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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH incompetent at washing up

98 replies

Lycidas · 08/01/2020 09:34

Husband has a PhD in a science subject and can manage complex international projects, but still hasn't figured out the mechanics of washing up.

'Scrubs' dishes using the soft side of the sponge, so supposedly clean dishes still have marks and grease on them. Have to end up redoing these.
Rarely turns washed glasses upside down, so they just sit there gathering pooled water.
Doesn't gather to wash anything else that's in the kitchen other than those things immediately in/next to the sink. It's like blinkered tunnel vision.
Whole sink and worktop area is left soaking weft afterwards with residues of food, grime and soap. It looks so depressing that I almost wish he hadn't bothered.

Any attempt to address these meets a response of 'let me do things my way' and 'you should appreciate that I'm doing my bit'. Should I just let him carry on and keep sorting it out afterwards? :S

OP posts:

AsleepAllDay · 08/01/2020 14:27

Get him a pair of gloves, show him how to turn on the hot tap and get a new scrubbing brush (I think mine is called the Dishmatic and you pop refills on when the scrubby bit gets old.

I used to be lazy about your washing up because we had a dishwasher for years but it's very easy and very satisfying. Heavy/soiled dishes can soak for a bit but everything else can be done that evening. Have clean tea towels and some kind of cloth for wiping the sink/area after

If he has a PHD, he can figure it out with all those things provided.

ILearnedItFromABook · 08/01/2020 14:27

Different people have different standards, sadly. My husband's standard of a clean dish isn't too bad usually but it's not up to my own standard. Would we get sick if he were in charge of the dishes on a daily basis? No, I doubt it, but it drives me crazy when there's even a slight film of greasy residue on something, and the water splashed all over the place gives me a nervous tick, so in the end, it's better if I'm in charge of dishes. Some battles aren't worth fighting.

AsleepAllDay · 08/01/2020 14:28

*the washing up

hellsbellsmelons · 08/01/2020 14:32

I'd tell him not to bother.
Until he can do it properly he doesn't get to do it again.
Instead, his new job, as he can't do this one properly, is to clean the bathrooms, including scrubbing the toilets!
Does he do other tasks or this his only one?

inwood · 08/01/2020 14:34

My husbands idea of 'washing up' is to dip in soapy water. Every time he does it I restock it to the side so he can actually bloody wash it.

You cannot fry bacon dip a pan in water and hope for it to be clean.

I also refuse to deball his socks, take his pants out of bottoms or clear up his teaspoons.

pallisers · 08/01/2020 14:37

probably just a lazy man who thinks it should be your job to do the washing up as he is so important. this really isn't about the washing up.

Frenchw1fe · 08/01/2020 14:38

Well your dp is right about the glassware putting them upside down is what chips them. He should rinse them in hot water and dry immediately.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/01/2020 15:00

'you should appreciate that I'm doing my bit'

Really? Should you also be grateful that he doesn't hit you or have affairs? What other totally expected-when-you're-married things should you be grateful for?

DragonUdders · 08/01/2020 15:57

Ah, the old intentional incompetence!

adaline · 08/01/2020 16:23

But no, I don’t think he’s doing it badly so I can come and take over.

So when he lived alone did he just eat off filthy plates?

You say he's watching the football at the same time - in other words he's using the washing up as an excuse to watch TV!

WaterOffADucksCrack · 08/01/2020 16:26

My stepdad can wash up perfectly.....he has one arm. So your husband has no excuse, he's choosing to be bad at it.

X2Kevintheteenagers · 08/01/2020 16:53

Just make sure he get the dirtest cups and plates

nowayhose · 08/01/2020 17:01

Stand next to him in the kitchen when he washes up, and when he asks you why you are watching, you can tell him it's so that you can move the still dirty things from the drainer and back into the 'to do 'pile, cos HE can't !

madcatladyforever · 08/01/2020 17:04

I was thinking about this earlier actually. otherwise intelligent men who don't "see" mess and dirt.
Funny how that doesn't apply to the likes of male nurses and other NHS male staff.
If one of our male nurses behaved like this on the wards they would be ground underneath the heels of a hundred angry women colleagues.
We had one like that who was absolutely useless and he didn't last 5 minutes.
It's not that they can't do it, they don't want to and can't be bothered to do it properly because they think it's women's work and it's boring.

C8H10N4O2 · 08/01/2020 23:44

but still hasn't figured out the mechanics of washing up

You mean he hasn't bothered because he doesn't care enough.

you should appreciate that I'm doing my bit'

He isn't doing his bit. He is doing a shit job and I'd call him out on it as well.

Should I just let him carry on and keep sorting it out afterwards? :S

Honestly its not funny. Its strategic laziness and telling you clearly that he thinks its your job to sort out the house stuff he doesn't want to do.

BertrandRussell · 09/01/2020 09:42

“ I was thinking about this earlier actually. otherwise intelligent men who don't "see" mess and dirt”

Yep. Like the men who can drive a car and understand the offside rule but not operate a washing machine or interpret a school newsletter.

BertrandRussell · 09/01/2020 09:43

And before the apologists say “But most women can’t fix cars either” I said drive not fix.

Zaphodsotherhead · 09/01/2020 09:46

My XH used to wash up without washing up liquid. He'd been brainwashed by his mother to think it was bad for the planet (she did have a point there, admittedly) and unnecessary.

I pointed out that the grease wouldn't leave the plates without some form of detergent, however hot the water. I even did a comparison washing up session.

He finally saw my point. But I really did have to show him the difference.

PhoneLock · 09/01/2020 09:52

I also refuse to deball his socks, take his pants out of bottoms

What?

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 09/01/2020 09:58

When people say that men can't use washing machines, I always wonder who they think designed and built the washing machine in the first place.

lisag1969 · 09/01/2020 10:05

Buy a dishwasher. X

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 09/01/2020 10:11

PhoneLock

She means he takes everything off at once by pulling his underwear off straight away, so that the trousers on top come off with the pants

When this happens, you get a tangled mess in the washing basket. I know, because my children do it.

Cherrysoup · 09/01/2020 10:29

White vinegar, hot water and a balst in the microwave. Leave to cool.

Who has time for this madness? Scrub with scourer, blimey!

Well your dp is right about the glassware putting them upside down is what chips them. He should rinse them in hot water and dry immediately.

I have yet to chip a glass by drying it upside down-on my plastic drainer on top of the ceramic draining section of the sink.

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