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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Airport pick up AIBU

78 replies

Airportpickup · 09/01/2020 21:42

Light hearted, this happened months ago and we're past it now. Would just like an opinion on if I was unreasonable or was dp.

Bit of background, been together 6 years, one dd age 3. I've worked away the whole time we've been together, so away with work half the time.

Dp was trying to arrange a trip with a friend for a long time and we were struggling to make it work between looking after a toddler and my work load. The only way we managed to get it was when I had 5 weeks off work, I'd stay at home and they'd head over for 3 weeks.

Made their own way to the airport for the initial flight an hour and a half away, as planned, and the standing arrangement was that they would make their own way home from the airport on the way back.

Cut to three weeks later and I have explicitly confirmed that I wouldn't be driving through to pick them up and the arrangement we made initially would stand. This was due partly to not wanting to distrupt the routine we'd had (toddler was taking 2 hour naps when they were away while dp hadn't got any naps at all out of them last time I was away) and mainly because (not to drip feed) I'm a very literal person. If there is a plan agreed, then I tend to stick with that.

Bottom line was that dp made their own way back as arranged, but was not impressed at all. We fell out for the best part of the remainder of my leave before I went back to work. Their expectation was that any normal person would have surprised their dp at the airport. My point was that if you have made a plan, then why would you inconvenience everyone further just to surprise you at the airport?

Prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable, but I just feel like I didn't do any thing wrong and was shocked when it all came out.

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 09/01/2020 21:46

Surprise them at the airport!

What if you missed each other, they went a got a taxi etc (as agreed ) then we’re home before you ?

They sound a bit precious

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 09/01/2020 21:48

I agree with pp, so much could go wrong with that plan. I can see how it might be a nice thing to do if there were no dependants but with a toddler in tow, no, I wouldn't be going to the airport!

Sirzy · 09/01/2020 21:50

I wouldn’t have surprised them but if it was possible I would have told them that I would pick up.

Bishybarnybee · 09/01/2020 21:51

He had 3 weeks holiday while you looked after the baby then moaned you didn't pick him up...that's CF territory!

TulaOfDarkWater · 09/01/2020 21:51

Does he pick you up from the airport?

Michaelbaubles · 09/01/2020 22:00

Oh god, I had a husband like this once. Always full of what I should have done! Like you if I make a plan that’s just what I then expect to happen unless I hear otherwise. I would hear months later of resentments he’d been harbouring about something I’d been completely unaware was even an issue.

DingDongDenny · 09/01/2020 22:03

My first thought was - a 3 week holiday - lucky bastard. He should have been rushing home to give you a break

BarbaraofSeville · 09/01/2020 22:05

I would have thought that the days of surprising people at the airport were long gone with all the complicated anti-terrorism secure parking and paid for pick up arrangements these days.

You wouldn't have a clue where to find/meet someone without discussing it.

HoldMyLobster · 09/01/2020 22:13

Our airport is small enough that you can still do surprise pickups - basically everyone comes down one particular escalator.

Even so, I don't think you've done anything wrong, and I'm astonished that rather than thanking you for letting him/her go on a 3-week holiday, s/he gave you a hard time for sticking to the plan that s/he would make his/her way home.

PatriciaHolm · 09/01/2020 22:16

Pretty easy to surprise someone at the airport still, as long as you are there in plenty of time!

But in this case you had a toddler which complicates things, and you had agreed you wouldn't, so it made perfect sense not to. Though I'm sure your DP would have been thrilled to see you and your child (given you have deliberately avoided giving gender, I am going to assume you are male and partner is female, but it makes no difference.)

northernknickers · 09/01/2020 22:17

A 3 year old is hardly a 'baby' @Bishybarnybee (and I wouldn't even say a toddler OP!!)

It also sounds like the care is mainly done by the DP, whilst the OP works away, as the OP states that her 'DP' doesn't manage to get these mammoth 2 hour naps out of the 3 year old when she (the OP) works away...which she says is most of the time!

So the DP, from what I've understood, looks after the 3 year old whilst the OP works away. She (I'm assuming DP is a she, reading between the carefully constructed lines), has been trying for ages to book a holiday, but, due to OPs working away/heavy work load...and DP being at home with the child, was unable to schedule it.

