Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Airport pick up AIBU

78 replies

Airportpickup · 09/01/2020 21:42

Light hearted, this happened months ago and we're past it now. Would just like an opinion on if I was unreasonable or was dp.

Bit of background, been together 6 years, one dd age 3. I've worked away the whole time we've been together, so away with work half the time.

Dp was trying to arrange a trip with a friend for a long time and we were struggling to make it work between looking after a toddler and my work load. The only way we managed to get it was when I had 5 weeks off work, I'd stay at home and they'd head over for 3 weeks.

Made their own way to the airport for the initial flight an hour and a half away, as planned, and the standing arrangement was that they would make their own way home from the airport on the way back.

Cut to three weeks later and I have explicitly confirmed that I wouldn't be driving through to pick them up and the arrangement we made initially would stand. This was due partly to not wanting to distrupt the routine we'd had (toddler was taking 2 hour naps when they were away while dp hadn't got any naps at all out of them last time I was away) and mainly because (not to drip feed) I'm a very literal person. If there is a plan agreed, then I tend to stick with that.

Bottom line was that dp made their own way back as arranged, but was not impressed at all. We fell out for the best part of the remainder of my leave before I went back to work. Their expectation was that any normal person would have surprised their dp at the airport. My point was that if you have made a plan, then why would you inconvenience everyone further just to surprise you at the airport?

Prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable, but I just feel like I didn't do any thing wrong and was shocked when it all came out.

OP posts:
RedskyAtnight · 10/01/2020 07:45

"Surprising" someone at the airport only works if it's a tiny airport (is it?)

The plan from the outset should have been for you to pick them up. She was probably waiting for you to make this plan (on the basis that you would have missed her and be wanting to see her again), and when you didn't "assumed" that you were pretending to surprise her.

So I think there's fault on both sides. Longstanding couples shouldn't need to play these "if you loved me, you'd know what I want" games. So she should have just said outright she wanted picking up. You could have then agreed to this, or you could have had a sensible discussion over whether you (both) should disrupt your child. Arguably, you should have thought a bit out of the box and realised that she might like to see you after being away (going away as a one off holiday is different to going away on work trips all the time) and proactively offered. The 3 year old could have coped for one day.

LeithWalk · 10/01/2020 08:01

Awwh! - my DP went on a long haul holiday.Despite arrangements that he would travel home from the airport ( 2 hours away) alone I surprised him at the airport.

I met him because I was excited to see him.

He still talks about his surprise in seeing me and how special he felt.

Wtfdoipick · 10/01/2020 08:07

I don't know many 3 year olds who have a 2 hour nap in an afternoon, most have dropped it by that age.

Equanimitas · 10/01/2020 08:08

I occasionally go on holiday with a friend, mainly because DH doesn't really like them and it's difficult to drag him out on one. It's never once occurred to me that he should pick me up when I get back, and we don't even have small children. If he tried a surprise, I fear I would walk straight past him at the airport.

mclover · 10/01/2020 08:26

She's being unreasonable and has watched too many rom coms! A nice card at home from the toddler saying 'missed you mummy' would be nice

C8H10N4O2 · 10/01/2020 08:52

Held the fort?! She’s a SAHM and he works away loads - fucking hell. I must admit you riled me with the nap comment, I mean it’s a bit PA and yay me.

Yes and frankly getting a 3yr old to sleep for 2 hrs every afternoon sounds more like 2hrs off. Fair enough if you want to do it but its not for teh benefit of the 3yr old or particularly necessary.

I'm the work traveller in our family. Travel for work is glorified commuting - taxis, trains and planes. However if their DF was away for a length of time and it didn't disrupt school, then yes I picked him up and made an outing of it with the kids because it wasn't the routine. I certainly didn't sit po faced at home whilst healthy 3yr old had a 2 hr afternoon nap.

Perhaps the reason the child sleeps with you is the inflexibility of routine over taking an opportunity to do something different.

C8H10N4O2 · 10/01/2020 08:54

"Surprising" someone at the airport only works if it's a tiny airport (is it?)

I've surprised people and been surprised by pickups at Heathrow and other major airports.

The airport may be large but the terminal gate isn't.

nornironrock · 10/01/2020 08:59

Surprising at the airport, as others have said, is risky.

The arrangement should simply never have been made. There's no way I would have my wife travelling back form an airport after all the hassle of flying, when I am perfectly capable of picking her up.

The real question is why on earth would you not be picking up?

And don't give me toddler this, and napping that - it's a one-off trip. Make the effort.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/01/2020 09:05

There's no way I would have my wife travelling back form an airport after all the hassle of flying, when I am perfectly capable of picking her up

If your wife is a grown adult, and I certainly hope she is, then she is perfectly capable of travelling back from the airport herself, so why on earth would she need picking up?

I think if DP was waiting in arrivals for me when I stepped off a plane, my first thought would be that something terrible had happened, like a death in the family, so he was there to tell me before I might find out by other means.

HoppingPavlova · 10/01/2020 09:12

I certainly wouldn’t surprise someone but I would arrange to drop them off/pick them up if it’s only 1.5hrs.

