Regret

[MonsteraCheeseplant]

I wonder how many parents regret having kids? I've seen a few threads over the years. I'm taking folic acid but am still undecided if truth be told. I've never ever had broody, maternal feelings but i'm running low on time to decide to be honest. I get all googly eyed and coo over baby animals....but not so much other people's kids. It's a leap of faith.

YANBU = I regret having kids
YABU = I don't regret it

If you do regret it, please could you maybe add something about why?
And could you maybe say something about whether you've always wanted kids or if you were or were not broody?

other people's kids are hideous.. you will not feel that way about your own! not that having babies is for everyone, i can see that only now I'm truly committed! you will always have doubts no matter what path you take. but trust me you don't have to like kids to like your own.

I have two DS7 and DS2. Older has HFA and younger almost certainly on the spectrum.

It’s not what I expected and coming to terms with it has been hard. But the surprises, the love they and you are capable of, the joy of each milestone is quite shocking.

My older boy cried after a nice day out because he says how much he loves his life and his family.

The little one who lights up when the cat comes in.

The entirely unexpected ease with which they interact with one another.

Nothing will prepare you for the love, tiredness and work of parenthood.

I did regret having DS2 for a while but I had PND - I’m much better now and my little sunshine baby is a tornado or chaos but he’s worth every sleepless night.

I really don’t care for other people’s kids though.

I grew up uninterested in children and babies
Hated dolls
Now at 34 I’m still not crazy about other people’s children but I don’t regret my own
Best thing I ever did

I was super-career oriented and completely disinterested in getting married/having children. All that changed when I met my husband. Somehow it made sense to get married and then it made total sense to have a child together. I didn't stop being who I was when we got married and I didn't stop being that person when we started TTC. Now we have a baby and I absolutely do not regret it - I'm still the same person, feels like I've only expanded (and not just in the waist).

I was never very maternal or interested in babies then when I was pregnant with DD1 suddenly I felt really protective over her and realised I really loved her. I still wasn't really interested in other peoples babies but became broody for another of my own. Have since gone on to have DD2 and 3. I love them so much and not a single regret.

Massively stressful though and there is never any end to it ever
I don't regret it though

Thank you to everyone who has voted and contributed. It's good to see that the vast majority of people do not regret having children. I am curious about how many people have a child for head rather than heart reasons and how that works out for them.

It's both the most brilliant, and horrifically draining, thing I have ever done. Sometimes it's fantastic and sometimes (like today) you're scraping shit out of their pants. Potty training, I'm led to believe, isn't a highlight.

I was definitely head. Wasn't pining for one. But my DD is absolutely excellent (shit aside).

@AvaSnowdrop

Sorry you're feeling so down. I'm assuming your DS is a young child so please be assured that this intense phase will pass and you'll get your life back.

Start with small steps now - my DD was huge and ruined my flat stomach so I started pilates at home and later added swimming which really helps.

Put aside a little bit of money for some make-up and hair colour if you don't like the grey. Perhaps ask for money or gift cards to a local salon for birthdays and Christmas. Everyone needs to do something for themselves.

Honestly, it'll get better. Ours are older now and we don't need a babysitter anymore. Your social life and couples time will come back.

Having my 2 dds Is one of the only things in my life I don’t regret.

The key OP is having a supportive partner. There's no need to sacrifice everything in your life if your partner takes his share and helps out, and doesn't see it all as women's work

Yes for me it all boils down to this. I have secretly thought that I regret my children many times but really what I'm regretting is my choice of father for them. It somehow turned into a 1950's arrangement where I was isolated at home while he worked crazy hours and wouldnt even change a nappy until I literally forced him to when DD was four months old.

So for that reason I found the early years incredibly difficult. But like a pp said, I'm a major introvert so I think I would have found it challenging even if I had had more support. It takes a huge effort for me to sustain a happy clappy demeanor all day every day.

However, they are getting slightly older now (3 and 4) and I have started to notice that I have more good days than bad and am starting to find joy in them that I wasn't able to see before due to sleep deprivation/ resentment/overwhelm. I'm hopeful I'll come into my stride with school age DC.

Funnily enough I always wanted DC - no question. I thought it would be the most amazing thing in the whole world and that nothing would ever come close to the happiness I'd feel on becoming a mother... er... ya don't buy into that OP! For some people this is case of course, but it's certainly not universal and definitely not my experience. I still yearn for Sunday's sleeping off my hangover/reading a book/lazing with my dog. Peppa pig and picking weetabix off the walls will never come close to that!

Wow 328 votes, that's good.

Although, you got to think of your sample. Would people who regret their children be more or less likely to spend time on social media for mothers? Could be less likely. Although one in six seems right to me.

I read somewhere that a life without children is a steady 7/10, whereas a life with children is full of 1s and 10s. I have two children and would agree with that.

I don't regret it at all but I enjoy it much more now they are primary school age than I did when they were toddlers. The year they were 1 and 4 was particularly rough.

I was never broody or interested in babies but have never regretted having my child. I might have if we’d had more than one as I feel I might have felt swamped but with one child everyone in the family can have their needs met and I feel I can do a good enough job.

I was thinking about the sample and thought that perhaps you'd be more likely to get struggling parents on a parenting forum.

I feel like I was in a similar position to you Op. then I fell pregnant and...oh my god. I was so happy. Yes throughout pregnancy I was anxious, sore, exhausted etc. But I was so happy.
DD is now almost a year. Unbelievably active and suddenly dislikes sleep. I’m so tired...but I’m still so so happy. Tiring...but fun! No regrets at all. (We’re sitting having a cuddle now and she’s dozing my arms. She’s still just the best thing in the world to me)

My feeling is that without children I would lack an anchor in life, at times that anchor has seemed extremely heavy and restrictive, but without it there is no telling where I might have ended up, and I have no idea if it would be better or worse

But that's just me...I can see that the ’7/10 vs 1/10 and 10/10’ scenario might be how it feels for lots of people

I only regret who their father is

I did regret it for the first year but I had a high needs baby and had PND. Since 12-18 months I have loved every second. Sticking with one though as that seems to be the sweet spot of having the joys of parenting without the stress. It does help that I have an incredibly easy preschooler though.

I never wanted children... and had a surprise baby! Than had a 2nd planned a few years later.
No regret at all. It's bloody hard work (especially when you have an unsupportive partner) but it's sooo worth it.