Regret

[MonsteraCheeseplant]

I wonder how many parents regret having kids? I've seen a few threads over the years. I'm taking folic acid but am still undecided if truth be told. I've never ever had broody, maternal feelings but i'm running low on time to decide to be honest. I get all googly eyed and coo over baby animals....but not so much other people's kids. It's a leap of faith.

YANBU = I regret having kids
YABU = I don't regret it

If you do regret it, please could you maybe add something about why?
And could you maybe say something about whether you've always wanted kids or if you were or were not broody?

There's no poll is there

Sometimes I feel like I regret it but then other days i think they're the best thing that's happened to me. The days when I do are soo hard though. Feels really suffocating. I'm a through and through introvert and autistic so I find the constant need for interaction and being touched so draining. But I can't explain how much I love them and the joy they bring. Every time they do something or saying something for the first time my heart swells. I didn't think I'd ever want kids. I think having dogs is what kick started the interest

No poll. But I am really glad I had kids, and I agonized for years beforehand. I was really unsure, but they have definitely transformed my life for the better. I can understand why some people regret them though.

I can see the poll now!

There was a thread on this same topic yesterday:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3788932-Regret-having-children

I hope this helps with some of your questions.

I have never regretted having kids for a single second. I knew I wanted them since I was one.

I wish that we had just had the one, but this may be because my second child has been a nightmare throughout her life. She was a very difficult baby, I had undiagnosed PND, she has ADHD and we have since recognised very autistic traits. She’s now a very difficult 20 year old. I love her so much but there is no doubt that I struggled with two children. I have a friend who said that she decided that she would struggle with two and didn’t go on to have anymore. I envy her, and wish that I had had her insight.

I was never and am still not a baby person. I found the newborn and infant period stressful and boring. But I love my children and don't regret having them, and I enjoy them more and more as they get older. I love seeing the world through their eyes and the funny conversations we have. I love teaching them new skills and being with them when they experience things for the first time.

I regret not having them earlier. I was 37 with first and 38 with 2nd. Not one ounce of me regrets having them. I think I would have regretted not having them. Being a mum is hard work and financially draining but I would sacrifice everything for my babies xxx

I only regret the choice of father and the timing. Now I'm tied to him for the rest of my life and stuck in an unhappy relationship for the time being. I will never have another child as I won't risk another man becoming abusive once I'm trapped with a baby.

I don't think it's quite as black & white as that tbh.

Some days are really, REALLY bloody hard. (I have an almost 4 year old & an 18 month old) & I think to myself "why did I decide to have these 2 kids" etc.

BUT I would not be without them for the world! Hearing my eldest talk about things she wants to do when she's older (currently obsessed with moving in to her own home 🙄 - I think this has stemmed from family members moving house recently) & watching my youngest discover various things & hearing him start to say recognisable words melts my heart everytime he says them. But my gosh! No-one & nothing ever prepares you for the sheer bloody relentlessness of it all.

No, but I would regret having anymore. For me the balance has been going back to work, I would have regretted being guilted into thinking I needed to give up work and spend every second with them for the first few years. Everyone is different though, but I genuinely have no regrets, even on the hard, monotonous days. The most challenging thing I have found is the relentlessness of it; no matter if they're asleep you don't sleep too well as they might wake up, if they're at nursery in the back of your mind is if theyre okay. The flip side is that you are fortunate enough to love these little people so much that you always think about them, the other side of that is that you can never really check out.

I know there was a thread recently. I wanted a poll to see the proportions

I never wanted kids. DH did so he emotionally blackmailed me into having one. I’m now suffering lifelong health consequences and pain resulting from giving birth. My stomach is ruined by stretch marks and loose skin. I’m overweight because I have no freedom to exercise and I’m constantly tired so keep reaching for caffeine and sugar. My hair is grey and I don’t wear makeup because I have neither money or time to do myself up. I can’t work because of the cost of childcare and don’t think it’s nice to dump DS in care for ten hours a day while I work. That will have a knock on effect on my lifestyle and pension. I can’t even read a book or watch a film in peace because childcare is round the clock. My marriage is destroyed because we argue constantly about who’s more tired, whose turn it is to undertake the nightly struggle to put DS to bed, whose turn it is to have a break, calling the other person lazy and yelling that they’re not doing their fair share, I love my child and absolutely would not swap him but he’s destroyed everything else in my life.

