To ignore ex’s messages and requests for paying off debt.

[Gonewiththemadness]

I’ll try not to make this too long but I’m not sure that I’m doing the right thing although actually even though this isn’t usually the route I’d take it feels like the right thing.
We had pets (which I have as they were more mine than ex’s) and one of them had a vet bill from an emergency vet cost shortly before we broke up which was in ex’s name.
I said I’d pay when I had the money to do so and then we broke up and to be honest I’d forgotten about it until ex text me around 2 months ago about it. I paid a quarter of it to the company and was planning to do installments but have now decided against paying anymore.
My reason being that in the 4 years together I paid for almost everything including ex’s DC’s birthdays, Christmases, clothes and uniforms ect which is fine as I wanted to but I also paid all the rent, all the food and bills and despite continuously asking ex to contribute even just £30-£50 a week it rarely materialised and I wasn’t happy with that which I’d made clear at the time.
We were also engaged to be married and I lost allot of money on that. £1,400 to be exact. It wasn’t right that we got married as it wasn’t a healthy or loving relationship and although it was me who felt stronger about that ex also agreed it was a good idea not to marry at the time. Was supposed to cancel the venue ect and had apparently tried only to leave me with the full costs after lying in regard to contacting them ect.
We also booked a holiday shortly before breaking up which ex said I should put in my name (of course) which obviously I cancelled after the break up and then was left with another £400 debt for this in my name. I decided not to contact ex about it to save the hassle and just take it on as I’d rather have my peace and happiness than £200 fro ex for holiday debt.
The vet bill was £240. I paid £60 2 months ago and then haven’t paid again since. I got a message yesterday asking about it and asking about mine and my DC’s Christmas. Another message a couple of hours later asking me if I got the message and could I reply. My brother called today to say ex had text him to and asked if I’d changed my number and ask me to text.
When it came to arranging about seeing DC ect after the breakup and actually even before I would wait days, sometimes a week or so for a response but Ex expects an immediate response.
Ex was emotionally abusive which I’d not really realised so much at the time although I knew things weren’t right but I’ve since had counselling and I feel so much better being separated with no contact.
My question of am I being unreasonable though is basically should I be paying the vet bill debt?

Please can you vote...
YABU to say that I should respond and pay the debt
Or...
YANBU to say that I should just leave the other £180 unpaid by myself and not respond to the messages.

Tell him as he owes you 200 pounds for the holiday, he still owes you 20 pounds.

Or just ignore him and block him.

I don’t think you need to pay this money.

Congratulations on getting rid of this guy.

You agreed to pay it? Just pay it.

Why pay a bill in his name when you are no longer together?

Think about what you would say if a friend came to you with the same problem? What would be your advice?

Has the vet been paid?

I'd reply and say you're not paying as you bore the loss of the holiday (amongst other expenses).

Then block.

YANBU. Tell him yes if he’ll pay his debt and give him a list of things he owes you money for. Include half the rent, the bills, estimated food, uniforms and presents bill (for however many months/years) plus half of £1400 for the wedding debt, and half of £400 for the holiday.

Send him a bill for all the things you paid for his kids.
For his share of the bills, you'll be rolling in it.
Tell him if he doesn't stump up you'll take him to small claims court.
Ask if he's found another mug to cocklodge from.

I'd pay it because you agreed to pay it. It doesn't matter about the other things because you didn't have an agreement over those. I would much prefer to stand by my word and be aware that I am a decent person than backtrack. If you do that then you'll probably have minimal contact with him in future. If you backtrack he may cause you hassle. It isn't worth it for the sake of £220.

Does he pay child maintenance?

Your pet, your bill. Your decision to waive money owed to you is separate.

Don’t pay it. That would be muggish.

I agree with @Drabarni, tell him he owes you £XXXX and to deduct the vet bill from it before he pays you back what he owes you.

Twat (him, clearly :) )

As much as I don't think you should pay it based on what he owes you. my question would be would it effect any future treatment or insurance to the pets?
If yes then pay it. For your pets sake not his.

I wouldn't pay it but I'd tell him exactly why. Then block him.

The agreement was you would pay the vets bill. While the other issue re money may be unfair they are irrelevant. Pay the bill for your pets treatment especially if you still use the same vet.

No I wouldn't pay. Given you have been left short due to wedding and holiday cancellation he can sod off. The bill is in his name so let him deal with it.

I'd reply back with a bill for half of all the costs he's stuck you with over the last few years and deduct it from that total....

I wouldn’t pay it but I also wouldn’t have agreed to pay it in the first place. Tell him he owes you money for the holiday then block.

Paying for presents etc is irrelevant

If you don't pay the vet, next time you have an emergency they wont help and your pet could die! Worst case granted but you get my point. You're the one that needs the vet so I'd pay.

Send him a bill for everything he owes you and tell him to take what you owe him off it.

Tell the cocklodger to piss off. If the bill is in his name then tough luck, don't pay it. He owes you loads anyway for all the stuff you paid for without his contribution.
He can't do anything about it so block his number.

I totally understand how you feel and how unfait this is. BUT it is also unfair to the vet who gave his time and energy into treating your dog. The current situation is in no way his fault so get him paid as a priority and then pursue your ex in other ways.

I agree with you, don't pay. You've paid out/lost out enough already, you don't owe more. Ex should sort it out. Send a final text "You owe XXXX for cancelled wedding and holiday, deduct the vet money and pay the rest. If can't pay up, don't contact me again". Make that your last text, don't respond further and block.
If you pay up on this he'll find something else to chase you with. You are best out of it all, you've shouldered enough.

You agreed to pay so pay yabu to refuse whatever your reasons.
Is the bill in your name of his as further action is taken it may end up costing more . I'd sort it out with him pay up then you have no further reason to speak to him .

If the bill is for your pet then just pay it. Why should the vet be out of pocket because you have now finally decided financially enough is enough. Don't bring anyone else into this situation, pay the bill, and then you won't have to keep hearing from him. You obv paid for all the stuff before willingly and so if you've now decided you were a mug, well, that's not the vets fault is it.

If you just owe the money directly to him then no, don't pay.

Send him a bill for his half of everything that he didn’t contribute to minus the vet bill. Make sure he understands how out of pocket you are due to a relationship with him. I did this with my X. When he saw it all in writing he realised how lucky he actually had been over the years and agreed to cover the bill that he was coming after me for.