If the kids were young I would tell them it was a surprise though (and clue the other parent in to play along). If it’s a baby, meh, they are portable.

bluegreygreen · 10/01/2020 10:02

It's a stupid idea to collect her as a surprise, but at the same time I don't see why you didn't just arrange to pick her up in the first place.

^
This

Equanimitas · 10/01/2020 10:09

There's no way I would have my wife travelling back form an airport after all the hassle of flying, when I am perfectly capable of picking her up

You'd do a three hour drive with a toddler just to pick up a grown woman who's entirely capable of making her own way back? It's not even as if flying is that dreadful a hassle, after all you're sitting down all the way. That sounds faintly insane.

nornironrock · 10/01/2020 10:33

Wow, getting grief for picking someone up.

Yes, she is more than capable of getting herself home from the airport. My point is that if I, as her husband, am able to come and get her, why wouldn't I?

It astonishes me how many people just don't seem to be able to function with kids in tow. I appreciate that some kids have needs that make things difficult, but all things being equal, it's not that big of deal. Like I said, it's a one off. Or a rare event.

On the other hand, I travel for work all the time, and my wife works full time+. She simply isn't able to pick me up. No big deal.

myself2020 · 10/01/2020 10:58

She’s been silly. flights come with delays, a 3 hour roundtrip (plus at least 1 h at airport) can easily turn into 5-8 hours. Borderline silly for an adult, positively idiotic with a small child (except if the child is plane mad and easily entertained)
But tiredness makes us say silly things!
Plus, she had 3 weeks holiday, you none (except if bei g a sahp is being on holiday - i don’t think so)

LannieDuck · 10/01/2020 11:05

Does she normally collect you from the airport when you've been working away?

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 10/01/2020 12:20

I think expexting to be surprised is daft. If she’d wanted picking up say so.

However I do also hate gender neutral posts. It does always make a different what sex / gender people are, like it or not. It affects the power balance especially where kids are involved.

coconuttelegraph · 10/01/2020 12:32

I have never heard of surprising people at the airport - is it a thing?

Your DP is being silly, presumably she knows you are a literal person and would stick to the original plan. She's had a 3 week holiday and she's moaning about a pick up, she sounds a liitle childish

Travis1 · 10/01/2020 12:51

If that had been my husband I'd have picked him up. My DH doesn't drive so a bit different but I regularly go away without DH and even when I'm leaving or arriving home at stupid o'clock he either gets up to see me off or waits up for me getting in. I always tell him not to bother but also secretly love that he cares enough and has missed me enough to put himself out a little.

I don't know, I always think it's the little things that count?

You are being a tosser over the nap dig. 3 year olds don't generally need 2 hour naps.

Equanimitas · 10/01/2020 14:12

Travis, would you really do a three hour drive with a very small child to pick up someone who can get themselves home very easily? Even bearing in mind the risk that, if the plane's held up, you could spend a few hours hanging around the airport?

Apart from anything else, think of the planet. Why make two long polluting car journeys when the passenger can take (and maybe even share) a taxi making one journey, or can go on public transport?

GabsAlot · 10/01/2020 14:18

has anyone seen the prices at airports now-a fiver just to pick someone up if youre only ten minutes!

Kirstenkl · 10/01/2020 14:25

Light hearted

Is it, though?

PassMeAnotherCoffee · 10/01/2020 14:40

I'm rolling my eyes at the expectation that a grown adult would sulk because they didn't get a 'surprise' collection at the airport. I would really appreciate being collected in those circumstances but would have arranged it with my husband before I went!

If you've been together six years she should have realised you are a literal person by now. 'Expecting' a 'surprise' is utterly cringeworthy and childish. Say what you want.

In your case I wouldn't have put a three year old out by that length of car journey unless it was the only option.

KittenVsBox · 10/01/2020 14:45

I actively told DH not to do a 90 min drive and try and meet us at the airport, just to turn round and do another 90 min drive.
Yes, a taxi was more expensive (although only £30 equivalent exceedingly cheep, even once you added a massive tip), but 3-4 hours of his time could be much better spent on an hour of cleaning, an hour of food shopping, and chilling.
We (me and kids) met him at home, where the kuds had only one stressed and shattered parent rather than 2 of them!

Travis1 · 10/01/2020 15:43

@Equanimitas with how difficult it is to get from Glasgow airport home yes I would. It's just over an hour from us driving but having google mapped it it would be the best part of 2 and a half hours, 2 buses and a train to get home. If he was flying into Edinburgh airport I probably wouldn't because the tram is a piece of piss and if we're flying from Edinburgh we use that rather than parking if flight times permit. I would meet him at the train station though to save on hanging about at buses/taxis. Horses for courses and all that jazz.

Batqueen · 10/01/2020 15:51

Honestly? I’ve been secretly disappointed before when dp didn’t come and meet me at the airport. I’d told him not to bother and to meet me halfway instead for breakfast as it would be cheaper and meant he could get up later but it would have been a nice surprise if he had.

Still, he’s not a mind reader and was still lovely when I saw him so I didn’t hold it against him for not doing something I expressly told him he didn’t need to do.