I don't regret having children because they are wonderful sdults now and I also have 3 lovely grandchildren who wouldn't exist if I hadn't had children. I didn't really think about not having them. I was never broody and didn't show loads of interest in babies but to me it was a natural progression and part of growing up.
Having children does change your life like nothing else but I just see it as a different phase in life and once they are grown up the baby and chikd years seem not to have lasted long but I see them as probably the best and most productive time of my life because its making the next generation

Sometimes I miss the days when I could spend my sundays curled on the sofa with a good book and my cat. And I miss being able to go out with my husband in the evening on a whim or be able to go to a party and know I can sleep until noon the next day (weekend) if I so wished it.

But I wouldn't change a thing. Those days will come again when the kids are bigger. Won't lie, it's not been easy to be a parent, but the little beggars steal your heart like you wouldn't believe.

I have never regretted having my children. Sure there have been tough days, sometimes they just get on my nerves, sometimes they have reduced me to tears. But I have an overwhelming love for them and no matter what, I feel blessed to have them.

Eldest was a hard/high needs baby. I do recall having times where I thought ‘what have I done?!’ But that all seems a distance memory. She’s a stroppy pre teen now but she’s also a darling and makes me so proud.

My youngest has been, on the whole, a pretty easy baby. He’s now a strong willed toddler who can be very testing, but my god my heart aches for him.

I’m one of those parents who is completely and utterly in love with their children. However I think it’s very important to keep your own life going as well. I regularly see friends, exercise twice a week, we socialise a lot with family. I can imagine if you didn’t have that it would be much tougher.

They are 11 and 3 btw.

My babies are the best things that ever happened to me. Holding them to my chest and smelling their little heads (yes I still do this every day) fills me with love. They are amazing and I would have them again in a heartbeat if I had my time again.

They are fucking hard work, both disabled, one with several other conditions, mainstream school though, ds has autism and is particularly struggling with school which causes many meltdowns. Still worth it though. I do wish we had more support.

Slightly different angle from me , I have never had kids , I do not have a maternal bone in my body , when I was younger some friends kept on asking when am I going to settle down and have children, I said never .
I always got the responses like , Oh you will do one day , Thats such a shame , What a waste , Why whats wrong with you ( medically ) .
Most of my close family know that I have never wanted kids and dont ask but its annoying when I am made to feel like I am doing something wrong by not having them . .

Like you I will coo over other peoples pets but their DCs nope , not a chance .
Why do you think you should have a child ?

@AvaSnowdrop that sounds tough. How old is your DS? Sounds to me you have a DH problem, he should be stepping up more to allow you time to yourself. It’s so important.

I am sometimes a bit confused when people say they don’t have time to do their hair/make up (if they chose). It literally takes 5 mins to slap a bit of concealer, blush, mascara and gloss on - if that makes you feel better - not saying you have to wear make up. Ditto with hair, unless your expecting some sort of elaborate up do every day.

I know that makes me sound like a bitch! I mean it in the nicest possible way.

The key OP is having a supportive partner. There's no need to sacrifice everything in your life if your partner takes his share and helps out, and doesn't see it all as women's work. Have a long, hard think about whether there's a chance that could be the case. That would be the decider for me, as a previous post has illustrated.

Good question. 4 weeks into DC2 and it can be tough; he’s a Velcro baby compared to DC1. I wouldn’t say I regret them, but I get frustrated with the trade offs: I just want to go on a nice long holiday, see some cool things, meet some interesting people... not be massively preoccupied with house and life admin and wifework. However, I accept that this is relatively temporary. DC1 is a delight, and I agree with pp about seeing him learn new things. He’s almost 2 and his rate of language acquisition is very high currently; it’s fascinating to hear him come out with so many new words every day!

I feel sorry for the pp struggling with it all; marriage, weight etc. For me, childcare isn’t “dumping” your child, it’s giving them the opportunity to learn independence and new skills, meet new people, try new foods, learn some discipline. I go to work (well, I did between my pregnancies, obviously I’m currently on leave) and develop my career and self, increase my earning power, stimulate my mind, and get some time alone. DC1 comes back from nursery tired but happy, and everyone wins.

You’ve got to make the right choices for yourself, even if you do have children. There’s no prize for being a martyr in life.

I've never regretted having children, but maybe if I had a child who turned out to be a nasty piece of work, I'd think differently.

I found it hard work when they were much younger, but now one is in Uni and the other goes this year. So they're no trouble...just expensive to support in Uni.

Sometimes I hear about these prolific criminals....domestic abusers, rapists, etc and I do wonder how their parents really feel.

There was a woman who openly said she wished she never had one of her children...but then he had kidnapped and raped 3 women and kept them hostage for a decade and more.

*You’re

Gah hate not being able to edit!