To cut off Family member for calling my son a faker?

[WTFsmh12]

Over the last year my eldest dc has developed a illness ,at first the symptoms were very odd and I initially thought he was attention seeking (we’d just moved in with my long term partner and he was struggling to adjust- we all were) soon became apparent that it wasn’t anxiety so fast forward to a year later and many visits to doctors, paediatric clinics etc we are waiting for a endoscopy. He’s lost so much weight and he’s been so poorly at times. Especially over Xmas . Now my Sister is close to both children ,often taking them for weekends and helping out when I’m working late etc ,I’ve often spoke of foods he can’t handle, triggers off his condition and he will tell her what he can and can’t eat. So just before Xmas they stay with and she texts me angrily saying Ds has been throwing up everything she gave him to eat. What a waste etc. Why does he continue to draw attention to himself by faking this condition? . I am incensed ,I’ve kept her up to date and informed of what’s happened with his illness/condition but she just said “well I’ve given him this, this, and this and he eaten it just fine ....( All the foods that trigger him, obviously later it’s flared up and he’s thrown it all up) he’s obviously taking you all for a ride ,you will see his true colours soon .” When I didn’t reply straight away by message she sends another saying ,” see - you can’t even defend him cos you know it’s true!” I was so upset and angry at her reaction. I sent a huge long message saying how very dare you, etc and put her messages on mute. I Needed to think whether I needed a person like that in my life or my sons. I later Spoke to my son and said why did you eat all that stuff knowing what it would do? He said she just told him to eat it -stop faking and just get over himself cos no ones believing him. A few days later she messaged asking if I’m ok, no reply and then a few more days later she messages saying she ain’t wasting anymore time on me, and leaves waving hands emojis. It’s worth saying that my eldest sister has nothing to do with this Middle sister is often seen as attention seeking individual throughout our childhoods and a couple times throughout our lives I’ve Cut contact cos of spiteful messages and calls . Aibu to cut her off again. I feel Like I need to concentrate wholly on my family and we don’t need unhelpful comments like that.

I would also like to thank you all for commenting and wishing my son well. It’s awfully kind of you all. Fingers crossed for a gastroenterologist appointment landing on the doormat soon 🤞🏻

Your poor boy. Has he been tested for fructose intolerance? Just a thought as my son went through months of similar symptoms before he was diagnosed.

I have Coeliac and IMHO anyone who doesn't take another person's food allergies or intolerances seriously (either diagnosed or suspected) is NOT someone you ever want in your life. Certain food allergies can kill.

And a person who would knowingly expose someone to that food is no better than a poisoner. (OK, that may be hyperbole, but you get my drift).

You're well off getting her out of your life. I bet if you think carefully this was just the last straw in a long line of shitty things she's said and/or done.

Oh, and PS......have your DS tested for Coeliac. It's frequently misdiagnosed as GERD, IBS, or an allergy to something else.

Cut her out - she's damaging your son's physical and mental health.

FWIW my DD had bad reflux. We got the attention seeking too. It also turned out she had delayed allergic reaction to eggs and dairy FPIES its called. Doesn't show up on skin prick tests for allergies.

For DD she went on a very low fat, low sugar, dairy and egg free diet. Def no spices or tomatoes. No dried fruit, and no high sugar/high citrus fruits. No fizzy drinks, juice etc. No puddings/cakes/cookies at all. After 8 weeks of us all eating poached/steamed food her insides had healed up a lot. In the end, she is now off drugs in the main, and eats a balanced diet. She will never drink a cola/juice as it makes her ill. Every day starts with porridge - never an exception - oat cakes are good snacks. She can now have cakes, crisps and vegan ice cream which is fab.

Its a life long condition that can be managed but difficult if you've arses looking after him.

People like your sister infuriate me. Even if it transpires it is a disorder of the mind, it is still a disorder and he is still sick. Why would she give him food that triggers him, that is beyond disrespectful. I would get rid of her and go down every avenue possible to diagnose the illness. you need to concentrate on your family and not your "he is only looking for attention" sister.

We consulted a food allergy specialist who told us to cut out Soya (apparently it's very hard to digest) and she was better almost over night.

I have had a similar experience with soya.

Almond milk is very nice of your DS has problems with other types.

Horrible, can't believe she put your son through that.

I have sympathy with him, I have a couple of illness that are semi-invisible and the amount of people who think people like me are faking is awful. I wish I was faking!

She was very cruel to him and I think your son will feel very let down if you let this slide.

That is truly crazy behaviour; she is unhinged. Leave her to it

She is cruel and self-centered. Yanbu.

So she forced him to eat foods she knew would make him ill? Please don't leave any children in her care, she's a child abuser.

