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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Settle a disagreement - heating in the morning?

92 replies

WatchOutLurkerAbout · 07/01/2020 22:19

Lighthearted but settle a disagreement between my husband and I!

Our bedroom is above the boiler so when the heating comes on it's relatively noisy.

I have to get up for work at 6am, i take the dogs and the toddler to their respective day places and then go to work.

Husband is a contractor so his work is variable - sometimes he is home not working, sometimes he gets up with me to get the train, sometimes he works from home etc etc.

I insist that the heating is on a timer so that it comes on in the morning so I'm not freezing when getting ready etc. He's complaining that it wakes him up when he doesn't need to be. Heating clicks on when my alarm goes off so not on before then and not excessive.

So am I bu or is he?

OP posts:

Elouera · 07/01/2020 22:51

If the tables were turned it and it was me being woken up, I'd be annoyed because I can rarely get back to sleep so I can understand your OH's point of view. If you and baby are getting ready to head out, could you not just have a separate oil or blower heater on in say the lounge rather than turn the noisy heating on for the whole house? An oil heater could also be set on a timer to start 30min before you get up so its toasty warm, but doesn't wake everyone.

1Morewineplease · 07/01/2020 22:53

Why is your boiler noisy? Might need looking at.

Justgorgeous · 07/01/2020 22:55

Heating is off till later on. Can’t stand the stuffiness of it in the morning.

maloofhoof · 07/01/2020 22:59

If the heating comes on whilst I'm still asleep, I wake with a headache. I'd be annoyed too. Me and DP have constant heating wars, literally daily. He wacks it up and sits in a T-shirt in freezing January. Whilst I'd prefer to turn it down and put a jumper on. So I dress for winter and boil, so he can dress for summer.
Sorry, none of this is relevant I'm just pissed of with my own daily heating arguments lol

Fallsballs · 07/01/2020 23:07

Tell him to get up and get child ready then the heating won’t annoy him.
See if he likes it ?

yummumto3girls · 07/01/2020 23:12

He is beIng extremely selfish!! Next time he gets up before you suggest he doesn’t put the heating on!

jcalel80 · 07/01/2020 23:15

We never put heating on in the morning . Hate waking up hot and stuffy the kids complain if it's on longer than a few hours late afternoon/evening too so im with your hubby

FartyFenella · 07/01/2020 23:25

He is. You know he is. But no boiler should be that noisy from the floor below that it is waking people up when it comes on. You need to get a boiler engineer out or make him wear earplugs. What sort of noise is it? A huge ignition sound, pipes clanking, radiators gurgling or what? It isn't normal for central heating to make so much noise that it would wake anyone. My CH system is over 25 years old, is serviced annually and is pretty silent.

But what sort of selfish arsehole would be happy for his DW and DC to get up in a cold house because the heating coming on wakes him up?

Fr0g · 07/01/2020 23:33

Heating clicks on when my alarm goes off so not on before then and not excessive.

that's unreasonable - should come on at least 15 minutes or half an hour before, so that the house has warmed up before you get out of bed.

JigsawsAreInPieces · 07/01/2020 23:36

We often don't put our heating on until the evening and we're both home all day. If you're moving around doing things you don't feel cold anyway!

LoughNeagh · 07/01/2020 23:55

Both.
He is being unreasonable as he is not recognising that women feel the cold more, and that you are doing all those things so that he can stay in bed.
You are being unreasonable as you put on the heating knowing that it will wake him.
You both need a budget fund to move the boiler or your room.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/01/2020 00:11

Definitely reasonable to switch the heating on before getting up.

Torchlightt · 08/01/2020 00:13

We never put the heating on in the morning. And we're in Scotland. Toughen up!

Whatsnewpussyhat · 08/01/2020 00:17

If I know I'm going to still be in bed when heating is set to come on in the morning then I just turn the bedroom radiator off when I go to bed.

IncrediblySadToo · 08/01/2020 00:41

He is

I don’t have the heating on in the morning because the rads filling wakes me up & I feel sick if the house warms up when I’m still in bed, but if my DH )you) felt the cold and had to get up at a set time to take our dog & kids to daycare then go to work I’d just get up whatever time he/you needed to set the heating for. BUT more importantly I’d be looking after the kids & sorting out their daycare needs - not leaving it all to him!(you)

whattodo2019 · 08/01/2020 01:08

Definitely need the heating on in the morning!! Why not look into some sound proofing ?

Saracen · 08/01/2020 01:10

He is BU. Unless his job or some other good reason keeps him up late in the evening so he needs his morning sleep.

KatharinaRosalie · 08/01/2020 06:24

You both are, heating should be on before you wake up. It's horrible to get out of bed if the house is freezing.

Clearly, some people on this thread don't need any heating whatsoever, as they are tough and don't feel the cold. Good for you. Most other people do though.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 08/01/2020 07:01

Agree with PPs - you need your central heating system looking at. I can hardly hear mine (22 years old, new pump a couple of years ago).

I also don't see why your husband isnt getting up with you to help with kids and dog. So maybe keep the noisy heating to spur him getting up...

DdraigGoch · 08/01/2020 07:09

My boiler is IN my bedroom. I set it to go on half an hour before I get up. You get used to the noise.

Chuffit · 08/01/2020 07:15

I don't have mine on a timer, I just put it on as and when needed. Some mornings it can feel quite warm without it.
Can't you time yours to come on, but on a lower temp? Just to take the chill off but without it becoming too warm. That could be the compromise you need.

Apolloanddaphne · 08/01/2020 07:24

Our heating makes a noise when it comes on. It's the radiators not the boiler and it can't be fixed. My DH gets up very early for work and just puts up with the the cold. He is very quick with his shower and breakfast. I put the heating on when I wake up later using Hive so I don't have to leave the bed.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/01/2020 07:30

As I'm now having to get up on my day off sick to switch the sodding heating off as DP has put it on to hotter than the surface of the sun so his little toeses weren't chilled first thing, I'm going to disagree with everybody else.

But then again, I'm pissed off at having to breathe in 22 degree air, not the sound of it.

VaguelySensible · 08/01/2020 07:36

I suspect it's partly a male metabolism thing, as men generally feel the cold less than women.

We also sleep over the boiler, which comes on before our alarms go off, and usually disturbs me. It's not necessarily the boiler noise, pipes clank, and various bits of the house give the odd groan and click as things expand in the warmth.

We discussed it, and came to a compromise: the heating comes on only 30 mins before we get up, and DH showers first.

BlaueLagune · 08/01/2020 07:38

He is. I have a similar situation as DH gets up way before I do and the heating/hot water is noisy (though the pump was replaced last year and it is much better now). It goes on 20 minutes before he gets up.

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