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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the etiquette when you take a ticket for an event from someone who's I'll?

89 replies

Diemme · 07/01/2020 22:24

Just before Christmas I had a ticket to go to a concert with 2 ex work colleagues. We were all really looking forward to it. The day before the concert I came down with a heavy cold and on the day I was really unwell with a high temperature. I messaged them both saying really sorry and gutted to miss it. I'd paid for my ticket but didn't have it as my friend had booked them and had held on to them. In the message I said 'if anyone wants the ticket then great. Obviously nothing I can do otherwise'. I thought it was obvious that I meant I ideally wanted to sell it but accepted I'd lost the money if no one wanted it. Anyway I found out today that they had given my ticket away. Just treated a friend to a free night without even mentioning that I might want the money. AIBU to feel seriously mugged off?

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 07/01/2020 23:59

I think "if not then nothing I can do" makes it obvious you wwere hoping to recoup some (if not all) of your loss.

But I also agree with PP's that some people miss things like that so if it ever happens again I would message "Do you know anyone who would like to buy it?" rather than assuming they understood.

MiniGuinness · 08/01/2020 00:05

If you had someone that would have been happy paying then you should have offered it to them. It it’s not down to your friends to sell your ticket for you.

Bowerbird5 · 08/01/2020 00:11

I ‘m like you I would have offered to pay or if I couldn’t afford it I would have offered half at least. I ‘d probably buy you a bunch of flowers to cheer you up too.

Not everyone thinks like you and I. Good karma comes back though.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/01/2020 00:12

@MiniGuinness true but equally, I think its fair to offer the two friends first crack at selling it on so they can find another mutual friend to spend the evening with rather than someone they dont know. Also they are more likely to be able to sell it on than the OP who's best offer would be "Would you like to spend the eveing on your own, or at best with 2 people you dont know?"

Ontheboardwalk · 08/01/2020 00:16

Pulling out the day before the event, I’d be glad someone could use the ticket at such short notice.

Weeks or months before the event it would have been nice to get some cash

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 08/01/2020 00:33

We had tickets for a sold out gig in the summer, and offered them up on Twitter due to illness. It’s a sunk cost. I was pleased someone could use them.

Aridane · 08/01/2020 00:34

I'd paid for my ticket but didn't have it as my friend had booked them and had held on to them. In the message I said 'if anyone wants the ticket then great. Obviously nothing I can do otherwise'. I thought it was obvious that I meant I ideally wanted to sell it but accepted I'd lost the money if no one wanted it

No, really not obvious at all. Just sounds like you don't want the ticket going to waste

DrivingMsCrazy · 08/01/2020 01:09

Your message wasn't clear OP. Lesson learned.

However I am the same as you - would always offer to pay if offered a ticket at short notice. Each time it's been turned down with a "just glad it can be used" but I've then made sure to pop round within a few days with an appropriate gift to say thank you. Once a dear friend was gutted to miss a gig and I got her a tour T-shirt as the thank you (which was hideously over priced natch 😂) and she still wears it many years later.

ThighThighofthigh · 08/01/2020 01:23

I think it's the lack of communication regarding the ticket that's careless. Your friends should have let you know Mary used your ticket and Mary should have sent you a thank you text at the least.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 08/01/2020 01:37

You should have sold it yourself if you wanted the money instead of letting them deal with it, they just offloaded it to someone who wanted to come

1forAll74 · 08/01/2020 02:01

Being charitable,it would have been a freebee from me. You have to cut your losses sometimes.

managedmis · 08/01/2020 02:20

Shitty behaviour from them let's face it

Newname1978 · 08/01/2020 02:34

I think what your friends did is completely normal. Ticket going to waste unless someone uses it

whiplashy · 08/01/2020 02:39

YABU

fedup21 · 08/01/2020 07:08

MiniGuinness true but equally, I think its fair to offer the two friends first crack at selling it on so they can find another mutual friend to spend the evening with

Maybe they don’t have the time to be doing round asking people who wants to go and how much it’s going to be, in order to recoup money for the OP. I would feel embarrassed asking people I knew if they wanted a last minute ticket but I still expected the cash off them for it! I was asked last minute to go to the West End to see a show last year-it was about lunchtime for a 7.30 showing but we’d have to leave mid afternoon. On the phone, the friend (not the one not going) was trying to persuade me and I was considering it but then she said that I probably wouldn’t have to pay her the full price! I declined-with train fares, dinner beforehand and drinks, it would have cost loads.

