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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cut off Family member for calling my son a faker?

101 replies

WTFsmh12 · 08/01/2020 11:54

Over the last year my eldest dc has developed a illness ,at first the symptoms were very odd and I initially thought he was attention seeking (we’d just moved in with my long term partner and he was struggling to adjust- we all were) soon became apparent that it wasn’t anxiety so fast forward to a year later and many visits to doctors, paediatric clinics etc we are waiting for a endoscopy. He’s lost so much weight and he’s been so poorly at times. Especially over Xmas . Now my Sister is close to both children ,often taking them for weekends and helping out when I’m working late etc ,I’ve often spoke of foods he can’t handle, triggers off his condition and he will tell her what he can and can’t eat. So just before Xmas they stay with and she texts me angrily saying Ds has been throwing up everything she gave him to eat. What a waste etc. Why does he continue to draw attention to himself by faking this condition? . I am incensed ,I’ve kept her up to date and informed of what’s happened with his illness/condition but she just said “well I’ve given him this, this, and this and he eaten it just fine ....( All the foods that trigger him, obviously later it’s flared up and he’s thrown it all up) he’s obviously taking you all for a ride ,you will see his true colours soon .” When I didn’t reply straight away by message she sends another saying ,” see - you can’t even defend him cos you know it’s true!” I was so upset and angry at her reaction. I sent a huge long message saying how very dare you, etc and put her messages on mute. I Needed to think whether I needed a person like that in my life or my sons. I later Spoke to my son and said why did you eat all that stuff knowing what it would do? He said she just told him to eat it -stop faking and just get over himself cos no ones believing him. A few days later she messaged asking if I’m ok, no reply and then a few more days later she messages saying she ain’t wasting anymore time on me, and leaves waving hands emojis. It’s worth saying that my eldest sister has nothing to do with this Middle sister is often seen as attention seeking individual throughout our childhoods and a couple times throughout our lives I’ve Cut contact cos of spiteful messages and calls . Aibu to cut her off again. I feel Like I need to concentrate wholly on my family and we don’t need unhelpful comments like that.

OP posts:
WTFsmh12 · 08/01/2020 13:05

Replying to blackcatsleeping , no he’s not overweight -And he wasn’t to start with. he’s actually underweight for his age and height , and now even more so.

OP posts:
Didkdt · 08/01/2020 13:11

Ok I think it's a given that you ditch the witch
But my God the people on here diagnosing your son's condition and mental state based on your opening post makes me wonder why all those Drs treating him bothered going to medical school Confused

VivaLeBeaver · 08/01/2020 13:15

Oh please go NC. If you don't it sends a bad message to your son.

What sort of aunt would say such things, she should be worried about him and asking what she can do to support him/you?

BlueJava · 08/01/2020 13:17

Just cut her off - that's a horrible thing to do and say to you and your DS. Some things are difficult to diagnose/fix and aren't resolved just by a doc visit. We struggled with one of my DS for 18 months before we found the cause (he's now ok thankfully) but you don't need people like that in your life. Good luck with getting a diagnosis and getting the issues fixed/treated.

VivaLeBeaver · 08/01/2020 13:18

But my God the people on here diagnosing your son's condition and mental state based on your opening post makes me wonder why all those Drs treating him bothered going to medical school

People are only trying to help and may have experience either personally or their kids of such illnesses. My dd has a hiatus hernia, coeliac disease and GERD. It took 9 years for a doctor who had been to medical school to diagnose her. She was fobbed off for years even though she had all the classic signs of a hernia and coeliac.

I'd have loved it if someone on here had noticed something and said have you thought about X?

Ellie56 · 08/01/2020 13:19

Yes cut her off. You don't need her in your life.

antwacky · 08/01/2020 13:19

I'm sorry your son is so unwell and hope they soon get to the bottom of what's causing it. Stay away from that nasty mare, neither you or your poor soon need any input from her.

AngelicInnocent · 08/01/2020 13:21

Can't believe someone would deliberately do that to a child they are supposed to care about (or anyone else tbh). My DD is ill today because I missed the tiny may contain warning on something I fed her and I feel so guilty.

She must be a truly heartless bitch to do that deliberately.

ScreamingBeans · 08/01/2020 13:21

Wow.

It's astonishing that people like this still exist in 2020.

YANBU. She's not fit to be near your kid.

Hope you get a diagnosis soon and he gets better. It's horrible having a sick child. Flowers

alfagirl73 · 08/01/2020 13:21

Gosh - this takes me back to when I was a child - I was staying at my Aunt's house and while there came down with an illness - without going into tedious irrelevant details - it was temporary and curable - but it meant that until it was sorted, eating was excruciatingly painful. I couldn't understand it - as a child I had no idea why it was so painful but I obviously didn't want to eat.

I remember my Aunt shouting at me for not eating my lunch, I was very upset saying it hurt but she wasn't having any of it. Now bear in mind - I always ate well - never did I refuse lunch/dinner at her house. So this was highly unusual and you would think would've flagged up that something was genuinely wrong.

I remember her taking me home in a fit of annoyance - like I was making a fuss about nothing and wasting her time - she was vile to me. My mum took me to the doctor (initially telling me I was going as a kind of "threat" because they were all acting like I was making it up) - he diagnosed me in 2 mins and one of the first things he said was "eating will be incredibly painful!".

Well that shut everyone up! My mum was apologetic and sympathetic and I was actually fine within a couple of weeks - but my Aunt has never apologised to this day. I can't stand her and have nothing to do with her anymore.