OP then returns home for a short window, but refuses to interrupt her schedule that she's somehow miraculously (quickly) created with the 3 year old to nap for 2 hours. So DP has to make her own way to and from the airport to go on holiday.

I call bullshit. OP is having a strop about the holiday and being manipulative because DP is going away/leaving her with the child.

Not cool.

LtJudyHopps · 09/01/2020 22:18

Tell your DP to watch the only fools and horses episode where Rodney tried to surprise his wife at the airport Wink it’s the kind of thing that happens in love actually, not real life! They could have booked a cab, for an Uber, booked a train, organised a lift, anything!

NegroniOnIce · 09/01/2020 22:20

These posts that try so hard with the gender non-specific pronouns - WHY?

AnneElliott · 09/01/2020 22:23

He's unreasonable op. I don't think anyone would do a surprise pickup due to logistics.

Original poster
Airportpickup · 09/01/2020 22:28

Just to clarify, I am a man. Dp is a woman. I don't think that should influence things but it makes sense to nail it down now.

And my dp has been a sahm since she was pregnant with our child and I have nothing but respect for what she does. She's given up a lot to do it and does an amazing job the whole time.

This was part of our reasoning for the trip. I didn't want her to lose her identity. She felt just like our child's mum and we didn't want that to be all she felt she was worth.

This minor misunderstanding soured a few days but we're all good now. I was just interested in what people thought.

OP posts:
Dafspunk · 09/01/2020 22:32

I’m also very literal. If the agreement was to not pick up, I would have stuck to that too, without question.

Had I been the holidayer, I would not liked to be surprised at the airport if the arrangement was for me to make my own way.

cstaff · 09/01/2020 22:43

She is being completely unreasonable. She should have made her own way home - no question. Also airport pickups are not straight forward and need advance arrangements.

1Morewineplease · 09/01/2020 23:00

It’s a one off.. I’d turn it it into an adventure.. which I did when my husband came home after a spell abroad. I bundled them in the car, took a buggy, the children made a ‘welcome home , daddy’ poster and we met him at the airport. Their bedtime routine was knackered but it was important for them to greet him home.
Who cares if children’s routine is buggered for once?
Daddy was thrilled to see us waiting for him and we had a lovely time at the airport.
You say that you are very literal... sometimes it’s good to surprise someone you care about.
If I’d been a long way away for a while, I’d love to be met by my beloveds. As to a rigid bedtime, sometimes it feels good to break that boundary.

TrainspottingWelsh · 09/01/2020 23:01

It's a stupid idea to collect her as a surprise, but at the same time I don't see why you didn't just arrange to pick her up in the first place.

tillytrotter1 · 09/01/2020 23:03

But you did surprise him, he expected you to be there, even though it wasn't arranged, and you weren't! Surprise!!!!

marns · 09/01/2020 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

memaymamo · 09/01/2020 23:15

You were NOT unreasonable. Secretly expecting to be surprised is just asking for disappointment. However maybe there were signs you missed in the initial discussion that she felt upset at you not picking her up in the first place. If so then she was already ready to get cross with you about it.

It's ridiculous to say you should have guessed she wanted to be surprised at the airport. She needs to express her needs more clearly.

messolini9 · 09/01/2020 23:27

Has she been watching too many romcoms?

FFS you had kids at home. You were meant to disrupt their routine, just so DP got to feel like a 'treated like a princess' or other such sick-making guff?
CF had just had 3 weeks holiday while you held the fort ... fucksake.

GabsAlot · 10/01/2020 00:03

I was going to say does she think shes in a film when you run through the gate and your loved one who didnt thin would make it is standing there

i think she shold grow up

Moreisnnogedag · 10/01/2020 00:09

Held the fort?! She’s a SAHM and he works away loads - fucking hell. I must admit you riled me with the nap comment, I mean it’s a bit PA and yay me.

FWIW My DH is a SAHD and I’m currently away with work and if he went away on a trip damn right I’d pick him up, but I would have told him that and I’d have got the kids excited for it too. I certainly wouldn’t have pretended that the routine that I’d instituted was sacrosanct.

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