three secrets of a happy marriage.

@RedRosie what are your other two secrets? Separate duvets is one of the reasons we still share a bed! DH wraps himself so tight in the duvet I used to be freezing all the time.

For a lot of women OP, you are living the dream😂.

Seriously, my dearest friend has her own room because of her DH snoring.

They continue to be extremely happily married.

Sleep is absolutely vital to good health, including MH.

Don't listen to anyone.
If it works for ye as a couple👏👍

@Alpacathebag (in no particular order)

Separate duvets ...

Separate bathrooms ...

Shift work!

@AlphabetDinosaur

We stumbled upon seperate duvets when we were dating through circumstances.

The secret to a happy marriage 👍

@RedRosie I dream of a separate bathroom!

My boyfriend and I have separate bedrooms. It works absolute wonders for us - we’re both light sleepers and constantly disturb each other when we sleep together. People seem to find it really odd though and I have no idea why! I’d say go for it - we sleep so much better so we’re never tired and ratty any more. I actually hate having to bunk in with him when we have people to stay now! 😂

Fairly conclusive result there OP!