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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Airport pick up AIBU

78 replies

Airportpickup · 09/01/2020 21:42

Light hearted, this happened months ago and we're past it now. Would just like an opinion on if I was unreasonable or was dp.

Bit of background, been together 6 years, one dd age 3. I've worked away the whole time we've been together, so away with work half the time.

Dp was trying to arrange a trip with a friend for a long time and we were struggling to make it work between looking after a toddler and my work load. The only way we managed to get it was when I had 5 weeks off work, I'd stay at home and they'd head over for 3 weeks.

Made their own way to the airport for the initial flight an hour and a half away, as planned, and the standing arrangement was that they would make their own way home from the airport on the way back.

Cut to three weeks later and I have explicitly confirmed that I wouldn't be driving through to pick them up and the arrangement we made initially would stand. This was due partly to not wanting to distrupt the routine we'd had (toddler was taking 2 hour naps when they were away while dp hadn't got any naps at all out of them last time I was away) and mainly because (not to drip feed) I'm a very literal person. If there is a plan agreed, then I tend to stick with that.

Bottom line was that dp made their own way back as arranged, but was not impressed at all. We fell out for the best part of the remainder of my leave before I went back to work. Their expectation was that any normal person would have surprised their dp at the airport. My point was that if you have made a plan, then why would you inconvenience everyone further just to surprise you at the airport?

Prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable, but I just feel like I didn't do any thing wrong and was shocked when it all came out.

OP posts:
ActualHornist · 10/01/2020 00:21

This is the sort of shit that literally only happens in movies. Too difficult to arrange otherwise.

AlwaysCheddar · 10/01/2020 02:26

How far away is the airport and what time did she land? 30 mins travel at 2pm - why not meet her? 3am collection - no way.

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 10/01/2020 03:15

Oh good grief, DP is being pretty precious. My husband travels regularly. Most of his domestic flights are out of our local regional airport (a 7 minute drive away, yeah!) and the rest of the time he drives himself (in his company car that all expenses are paid for, including the rip off parking charges). A lot of his flights are across the Tasman with home flights being the red eye, adding another layer of yeah nah! Grin

I booked a shuttle for my last trip away (Dec 2019). He offered lots of times to drop off and pick up but outbound flight meant leaving home at 4 am and inbound meant he would have run into traffic on the pick up with potential for a four hour round trip into something more like six or more...

Skittlesandbeer · 10/01/2020 03:32

My DH’s family has always placed great emphasis on the ‘airport welcoming committee’ thing. Mine prefers to end a long trip with a quiet taxi ride, and not a party!

I think they might have been cured last month when the cousins (arriving long-haul international) got their dates wrong and left everyone waiting for 3hrs (then ultimately 24hrs). A big group of kids, older folk and adults, during the busy days in the run-up to Xmas, paid expensive airport parking, had made welcome posters, etc. Not well pleased to do it two days in a row.

A good lesson, from my perspective.

I suspect there’s just two kinds of people in this world when it comes to airport etiquette. Any grown adults without special needs should be able to cope with a slight disappointment like this, and get over it without sulking or punishing their partner. Especially if they’ve been excused from household/childcare duties for so long!

Topseyt · 10/01/2020 03:35

I don't think you were at all unreasonable. I don't see why your DP needed picked up at the airport if that hadn't been the arrangement and nothing had caused it to change in the meantime.

I live rurally, although fairly near to on of the UK's major airports. It is also a big local public transport hub. During the week we have a more or less hourly village bus service to it (though little other public transport of note). I like to use that rather than driving and paying extortionate car parking fees.

Your partner is being rather too precious.

araiwa · 10/01/2020 03:42

I broke up with a partner for shit like that.

I was always wrong and whatever i did id be in trouble and could never win. It was very tiresome.

In your example id have been wrong for going to pick up at airport 'i told you id get home myself' and also in trouble for not picking up like you

Its not a fun game

Ishotmrburns · 10/01/2020 03:47

It is absolutely ridiculous to be angry at you for not "surprising" him at the airport when it was pre agreed that you wouldn't be there. Totally stupid argument to start. You are definitely not the one being unreasonable.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 10/01/2020 03:57

She was being unreasonable.

Airport parking is so expensive - not worth the hassle.

If she's struggling with her identity I'd suggest she considers going back to work and putting LO until childcare a few days a week.

