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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cut off Family member for calling my son a faker?

101 replies

WTFsmh12 · 08/01/2020 11:54

Over the last year my eldest dc has developed a illness ,at first the symptoms were very odd and I initially thought he was attention seeking (we’d just moved in with my long term partner and he was struggling to adjust- we all were) soon became apparent that it wasn’t anxiety so fast forward to a year later and many visits to doctors, paediatric clinics etc we are waiting for a endoscopy. He’s lost so much weight and he’s been so poorly at times. Especially over Xmas . Now my Sister is close to both children ,often taking them for weekends and helping out when I’m working late etc ,I’ve often spoke of foods he can’t handle, triggers off his condition and he will tell her what he can and can’t eat. So just before Xmas they stay with and she texts me angrily saying Ds has been throwing up everything she gave him to eat. What a waste etc. Why does he continue to draw attention to himself by faking this condition? . I am incensed ,I’ve kept her up to date and informed of what’s happened with his illness/condition but she just said “well I’ve given him this, this, and this and he eaten it just fine ....( All the foods that trigger him, obviously later it’s flared up and he’s thrown it all up) he’s obviously taking you all for a ride ,you will see his true colours soon .” When I didn’t reply straight away by message she sends another saying ,” see - you can’t even defend him cos you know it’s true!” I was so upset and angry at her reaction. I sent a huge long message saying how very dare you, etc and put her messages on mute. I Needed to think whether I needed a person like that in my life or my sons. I later Spoke to my son and said why did you eat all that stuff knowing what it would do? He said she just told him to eat it -stop faking and just get over himself cos no ones believing him. A few days later she messaged asking if I’m ok, no reply and then a few more days later she messages saying she ain’t wasting anymore time on me, and leaves waving hands emojis. It’s worth saying that my eldest sister has nothing to do with this Middle sister is often seen as attention seeking individual throughout our childhoods and a couple times throughout our lives I’ve Cut contact cos of spiteful messages and calls . Aibu to cut her off again. I feel Like I need to concentrate wholly on my family and we don’t need unhelpful comments like that.

OP posts:
MuchBetterNow · 08/01/2020 11:57

Ditch her. Wishing your ds well, my ds had a lot of similar issues. I feel your pain.

zasknbg · 08/01/2020 11:57

Yes cut her off.
She sounds cruel feeding a child something she has been told will make that child sick!

OpportunityKnocks · 08/01/2020 11:59

She's not being supportive at all, you need family members to support you, not actively work against you. I'm so sorry OP, it must be so stressful for you.

Have I read correctly that she actively made your child eat something that she knew that he would throw up? That is awful, no way would I leave my child in her care again.

I don't think I'd cut contact, but I'd go very low contact.

Theredjellybean · 08/01/2020 11:59

out of interest what condition does he have ?
How old is your DS ?
If he has not had a diagnosis yet have you considered he might have an eating disorder ?

Triglesoffy · 08/01/2020 11:59

Can you cope without her help re childcare? If so, ditch her as she is not helping your DC. Can you find alternative childcare?

Blueroses99 · 08/01/2020 11:59

So throwing up after giving triggering food is faking and not proving that these are in fact triggering foods? Crazy logic. Can’t argue with such logic however and don’t blame you for cutting them off.

mbosnz · 08/01/2020 12:00

I'd be going nc because I couldn't trust myself as to what I'd say if I did speak to her.

Your poor son. And poor you.

Last thing you need is silly, ignorant, know it all madams like that to contend with.

RightOnTheEdge · 08/01/2020 12:00

She sounds absolutely terrible! Definitely ditch her.

Your poor boy Sad what a cruel way to treat him.

Triglesoffy · 08/01/2020 12:01

Also, what are the foods that trigger him? My DD has an awful sensitivity to E numbers.

MGC31 · 08/01/2020 12:01

I really don’t like the phrase “attention seeking”.

ALL behaviour is attention seeking to various degrees. The point of any behaviour is an attempt to fulfil a need that isn’t currently being met, whether that is physical, emotional, psychological or unknown. If more people could understand that, we’d live in a much more tolerant society.