I really sympathise with your son OP - it's horrible being a child and not being believed when you know something is terribly wrong - and even worse, being forced to do something that you know will cause you to suffer even more. I hope your son is okay soon!

ChloeDecker · 08/01/2020 13:30

YANBU and that is awful behaviour from your sister.

However, do remember that you also thought the same originally and I initially thought he was attention seeking and therefore forgiving her should be a possibility too.

strawberry2017 · 08/01/2020 13:48

Even if she thought he was faking, she should have never forced him to eat the food.
I don't think anyone would blame you for going no contact. I think for the sake of your child you should.
How would it look to your son if you maintained a relationship with her and she continued with this belief? That will mess with his head.
Mothers protect. So cut her off and don't feel in the slightest bit guilty x

Triglesoffy · 08/01/2020 13:50

There’s a difference between being doubtful about the attention seeking and being downright cruel. People forget that teenage boys are not only human, but can be incredibly sensitive too.

OP - you will always get those people who won’t believe that a teenager doesn’t want to have chocolate and fizzy drinks. It’s them, not you.

Soubriquet · 08/01/2020 13:53

Wow.

Yanbu.

How on earth can “eat these triggering foods” and throwing up is faking it?

She sounds seriously disturbed. Your poor ds

AmelieTaylor · 08/01/2020 13:54

@didkdt. Don’t be so daft. Lots of people with real life experience of various symptoms can be just what you need to find out what you’ve got and ways to ease the symptoms or research medical treatment.

Drs are not able to know about every condition, it’s symptoms nor their non medical syringe relievers/cures. Plus the vast majority do not have the time or resources to be as effective as they could be

No one is ‘diagnosing’ they’re offering possible reasons for his symptoms and sharing things that have helped them

It’s a shame you think peoples lived experiences are Irrelevant.

🤷🏻‍♀️

AmelieTaylor · 08/01/2020 13:59

@WTFsmh12

I would go very low contact to the point where I’d only see her if it was a major event in someone else’s life (cousins wedding etc)

She’s a bitch & nasty. Even if she thinks that she should still abide by the food restrictions ‘just in case’ and to avoid even the slimmest chance of anything making her nephew ill.

Plus her stupidity afterwards would make me distance myself from her. She’s as thick as mince.

I hope you find the cause & a solution for your son

Kanga83 · 08/01/2020 14:00

I would go NC- but before that I would tell her what an ignorant cruel bitch she is for deliberately making your child ill, and if she ever attempts to contact you or your child again you will not be so silent next time. I hope your dc continues to improve. My MIL fed my child an allergen as she didn't believe me. My daughter spent three days in hospital as a result and now wonders why we haven't seen them in three years and no intention on doing so any time soon.

Frenchw1fe · 08/01/2020 14:01

I had similar symptoms, turned out I had multiple stomach ulcers.
Liquorice dgl from Holland and Barrett really helped me in unison with my prescribed medication.
Wish him well it's not nice.

CoraPirbright · 08/01/2020 14:04

Your sis is vicious and spiteful. No wonder your other sister is NC. I would go NC in a heartbeat. You have enough going on in your life without this kind of thing.

StrangeLookingParasite · 08/01/2020 14:10

I agree with Pickwick; she can fuck off.
Honestly, he starts throwing up and she thinks he's faking it?

I really don’t like the phrase “attention seeking”.

Nor me. When I was growing up, there was nothing worse than being an attention seeker. There was never the slightest consideration that sometimes it was OK to ask for attention. It's taken me a long time to unpick that one, and I'm still not finished with it.

Sagradafamiliar · 08/01/2020 14:11

Yanbu but I just wanted to add that anxiety is a real condition, and isn't 'attention seeking' as you stated in your OP. It really isn't.

StrangeLookingParasite · 08/01/2020 14:17

Oh, something else I wanted to add, re this comment:

Have you raised the head of your sons bed? I have gerd and a hiatus hernia and laying flat causes me to cough up acid and it's horrific.

I have had bad reflux, caused by both being overweight (working on that), and a gluten intolerance (given it up, rats).
One really unpleasant and dangerous possible side effect is acute asthma attacks, if the acid reflux makes it into your lungs. I've had it happen a couple of time, and it is quite frightening.
I pile up pillow and raise my whole upper body if I think there's risk.

Sorry, I'll stop derailing now.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/01/2020 14:18

What a horrible bitch. I'd be livid if somebody did that to my child. Definitely NC, your children are not safe around her. I wonder if she'd have been so slap happy with her faking comments if he had asthma for example. I can't believe what I'm reading. I wish your lad a speedy diagnosis and recovery...a horrible condition to have Flowers

MissConductUS · 08/01/2020 14:20

My mum was apologetic and sympathetic and I was actually fine within a couple of weeks - but my Aunt has never apologised to this day. I can't stand her and have nothing to do with her anymore.

These moments of petty meanness when we are vulnerable are never forgotten. Your aunt however has probably forgotten all about it, or changed the story in her head so that it no longer resembles what actually happened.

WTFsmh12 · 08/01/2020 14:23

UPDATE it seems that the no contact and no replying to her messages and waving emojis has resulted in me being blocked! So there we go, It seems to have solved itself.
I agree that anxiety is real and often when we was kids my mum would just say ignore her she’s attention seeking about the sister, now my son suffers it at times quite badly.

OP posts:
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