Am I right to be annoyed by this? (Cultural appropriation?)

[TheincredibleBookEatingManchot]

Or maybe I don't have the right to be annoyed?

A couple I know who are white British have named their dog a Sanskrit word, which is used in Hinduism and Buddhism. Also the woman wore a bindi at their wedding. Maybe it's just because I don't like this couple anyway so anything they do annoys me but I feel weirdly personally annoyed and kind of bitter about it.

I am ethnically half Indian but culturally completely white British and my Indian family were all Christians (and now atheists) so I have no claim on anything Indian/Hindu/Buddhist; it's not my culture they're appropriating.

But still I kind of feel like if I named my pet a word from an Indian language or started wearing bindis then my Britishness, my belonging in this country would be called into question, but this couple, with their pale skin and light hair are secure in their Britishness, no one's going to start questioning their identity or tell them to go "back" to India, so they get to use things from Indian culture to make themselves look interesting and exotic.

And I don't. But I don't want to. So am I unreasonable to be annoyed at them?

I don't think I've expressed myself very well but not really sure how to make myself clear.

Quite possibly I am unreasonable and this has nothing to do with me.

Yes it was a response to a post suggesting that maybe she was going to an Indian wedding

But please do educate me more on my Asian culture

Yabu. It really doesn't matter.

bluebooby - you said it better.

@misspiggy19, im a white woman and wore a bindi at my hindu wedding in India to my Indian husband (many years ago). I did it because its what his mother wanted, it made her happy, and I had no problem with it. we both made compromises (coming from different cultures and countries) which is what lots of couples do all the time to make their marriage work. all the Indian people at my wedding were very friendly and kind, I never got the impression that anyone thought me wearing a bindi was offending anyone. I also wore Indian dress while I was there, that certainly wasn't cultural appropriation, I wore that stuff because it is loose and covering skin which helps in hot weather and covers you from mosquitoes.

@BlueBooby I totally hear where you're coming from on this, and it's so very logical and clearly well-intentioned, AND... what the cultural appropriation conversation points to is that it SUCKS that in order for a group of people not to be enslaved, or systematically disenfranchised, or beaten up in alleyways, or spat at in school, they have to wait for the dominant group to decide their culture is cool enough to appropriate.

And once the dominant group has done that, THEN they're allowed to have their culture - but not before. They have to become fashionable in order to be 'integrated', or otherwise 'eaten' by the dominant group so they don't stick out and bother anyone anymore.

This isn't to say that what you're saying isn't true - but it is a conversation to say that maybe that true thing is shit, and maybe we could do better.

And no, @Andypromqueen, I'm not saying shut down all the curry houses in Great Britain. I didn't say anything remotely of the sort...

each to his own of course, but I will wear what I want and call my kids/pets what the hell I want - I couldn't care less what other people say!

@EnthusiasmIsDisturbed But Indian isn't the same as Hindu, so your comparison to a Catholic wedding makes no sense.

But the issue with the dog's name is that it's Sanskrit - a holy language to another religion. People saying it's just a dog's name are spectacularly missing this point, I think.

After all, you wouldn't name your dog "Muhammad" or "Jehovah" would you? Because most people are aware that that could be considered spectacularly offensive. Surely using sacred language for the mundane is also pretty offensive, despite the fact that the dog's name obviously has a "meaning"?

I don't see this as cultural appropriation/not cultural appropriation - it's a question of religious sensitivity. Or rather, lack thereof.

People bringing up getting spat on, I have had all the racist insults over the years, even from teachers! growing up in the UK in the early 70's was very hard especially as my parents were very strict traditional sikhs, my worst attack was by older asian men when they saw me with my white boyfriend, my fathers family elders all disowned me and had family conferences about my conduct.

It swings both ways, respect that is.

YANBU

It took me a while to 'get' cultural appropriation. I used to think that words fashions etc arent owned by anyone and so anyone can use them.

