AIBU to think this nursery Mum is a CF and a bit mean!

[Hmmmmminteresting]

DD was 4 at the weekend, we had a party in a local attraction that cost £15 per child. For that reason we only invited 6 children, one being her nursery friend.
On the morning of the party, nursery friends mum text me to say her daughter would not be attending the party because she had been naughty and they threatened she wouldnt go as punishment and therefore needed to follow through.
Aside from the fact she is only 3 years old, I lost money and the place could have gone to another child if we were given more of a chance. Not to mention DD was gutted.
AIBU to think this mum was wrong to do this? Still seething now!

Seems like fair enough to me. These things happen.

To add... she bought dds present to nursery on Monday so it definitely wasnt to get out of buying a gift (which had crossed our mind being close to xmas)

That was a bit of an extreme punishment for a 3 year old. I'd make a point of letting her know you still had to pay for the place when you next see her - might make her think twice about what punishments she doles out in future where others are also affected.

I think that is a terrible thing to do to a birthday child, let them down to punish your own child.

I wouldn't invite her next year.

YANBU. That would piss me right off

I wouldn’t waste time seething. It’s a batshit punishment for a 3 year old and not something I would do but keep your powder dry.

Just today I witnessed a 5 year old not allowed to run around the playground before school because ‘you’re too clumsy’ and a parent who genuinely enquired if a very sick 6 month old was a ‘good’ baby.

What I’m saying is that people make batshit parenting decisions all the time and if you got upset about them all you’d go mad.

YANBU
if it had no effect on your child and others arrangements then it wouldn't matter but this is awful

She sounds like a twat. Her poor daughter.

Bit shit of her not to say 'I'll pay any money you lost' as a gesture... Even if my child was ill I would offer to pay. Some people really have to scrape together money to give their kids a nice birthday, only for people not to turn up.

I did exactly this when my child was 3 😳
To be fair, I had threatened and even though I didn't want to, I felt I had to follow through.... (he had whacked me more than once and he was on a final warning) He never ever did it again, and my kids still talk about it years later, so it was effective!

YANBU. Let the mother know your DD was disappointed that her best friend wasn't allowed to celebrate her special day, through no fault of her own - and how much you had to pay for her non attendance.

YANBU. Sounds to me as though the other parent lost sight of the fact that this arrangement involved your child’s birthday and cost money, and behaved as though it was purely a family thing.

The party was in their house and lots of kids going.... I'm obviously in the minority here!!

At the time I would probably have said something along the lines of oh that's a shame for her to miss out, especially I've already paid £15 for her. But now a few days have passed and you've accepted the present the time to say anything has passed.

YANBU though

That's an awful thing to do. At 3 they have no comprehension, and it punishes the birthday child too.

My friend did this when her daughter was about 6. My dd was also going so she asked me to take the party gift and messaged the mum to explain why she wasn't going.
I understand why you need to stand your ground with consequences, but I think it is a bit selfish towards the birthday child who will miss their friend being there, and the parent who has paid for an unused place, so other consequences should be warned about instead in place of cancelling the party.

Yanbu, I don’t agree with what she did as she’s effectively punishing the birthday child too.

Far too harsh for a 3 year old and not fair to the birthday child.

There was a similar post earlier today of a parent of a birthday boy and his six year old friends mother messaging to inform parent that his friend wouldn’t be coming to the party now because of bad behaviour.....

A friend of mine did this. She wouldn't allow her child to attend the birthday party of a mutual friends child because he had been naughty. I was at the party with my child and the host was really put out about it - she had paid for the child's place and it was a difficult thing to explain to her own child who thought her friend just hadn't turned up.

I guess it depends on the level of naughtiness involved, but it seems a harsh punishment for a three year old.

YANBU

It's not just her daughter she is punishing, she is punishing your daughter if she is upset at the other child not being there, and she is deciding to waste 15 quid of your money, on a punishment that was presumably unrelated to the behaviour.

She could have used a million other punishments instead which didnt affect other people.

I personally find it really really rude!

My friend did this to me once although not at a party, ds is best friends with her son and was really looking forward to him sleeping over. She rang to say her ds had been naughty so was grounded....ds was gutted and I was flaming. So unfair to do this.

Margotshypotheticaldog
"The party was in their house and lots of kids going.... I'm obviously in the minority here!!"
The party was not at their house it was at a local attraction where the mum had to pay £15 per child that said they were attending. Also 6 children isn't classed as lots of kids going. I've given out invites for nearly 20 children at preschool, I would class that as a lot of children going.

YANBU
I get wanting to follow through on a punishment, but why threaten with not going to a party in the first place?! Also very harsh on both your DD and hers. 3 is way too young for that sort of punishment.