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 10/01/2020 04:28

Personally if my partner had been away for 3 weeks I would want to pick them up from the airport. And would expect my child would be desperate to see their parent too. Sorry, that's just me :)

TulipCat · 10/01/2020 04:35

Picking people up from the airport is such a faff, especially with small children. Parking miles away, waiting around, delays.... Totally not unreasonable to have her make her own way home.

5LeafClover · 10/01/2020 04:38

Agree with "Moreisnnogedag* above.

Pipandmum · 10/01/2020 04:58

You might surprise a partner in the first few months of a relationship but not after six years and with kid in tow.
The arrangement was set and I would have made sure I had a nice meal etc waiting or planned for that evening rather than collecting them.

ukgift2016 · 10/01/2020 05:25

Why didn't she just ask you to pick her up? Is there a power imbalance here where she feels she cannot freely ask for favours like this?

My partner is offering to drive me to and from the airport when I go away for a couple nights. I can't imagine him NOT offering to pick me up after I been away for three weeks.

makingmammaries · 10/01/2020 05:51

DP went on holiday with a friend for 3 weeks and that isn’t enough to keep her happy? Is her name Meghan?

z2020 · 10/01/2020 06:23

I imagine, being her first real break, she had missed you both - maybe she felt a pang of envy when she saw other people being met at the airport and she's projecting that on to you.

northernknickers · 10/01/2020 06:40

So I was right? You were totally having a strop about the holiday.

And the ‘try hard’ non-specific gender pronouns were a dead give away 😂

Your DP stays at home with the child (NOT baby or toddler FFS...the child really does not ‘need’ a 2 hour nap so stop with this excuse for not taking/picking up!!). You said yourself, WHEN YOU ARE AWAY (which is most of the time!) the child doesn’t nap...so it doesn’t ‘conveniently’ need one now!

This really is not about the airport pick up, or ‘schedules’ as some posters are banging in about to strike your fragile male ego! It’s about agreeing to do something kind for someone you barely fucking see because you’re away all the time, while she’s at home, by herself, looking after your child/home. She needed a break...you wanted to make this harder than it should be. That’s really all there is to it. Quite mean really.

What is it about ‘schedules’ on Mumsnet that are so unbreakable? The world doesn’t stop turning, nuclear arms won’t be deployed, civil war won’t break out! IRL I don’t actually know anyone this rigid! Worst case scenario...you have to reset!

Vanhi · 10/01/2020 06:47

It's a stupid idea to collect her as a surprise, but at the same time I don't see why you didn't just arrange to pick her up in the first place.

This. And the 'woohoo I'm better at looking after our child, I can get them to nap and she can't' comment is a nasty little dig.

Stephminx · 10/01/2020 06:59

Nope - a 3 hour round trip with a 3 year old in tow to collect a grown woman from an airport she’s clearly capable of independent travel to/from is ridiculous.

My DH and I would not expect this if each other, either as a plan or a surprise.

Peterspotter · 10/01/2020 07:10

I just found the op posts hard to read. Maybe not enough coffee!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/01/2020 07:13

I kind of get where she's coming from, to be honest.

When I was late 20s, I went away solo to the other side of the world for a few weeks. My parents took me to the airport, saw me off with a little tear (a little surprising, that, if I'm honest) and told me they'd pick me up when I got back.

I kind of expected that meant they would be waiting for me at the gate, despite it being early morning - but no, what it actually meant was "phone us when you arrive and we'll come and fetch you".

Bit of a sour taste, that left.

However, it seems you had made certain that she expected to make her own way home - I would imagine her annoyance is less about you not being there and more about you and your child not having missed her SO MUCH that you literally had to both see her as soon as humanly possible on her return. You being able to wait for her to return to the house under her own steam has spoilt that for her.

Sparklybaublefest · 10/01/2020 07:23

The nap business was a poor excuse imo.
however she was disappointed you didnt pick her up but she should get over that disappointment.

onioncrumble · 10/01/2020 07:31

What an utter knobend

KatherineJaneway · 10/01/2020 07:35

I'd love someone to surprise pick me up at the airport.

Chocolatemouse84 · 10/01/2020 07:39

Expecting surprises and then being annoyed they did not happen is ridiculous. Yanbu at all.

If a person wants something to happen, to the point they are angry that it didn't, they should communicate this to another person to se if it is possible, instead of sulking about it later.

Sparklybaublefest · 10/01/2020 07:43

Was the person she was with picked up? or was she alone?

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