Which is true, BUT -

Cultural appropriation isn't about those things. Its about white privilege. You explained it

As for those comparing appropriating Indian culture to celebrating St Patrick's day or naming a dog Hamish... I despair. Not the same thing at all (in an majority white western society).
^ what this PP said

YANBU

The idea that cultural appropriation is only offensive to those whose culture is being appropriated is stupid.

As is the idea that using a Scottish or French name is comparable, or Muslims putting up a Christmas tree.

The idea that cultural appropriation doesn't exist is probably the most moronic of all though.

Again, YANBU

I wouldn’t wear something that represents belief of some kind and for many is sacred just because it looks pretty or is fashionable or to blend in - that why I compared it to wearing a crucifix - it wasn’t me that made the assumption that the wedding she went to was an Indian wedding

Marrying into a different culture is not the same showing respect and appreciation for each other’s beliefs is important

That said, I don't think white people who wear bindis etc are inherently 'wrong' , racist, or anything like that.

They just do it because they have the freedom to do so without losing any social status, because being white makes you the highest social status, whatever you do.

And we should all have this freedom - every race should be able to do and wear what they want without it affecting their social status.

Unfortunately cultural appropriation exists because we do not all have that freedom.

So liberation of all from systematically engrained social hierarchy's is what's needed

• culture , I should have said - not race.

Sorry, my internet is really bad tonight, keeps going off.

Thanks to everyone who has replied. I've read all of your posts, sorry for not responding individually, didn't expect so many.

Those saying maybe the woman was wearing a bindi to an Indian wedding. It wasn't. It was her own wedding, paired with a traditional western white wedding dress.

does that mean you think nobody white English should ever say, wear a kilt or eat jerk chicken, etc?

There is a difference between enjoying the food of a culture and dressing up as if you belong to a culture when you don't, because you want to look cool or pretty for the evening.

And there also is a difference between the experience of the Indian and Scottish communities in the UK.

I think YABU, being cognizant that I am also unreasonable as it would annoy me too.

My Indian friend recently got called a “spy cam” and “p*ki bitch” for wearing a bindi in public recently. White people can wear a bindi in public, a lot of the time not even know what wearing a bindi is for, and not be abused in the same way. That is definitely cultural appropriation.
No it isn’t the same as English people eating Haggis.
The dog I wouldn’t really care about tbh.

Drones of white people fighting for their right to wear whatever they want... If only they fought so hard against racism/colonialism.

OP, you're NOT being unreasonable and I get 100% where you're coming from and you're expressing it very kindly too, but Mumsnet is mainly white and unfortunately white privileged blinds most of them, judging by this thread.

And no, you having a partially French username is not the same or hypocritical. Neither is any mixing of Scottish, Irish or any other European clothes/names/customs. And to those who don't understand why, have a google, I can't be arsed to explain, but the information is there if you fancy it.

I wear an obvious sign of being married into a certain culture. It was given to me by my in-laws at my wedding and I wear it with pride and it means a lot to them. I didn't know anything about it as my husband isn't into his parents' culture and traditions at all, having lived in the UK all his life. I have, however, been spoken to actually rather aggressively I would say on more than one occasion, by women from this culture, questioning why I am wearing it and if I even know what it represents!
Who is in charge then on who makes the cut in being able to wear items such as these? Were they correct in 'calling me out' for wearing it because my skin isn't quite the right shade for their own prejudice? Loads of other people have commented on it politely and with interest and I take pride in explaining its significance but some people seem to think I am appropriating and don't have the right to wear it yet they somehow do?!

They can do whatever they like!

People have always been influenced by things which come from other cultures than their own. That's normal and desirable. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

It is only weird if someone actually claims to be from a culture or race which they aren't, such as Rachel Dolezal, a white woman who reinvented herself as 'black'.

"Why would a white woman wear a bindi?"

Because she would like to and this is a free country?

Instead of being offended, be flattered that this couple are interested in aspects of another culture.