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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ghost my new job

78 replies

Roux95 · 09/01/2020 01:44

NC for this one. I've recently taken a part time job in an admin after having a baby this year. I was desperate to regain a sense of self beyond being "just mum"

I found something part time that works for my family and was excited to bring in some extra money and socialise with others, I've found being a SAHM very isolating.

I did my first shift this week and it became apparent very quickly that the boss is a sleaze. He made a point of shadowing me the entire shift and was making inappropriate comments. I ended up having to stay late as he was distracting me from the tasks at hand, I believe this was deliberate.

He has also been texting me since the shift ended, asking me to work extra time when he's going to be in the building and inviting me on projects with him (which I made excuses for to get out of going)

We have met ONCE and he is doing all of this already.

Unfortunately due to abuse in my past I don't feel able to assert myself and my modus operandi has been to smile and awkwardly laugh it off which in hindsight I'm wondering whether he's misread that as me being flirtatious.

I don't feel able to confront him about the behaviour and continue working there so I'm considering ghosting the job and not turning up for my next shift.

He is the boss so there is nobody above him to complain to and honestly I wouldn't want the aggro even if there were.

AIBU to duck out without explanation?

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 09/01/2020 01:50

Duck but tell everyone why. Email the whole company...let them all know.

Original poster
Roux95 · 09/01/2020 01:53

It's a very small close knit company and very casual so I don't think anybody would care to be honest. He's well liked but they probably know what he's like. I don't see how they couldn't, given how quickly he's shown his card

OP posts:
gokartdillydilly · 09/01/2020 01:54

Yes, agree with BillHaders, tell as many people who will listen. What a shit.

BillHadersNewWife · 09/01/2020 02:00

Tell them anyway. With any luck it will get back to his wife.

Toomanygerbils · 09/01/2020 02:06

You need to tell them, think if you apply for another job he may be your reference if you don’t. When you do get an interview you can be honest

Talia99 · 09/01/2020 02:14

In regard to him being your reference, if you ghost the job after one day, just don’t ever mention it. Future employers can’t talk to him if the don’t know he exists!

AraGrand · 09/01/2020 02:23

What sort of comments was he making?

Chloemol · 09/01/2020 02:26

Just tell him that you feel uncomfortable and are leaving

Kwkwjwkek · 09/01/2020 03:17

Just say that the job isn’t suitable for you and that you’re leaving

Ishotmrburns · 09/01/2020 03:22

I'd ghost it

Monty27 · 09/01/2020 03:30

I'd do the email. He sounds horrible and should be called out on it. As should his senior manager Angry
Tell it how it is. And I would refuse to go back. But I wouldn't go quietly.

Mmer · 09/01/2020 03:32

Ghost it. You'll find something better.

Weffiepops · 09/01/2020 03:41

Yes I would send an email to their hr dept/his pa and explain exactly why you're leaving without returning. People always gossip so it will get around the office in no time. I normally wouldn't recommend ghosting but think you could have had a case for constructive dismissal due to his behaviour, ring ACAS to see where you stand.

BlackCatSleeping · 09/01/2020 03:46

I don't think ghosting is ever acceptable. Just make up an excuse. Say something like, sorry it's not a good fit for you so you won't be returning, but wish them all the best or something like like.

NurseButtercup · 09/01/2020 03:52

Please don't 'ghost' your employer, they have a duty of care to check up on you if you don't come to work and might end up coming to your home. Just send an email as suggested.

Mrsmummy90 · 09/01/2020 04:12

What a creep!
Personally, I'd just say that the job isn't for me and then I'd bad mouth him all over town

Beautiful3 · 09/01/2020 04:18

I would just email to say that " this job is'nt a good fit for me so I will not be returning."

PositiveVibez · 09/01/2020 04:25

You need to tell them, think if you apply for another job he may be your reference if you don’t

Sur ly you just wouldn't mention it.

It seems really unfair that you have found. Anon that fits in with your life and his actions have ruined it.

I would be burning to send an email saying why I wouldn't be coming back.

Weenurse · 09/01/2020 04:52

Just message that the job is not for you and thanks for the opportunity

Then block

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 09/01/2020 05:06

Good grief, leave yes, 100%.
Loads of good suggestions above.
Pick the one that suits you best.
So sorry this has happened to you Flowers

IdblowJonSnow · 09/01/2020 05:15

Definitely cut your losses and leave.
What a horrible sleaze.

BorneoBabe · 09/01/2020 06:15

Don't ghost. You never know where one of your colleagues might end up and they might remember you.

Phone in, thank them for the opportunity, apologise for the short notice, but the job isn't working out due to personal reasons. No reason to explain further. Classy exit.

Divebar · 09/01/2020 06:22

Yes I agree with BorneoBabe. Don’t ghost... those are not the actions of a grown up. Plus he will only be calling you to see where you are. Email if you can’t face speaking to him.

Sparklybaublefest · 09/01/2020 06:23

Are you seeing something that isnt there? Misinterpreting?
however if you are uncomfortable you can leave

TulipCat · 09/01/2020 06:28

Just send an email saying you won't be returning as the job isn't a good fit. Ghosting gives them an excuse to follow up and check on you, which you want to avoid.

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