Dacquoise · 08/01/2020 12:02

She's not very sympathetic is she and quite forceful in her opinions isn't she? Only you can decide whether you don't want to see her again but I think it's important that your son feels believed and supported until you have a resolution to this problem. He may not want to be around someone who bullies him to eat things that upset him and talks about him in this way. She's behaving like a bulldozer with boundaries you have set and the sarcasm at your response isn't helpful.

candycane222 · 08/01/2020 12:03

The diagnosis is a red herring I think, jellybean. It's the sister/aunt's attitude that is at issue here, and it stinks.

Tartyflette · 08/01/2020 12:04

If she is an attention seeker herself perhaps she sees your DS as 'competition' somehow , and can't handle it.
She sounds very immature and self-centred at the very least and you're not BU to reduce or cut contact.
Hope you get some resolution soon with your DS' illness, it sounds worrying for you. Flowers

Lordfrontpaw · 08/01/2020 12:08

You son is your first concern. Focus on the poor guy and getting to the bottom of the illness and future treatments. You don't need to be dealing with nonsense too - if people can't be supportive (or at the very least neutral) then you can't be expected to waste your energy on them.

She knowingly gave him foods that she knew could cause him to be ill - that's like those idiots who slip an allergen into someones food so they can say 'gotcha!'. A very dangerous and stupid thing to do.

Ignore her, don't even tell her when the results come in. She isnt interested.

BlackCatSleeping · 08/01/2020 12:09

I wouldn’t leave my children with someone who deliberately feeds them food that makes them sick. I agree with blocking her texts for now and focusing on your sons well-being. I hope they can find a cure.

recrudescence · 08/01/2020 12:12

I think you need to waving hand emojis too. Keep her on mute.

Batqueen · 08/01/2020 12:14

Your poor ds. I’ve been that kid who people didn’t believe and it’s horrible. It got to the stage that i didn’t bother telling anyone when half of my body went numb as it felt like I’d caused enough trouble already. The relief when a neurologist asked me if things felt the same on both sides of my body and I could finally say ‘no! They don’t!’ And the shock on my poor mums face. . .

You don’t need people like this

Lordfrontpaw · 08/01/2020 12:16

I think you need to waving hand emojis too I'd be more tempted to send the extended digit one...

CakeandCustard28 · 08/01/2020 12:16

She sounds bloody awful! She’s done you a favour and taken the trash out herself. I wouldn’t waste another minute on her.

1forsorrow · 08/01/2020 12:20

She is abusive, don't let her hurt your son anymore. She sounds pure evil to me.

Whoopsmahoot · 08/01/2020 12:23

Dump her. Your priorities need to be elsewhere. My daughter was ill for 2 years before finally being diagnosed with UC -none of the usual symptoms showed first. Lots of talk of " just man up and get on with it" or "lazy teen" then we found out she had a chronic lifelong disease. Trust your instincts - if you don't think she is faking then batter on the doors of doctors til you get a proper diagnosis and help. Your sister is not worth wasting your energy on.

WTFsmh12 · 08/01/2020 12:24

Many thanks for your reply’s, and comments already. It’s thought my son has GERD but until endoscopy happens and we’re told different we just have to treat it as such, he’s taking lansoprazole and gaviscon advance after meals .Hes also got Lunbar sacral Lipoma but it’s not thought the two are connected. Trigger foods are anything tomato, chocolate, carbonated drinks and caffeinated ones too, bread, and sweets, all the things a teenager loves! 😔 main problems are acid attacks and regurgitated foods, and a terrible hacking cough at night where he coughs up acid. I have also wondered if she sees him as competition too, but I’m not gonna be putting him or my youngest in that position again. Luckily I don’t need to rEly upon her for childcare either. I was just a little bit torn as sadly my family is limited since main parent passing away, I thank you all and will definitely keep the mute button on!

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 08/01/2020 12:26

jesus ditch and her most definitely don't leave your poor son in her care again

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 08/01/2020 12:28

Well she can fuck off Angry

Lordfrontpaw · 08/01/2020 12:28

Poor guy - sounds awful. Ask if they can refer you to a nutritionist or dietician.

There are some foods that you can eat that counter the ill effects of the 'bad stuff'. Is cheese/fermented foods causing problems too?

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