Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about phone number in husbands wallet.

102 replies

Justbeingnosey · 07/01/2020 22:05

My husband works away a lot. He is a very hard worker and have never had any reason not to trust him.
He is not a drinker.. rarely goes out, and video calls our 7 Yr old and me every evening.

Before he was due to leave to go away again for work I found a card in his wallet.. A printed card.. Like a business card but just with a lady's name and phone number, from one of the countries he's been working in.
I have not confronted him. I have tried calling the number...and have left messages, I have also checked all his phone records and cannot find any calls to the number.
Any ideas of what else I should do before I ask him about it.?

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 08/01/2020 10:10

Why hasn't he taken his wallet if he is away for 2 weeks?

FizzyIce · 08/01/2020 10:15

@funnylittlefloozie great question!

easyandy101 · 08/01/2020 10:23

Just looked in mine and there's 3 numbers in there, 1 of them doesn't even have a name, no sign of them being rung from my phone

Original poster
Justbeingnosey · 08/01/2020 13:52

I saw it in his wallet, it was in a bag he had packed, before he went away, did not question him at the time... . Lots of family around.
I did take note of the number, as it seemed odd!
It's a mobile European number nothing comes up on Facebook, what's app, Google.
I am nosey, but do not normally check up on him like this. I only checked phone records after finding this... never have before.
I suppose feeling bit apprehensive with him being away so much.
there is not a massive drip feed, we have been happily married 14 years.
I will talk to him, I know he will be terribly hurt that I went through his stuff.. But will face that.

OP posts:
Zzzz19 · 08/01/2020 14:15

As a man, the last thing I would do if I was married and shagging someone else would be to leave a card with her number in my wallet! It sounds like you may be letting your imagination run away with you. You shouldn’t be going through his things though. I would be really mad at that.

Serin · 08/01/2020 14:29

Just ask him OP.
Say you were looking for your lost credit card/driving licence or something and thought he had maybe picked it up.
Hope things turn out ok for you both.

SimplyBlue · 08/01/2020 14:35

Possibly many innocent explanations. In some cities men get cards thrust on them all the time. Ever been to Vegas? The presence of a wife doesn't deter them!

Yes I went to Vegas with my dp and even when we walked hand in hand they didn't hesitate to try and thrust flyers and cards advertising "girls" at him.

My first thought would be that it was given to him and he'd just taken it and put it in his wallet without thinking. Now you've added the update about how organised he usually is and it being placed the wrong way round I suppose it could be suspicious but if it was a "Vegas-like" scenario he could have just been a bit flustered and put it in his wallet and then forgotten about it.

I wouldn't wait for two weeks to ask him though, I'd just ask on the phone. Well I'd probably have asked at the time I first saw it but I don't think I'd have had any suspicions to be honest. Were you looking in his wallet for a specific purpose or were you trying to find something like this because you already were worried about something?

PhoneLock · 08/01/2020 14:39

Say you were looking for your lost credit card/driving licence or something and thought he had maybe picked it up.

Yes, just lie to him.Hmm

Somanysocks · 08/01/2020 15:14

You could have just 'lost' the card and then see if any mention was made of it.

Salene · 08/01/2020 15:14

That's a prostitutes card I'm afraid 😟.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2020 15:25

Perhaps he was passed it and pocketed it to be polite / out of courtesy.

Then decided to keep it in his wallet for prosperity? Come on.

Inappropriatefemale · 08/01/2020 16:02

A sex worker possibly which is why she isn’t getting back to you, she will know a wife of a hubby has found the business card which is why she won’t return your call.

Sorry but I don’t trust men and I’m an ex sex worker and I know some girls work this way with a name and business card and esp in a foreign country.

Inappropriatefemale · 08/01/2020 16:03

@Salene I hadn’t read your post and I typed the same thing!

SaphfireRose · 09/01/2020 03:33
  1. Why do people say you shouldn't go through his wallet? You are married! A wife should be able to go through her husband's wallet, and a man should be able to go through his wife's wallet. This 'my spouse cannot go through my wallet' thing is rather disturbing.
  2. @Justbeingnosey do what a previous poster suggested. Get a male friend to phone the number for you (you don't even have to tell him it was in your husband's wallet). You will have your answer then.
HarryElephante · 09/01/2020 06:08

What compelled you to take his wallet out of his packed bag and rifle through it?

BlokeNumber9 · 09/01/2020 06:58

I have never been through anyone's purse or wallet. It's disgusting behaviour.

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/01/2020 07:12

I saw it in his wallet, it was in a bag he had packed, before he went away

So you went through his packed bag and his wallet.

What was it you were actually looking for?

You say you have no reason not to trust him but your actions imply otherwise...

FoamingAtTheUterus · 09/01/2020 07:46

Fucking hell, if a bloke posted this he'd have had his arse shredded, plated up to individual mumsnetters to be kicked around, put through the mincer and sent to the feminist board to begin it's real beating. 😳

YABU. And odd as hell, I've got loads of crap like that in my bag. He's probably just been handed it at a meeting. And you're even weirder for not just asking..........I'm not even starting on the weird voicemails you're leaving. Crown Hmm

randomchap · 09/01/2020 07:48

It's a massive breach of trust to go through someone's personal things. If it is innocent, then be prepared for this to damage your relationship. Most marriages are built on mutual trust, you have shown that you do not trust your husband. I wouldn't want to stay with someone who didn't trust me.

Morgan12 · 09/01/2020 07:51

If the OP had suspicions then I seen nothing wrong with going through her DHs things.

If it were me I'd be checking my husbands phone and bags etc. Because I would think he is shagging someone else!

Inappropriatefemale · 09/01/2020 10:21

Of course it’s okay to go through someone’s things if you suspect something and anyway the OP wasn’t looking for anything.

So many cheaters lie when there is evidence to say that they have cheated so it’s no wonder people have to snoop!

Crackerofdoom · 09/01/2020 10:30

From your OP, he has done nothing to make you suspicious of him and yet you are breaching his trust by going through his wallet and then investigating the number. If a woman posted here saying her husband was going through her purse and investigating cards and numbers behind her back people would talk about controlling DH and emotional abuse.

My DH works in places in the world regularly where prostitution is the norm and is often taken to bars by clients where women are soliciting.

I have never gone through his wallet, phone or bedside drawers and if I found a card somewhere else I would just ask if he needed to keep it or not. I trust that he would not cheat on me and he trusts that I wouldn't cheat on him either.

I wonder why so many of us even bother to get married if the bar for trust is set so low.

Inappropriatefemale · 09/01/2020 10:42

The business card was hidden between 2 other cards and he is usually OCD about keeping his wallet just so and IMO this is what’s suspicious about it!

memaymamo · 09/01/2020 22:57

I think it's a false dichotomy to say you either trust someone or you don't. Most people have conditions under which they would be tempted. It varies as to how extreme those conditions would have to be (eg sexless marriage, abuse, loneliness, boredom, depression).

There's never a good excuse for cheating but it's so common and so frequent that we hear "he was such a wonderful family man who would never do such a thing" that when you're presented with something that looks like evidence, it's only fair to wonder. It doesn't mean you have a terrible marriage because you don't trust him blindly.

Inappropriatefemale · 10/01/2020 01:25

Do you think you can still be a good mother/father even if you cheat without your partner knowing? I feel like it’s cheating on the kids too.

Swipe left for the next trending thread