YANBU. I was essentially your son when I was a child and adolescent. I had what turned out to be Crohn's disease - which once diagnosed was treated quite successfully through diet and medication. I have been in good health for a long time now. But at the time of my childhood they thought children couldn't have it, so I was not diagnosed for over a decade. During that time, I had frequent unexplained illnesses with fevers; couldn't digest lots of foods; etc. Fortunately, my immediate family believed in me, but there were quite a few neighbours, family friends, teachers at school and even some doctors, who thought I was just a spoilt neurotic brat and was seeking attention. To this day, my confidence hasn't yet fully recovered from these attitudes, decades ago. I think you should protect your son from such cruel attitudes from anyone, and I would certainly keep him away from close contact with his aunt until and unless she is prepared to accept his illness as genuine. Maybe a formal diagnosis of GERD will do the trick, if she is the kind of person who needs professional confirmation in order to regard anything as valid. But she should not be permitted to emotionally abuse your son; and this is a form of emotional abuse.

I know this is not what you asked - sister is cruel, make sure son knows lost contact not his fault - but have you heard of Eosinphilic Oesophogitis (EoE)? If they are doing biopsies under endoscopy they can check for this too without needing an additional procedure. Good luck

And actually giving him foods that trigger him is of course a step or two worse than just emotional abuse; it's a form of physical abuse. Don't leave him anywhere where she can do this to him!

I would block your cowbag sister so that if she ever unblocks you, you still won't get further spite from her.

It's horrifying that she apparently feels no remorse whatsoever for doing that to your child. Utterly appalling. I can't imagine even thinking of doing something so potentially harmful to either of my nephews. She has a heart of stone.

I plan on blocking her @TheNoodlesIncident the instant she unblocks me.
Until I speak to someone in Gastro unit at the hospital I’ve still no idea what it is- we’ve only been weighed ,prodded about the belly and had his throat checked. No blood tests,no sputum tests, no stool tests. Nothing . But I will be asking lots and lots of questions .

Her logic made no sense, he knew she was feeding him food he shouldn’t have. Had she pretended it was all okay and hidden the trigger food then it would’ve made sense but only if he wasn’t sick from it. Extremely childish approach to take though. No teenager deliberately chooses to not eat those foods unless they have an eating disorder, either way your son is very sick and she shouldn’t be around children

I know she’s your sister but you’re best off out of it. She’s twisted.

Even if she did think the whole situation was precious then what harm is it doing her? Did she want a round of applause for her non-qualified medical sleuthing? Dickhead.

I hope you get some answers and guidance for your ds soon

I would encourage your son to try going gluten free many are wrongly mis diagnosed coeliacs. To the poster who said leave it to Drs to diagnose I find that attitude very old fashioned and dangerously naive Myself and my daughter would still be waiting for a diagnosis if we didnt research ourselves. In fact after many investigations for my daughter with no diagnosis made , the Gastric consultant said yes for many of my patients no reason can be found for GI symptoms . I had to intervene and say I have an auto immune thyroid condition and have to be gluten free He then said oh I hadn’t considered that let’s try that! So much for all knowing consultants ! Turns out she has had no more symptoms whilst cutting out gluten, she could easily have been seen to be “attention seeking “ when she was actually ill . Horrible to think someone would make your son eat foods he is known to be ill with to prove some point.

How horrid i suffer from anxiety and was told alot as a child stop playhing up get over-noone really cared in the 80s

i know your ds isnt but it doesnt change the fact your sisterisnt a caring aunt whatever is wrong she should show compassion

YANBU to cut her off.

I have GERD, it's an awful thing to live with. I have to sleep sitting up, I struggle to bend down as any pressure on my tummy sends acid flying up my throat, I have the awful hacking cough on a night-time, and will often cough until acid comes up and pours from my nose. My trigger foods are also tomatoes/tomato based meals, oranges, tea, spicy foods or anything particularly rich. I've spent 2 weeks over Christmas suffering with it badly, despite taking my daily meds. I take 30mg Lansaprozole on a morning and 30mg on an evening, but some days I have worse attacks than others.

If any of my family dared to say that I was 'faking it', I'd cut them off with no question. I'd rather not have this at all and certainly wouldn't fake it. I can't even go out for a decent 2/3 course meal without suffering for hours afterwards with a swollen, tender, bloated tummy and constant acid reflux.

I wouldn't even reply to your sister, just mute her and concentrate on getting your son well. Good luck OP

Send her this thread and let her see what other people think of her behaviour, it might be a wake up call! Hope your son gets the answers he needs and that he gets better.

OP, be reassured I have never regretted cutting off the remainder of my toxic family.
Life is calmer and I say that as someone needing an organ transplant - they’re the obvious men to ask but I wouldn’t because a. They wouldn’t help and b. If they did I’d have to tolerate the toxic fuckery again!
She sounds bloody awful. Feel no guilt, hold your nerve and focus on your boy. Good luck with those tests.

Hi op,

My son has all the same symptoms and reactions as your son. Mine was diagnosed with Achalasia when he was 8, he's 13 now. It's very rare in kids but maybe worth you asking for a barium meal swallow for your son to see whether he has a birds beak oesophagus.

Sack your sister off...what a vile creature!

@WTFsmh12

I have GERD, and my trigger food is also Chocolate, Sweets, Tomatoes, bread etc....