Sounds like all these things...OP wanting the money, wanting thanks, wanting a text, wanting a video etc could have all be resolved by her actually telling people what it was she wanted.

Also, the event was in the middle of December-that’s weeks ago. I would have text during the evening or the next morning, saying-‘Hey, how was it? Missing you all desperately! Did you find someone to go with-send me some pics!!?’

The fact that you haven’t spoken to them about it (have you spoken to them at all?) for a month is strange.

londonrach · 08/01/2020 07:30

Yabu...from your text you asking it not to wasted and given away. No mention if selling it, money etc. If the person who got the ticket asked how much your friend based on your text says she just doesnt want it wasted. Hope you better now.

TheoneandObi · 08/01/2020 07:47

I was the lucky recipient recently of tickets to events in lieu of a poorly and then bereaved person. In both cases the ticket older explicitly said 'I don't want money for the ticket'. Bit in both cases i bought them flowers to say thank you. I felt that was good etiquette

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/01/2020 07:49

Your message wasn't clear OP. You should have said somethi g along the lines of "too ill to come tonight, do you have anyone you know who may want to buy it off me?"

BeardedMum · 08/01/2020 07:55

I think it’s cheeky not to pay, though on occasions when I have had to pull out of something and only going with one friend have told friend to give my ticket for free so it’s more of a chance they find someone to go with and don’t have to go alone.

Thestrangestthing · 08/01/2020 08:10

I can not believe there are so many people who would take someone's ticket for a concert because they are ill, and not offer to pay for it. I have never come across anyone who would do this irl. MN is the weirdest place sometimes!

puds11 · 08/01/2020 08:12

I gave an event ticket away in September. They did offer to pay, I said no as it would have been wasted anyway. I’d just see it as nice that someone else got to enjoy it and not waste the ticket.

coconuttelegraph · 08/01/2020 08:13

The most I ask for if it's a friend is some photos, or a phonecall during my favourite song

Remind me never to take a ticket from you, or are you joking?

TheFoxAndTheMole · 08/01/2020 08:28

I think you were being unreasonable to expect them to infer that you wanted money for it from that text, (and actually from what you've gone on to say I don't think you really did) and for expecting them to do the work of finding somebody to buy the ticket from you at very short notice and in the run up to Christmas which is always hectic, too. If it had been a few days notice you could have sold it yourself on Facebook or something.

I see from later messages that what you'e really asking is AIBU in feeling miffed that the person who took the ticket didn't message me thanks or wish me well or offer money. To which my reply is well yes, I guess you're reasonable in feeling a bit irked at that, but maybe they thanked the friends, maybe they'd made it clear to the friends that they'd like to go but couldn't afford to pay, and/or felt awkward about messaging you just in case you started saying well whereas my money then. To me it definitely fails the "will I still care about this in 5 years time?" test, so it's not worth any more of your energy.

cstaff · 08/01/2020 12:28

If someone takes a ticket at the last minute because you cant make it then I wouldn't expect to be paid. If it is last minute the chances are that the replacement is only going because it is a freebie. Otherwise they would have had their own ticket to go.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/01/2020 12:39

Yes exactly, I can see an awkward conversational dance unfolding: 'Anyone want my friend's ticket for tonight, as she's ill?', 'Yes, sure, I'll give that a go, sounds fun!', 'Great, see you there, oh it's £50', 'Ohhh, I only said yes to fill the space and do something fun with you lot... ' < Thinks, would offering £20 be worse that declining outright? Maybe pizza and a film at home would be good after all... >