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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the etiquette when you take a ticket for an event from someone who's I'll?

89 replies

Diemme · 07/01/2020 22:24

Just before Christmas I had a ticket to go to a concert with 2 ex work colleagues. We were all really looking forward to it. The day before the concert I came down with a heavy cold and on the day I was really unwell with a high temperature. I messaged them both saying really sorry and gutted to miss it. I'd paid for my ticket but didn't have it as my friend had booked them and had held on to them. In the message I said 'if anyone wants the ticket then great. Obviously nothing I can do otherwise'. I thought it was obvious that I meant I ideally wanted to sell it but accepted I'd lost the money if no one wanted it. Anyway I found out today that they had given my ticket away. Just treated a friend to a free night without even mentioning that I might want the money. AIBU to feel seriously mugged off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Diemme · 07/01/2020 23:01

You're being grabby
I'm really not, it's not about the money and I probably would have turned it down. The event was in the middle of December and I only found out today that someone had taken my ticket. No communication from then until now. No message from the person (who I know well) to say she hoped I was feeling better and thank you for the ticket. No message from the others letting me know that they'd given it away. Nothing.

OP posts:
RowenaMud · 07/01/2020 23:08

It was the day before the event in December. How on earth did you think you would get money for a ticket that would otherwise be unused.

I'd have been glad that somebody had enjoyed the gig and I certainly wouldn't have thought I'd get payment or a token of gratitude for it.

I think it was very cheeky of you to think your friends would sell the ticket on your behalf too to be honest.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 07/01/2020 23:09

I have been on the other end of this before. Offered the place of someone who can't/no longer wants to go. It can feel like you're doing them a favour by going - being company etc so felt pretty miffed to be charged for it when didn't really want to go and wouldn't choose to go. If it happened again If be very clear I'd go but not expect to pay for it. If they want to sell it let them offer it to someone else. This is after sitting through a performance of Riverdance and pretending I was enjoying it then being asked to bloody pay for the privilege. If you were only willing to let the ticket go for money you should have made that clear from the start.

Chunkers · 07/01/2020 23:13

Who told you someone else got the ticket? Message and ask if they managed to sell your ticket.

FruitcakeOfHate · 07/01/2020 23:14

Really shouldn't expect an offer of money, tbh. Although she should have said thanks for the ticket.

Pixxie7 · 07/01/2020 23:15

I agree with you op I would have offered to pay. However it maybe that the person couldn’t afford to pay in which case it would be a kind gesture.

LL83 · 07/01/2020 23:16

h. I'd have offered money in that situation so just assumed it was the thing to do. If a friend called me and said I'm going to a concert with a and b but a's ill, do you want to come, my first question would be how much is it.
And the answer would be nothing she just said can anyone use it

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 07/01/2020 23:20

Did the other person who took your place know it was your ticket?

lottiegarbanzo · 07/01/2020 23:29

It's just lucky someone was able to use it. Surely that makes you happier than it going to waste?

Original poster
Diemme · 07/01/2020 23:29

Did the other person who took your place know it was your ticket
Yes, she also used to work with us. She knows me very well.

OP posts:
ViaSacra · 07/01/2020 23:30

I wouldn't have expected any money from your wording there. It sounds like you were just hoping the ticket wouldn't go to waste.

You should have been clearer if you wanted your money back.

LuluBellaBlue · 07/01/2020 23:30

I wouldn’t have expected money and would of said try to find someone for it (meaning for free) otherwise it would just go to waste.
The person probably didn’t thank you, as you didn’t actually give them or offer them the ticket? Your friend did.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 07/01/2020 23:30

Sorry, I think YABU. If you expected to be reimbursed you should have said ‘let me know if you can find anyone who wants it for face value. Otherwise I’ll call the box office and see if they’re accepting returns.’

Winebottle · 07/01/2020 23:34

I do think your wording implies you wanted money for it. I think it was a bit unreasonable to ask for money though.

Original poster
Diemme · 07/01/2020 23:34

That's why I'm upset I suppose. I'm part of a group of 8 people who all used to work together. We meet up at various events a few times a year. Me and 2 others arranged to go out. I was ill so it switched to the other 2 and another one of the group. I, ill and missing out was just forgotten about.

OP posts:
Chocmallows · 07/01/2020 23:35

I've seen similar twice before and think it's petty. First was a Christmas lunch, colleague ill on the day new temp was free and encouraged so took place despite not knowing many people (£25 non-refundable place). Colleague so annoyed she didn't get money from temp that she hasn't attended staff meal last two years.

Another work colleague cooked a cake for office, said she wanted a staff member in particular to have one slice, but did not want to take any home. Staff member was ill, other staff had cake. Colleague was angry with everyone who had a slice.

Life is so short, if you can't use something why begrudge another using it?

nomdunchien · 07/01/2020 23:38

I’ve given away tickets many times, first question from the (various different) people taking them has always been, how much would you like for them? I have never taken anything for any of them as am generally just happy they aren’t going to waste. Your message to your friends reads as though you felt the same, that you wanted someone to have them for free for the sake of them being used.

SpoonBlender · 07/01/2020 23:40

You are being unreasonable.

You were unlucky enough to not be able to use the ticket, and told the ticket holder "if anybody wants it then great". Anything that happens after that is really none of your business.

They won't want to have talked to you about the show afterwards if it was good, rubbing salt in the wound.

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/01/2020 23:43

I think it's the lack of care that annoys you not the lack of money and that's fair enough, I think they were unkind not to thank you/message you that they had fun or send you a little video to say hi - just something to know you were thought of and missed.

Batqueen · 07/01/2020 23:48

I’d always offer a token amount personally and make sure to say thanks to the person who missed out either directly if I know them or via my friend if it’s not someone I know personally so I do agree that they are rude but that you shouldn’t expect your money back.

Original poster
Diemme · 07/01/2020 23:48

I think it's the lack of care that annoys you not the lack of money and that's fair enough, I think they were unkind not to thank you/message you that they had fun or send you a little video to say hi - just something to know you were thought of and missed

That's it. 100%

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 07/01/2020 23:50

I was sick last year and had to give up a Killers ticket. My friend gave it to her sister who wouldn’t have gone otherwise, and couldn’t have afforded it even if she wanted to. I got a lovely text from the sister thanking me and letting me know she had a great time. I was really pleased and was glad the ticket was used and enjoyed. Yes, it would have been nice to get paid for it, but it would have meant my friend trying to find a buyer, and having to meet the buyer to hand over the ticket. It was far better that the ticket didn’t go to waste and that someone got some enjoyment from it.

maddy68 · 07/01/2020 23:51

I'd assumed from that you were giving it away , otherwise you would have said face value of something similar?

NurseButtercup · 07/01/2020 23:53

I was ill so it switched to the other 2 and another one of the group. I, ill and missing out was just forgotten about.

So what would you have liked them to do to make sure you wasn't forgotten?

Thestrangestthing · 07/01/2020 23:54

I think it's rude and weird for someone to take a ticket and not offer to pay for it. You would have to be a pretty cf to do that in my opinion.

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