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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send flowers to a stranger?

81 replies

Pelicanpinkpants · 07/01/2020 14:35

Ok, so not a stranger per se, but my neighbour whom I have never really spoken to apart from the odd greeting hello.

She is going through a very difficult time at the moment (we are fb friends), and ever since, she just looks awfully sad whenever I see her.

I want to send her flowers to 'brighten up her day' and a card to say if she ever needs anything, just ask.

Is this a weird thing to do? AIBU to do this?

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 07/01/2020 14:36

I think that's a lovely thing to do. X

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 07/01/2020 14:38

I think that's a really nice thing to do,I think I'd probably leave a nice potted plant on the doorstep with a note though .

Clangus00 · 07/01/2020 14:38

I think that would be lovely.

EmeraldShamrock · 07/01/2020 14:38

It is very thoughtful. Smile

Betterversionofme · 07/01/2020 14:38

It's definitely lovely thing to do.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/01/2020 14:39

I think that's lovely

isabellerossignol · 07/01/2020 14:40

I think it's very thoughtful. But I suspect that any minute now there will be posters saying that it's appalling, intrusive, overstepping boundaries, how dare you etc...

Lulualla · 07/01/2020 14:42

Why dont you go round with some flowers (and maybe a bottle of wine) and actually speak to her.

SmileyClare · 07/01/2020 15:00

It's a thoughtful gesture but I agree with pps, why not be a bit more friendly in real life and strike up a conversation rather than "the odd Hello"?

You can always ask how she is/ how was her Christmas when you're putting out the bins or whatever.

It's really unlikely that she'll ask you for help (as per your planned note) if you never speak.
That said, I love getting flowers.

messolini9 · 07/01/2020 15:03

Yes, flowers & a note suggesting a low-key meet up would be ideal.
As well as kind.
I can't see how it could be seen as intrusive as you are already FB friends & neighbours.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 07/01/2020 15:06

I think it’s odd.

You don’t know this women, your just going to look like a noisy cow

Xmasbaby11 · 07/01/2020 15:08

She won't ask for help if you never speak. Maybe try to engage with her irl more. If she doesn't want to talk to you, it might be awkward getting flowers. Fb friends doesn't mean much if you don't actually talk. Sorry I know that sounds negative.

saraclara · 07/01/2020 15:10

I'd invite her round for coffee. Flowers are all very well, but a face to face connection is infinitely better.
If she refuses the coffee, you can still tell her face to face, that you're available if she needs anything. Then follow it up.

Brimful · 07/01/2020 15:10

Why dont you go round with some flowers (and maybe a bottle of wine) and actually speak to her

This. I think it'd be odd to have them delivered, much more thoughtful to take them yourself and have a chat.

TheReluctantCountess · 07/01/2020 15:12

That’s a lovely thing to do, and I’m sure she’ll appreciate being thought of.

GetUpAgain · 07/01/2020 15:13

I would send her a message saying
Hi, I've seen your Facebook updates and wanted to say sorry times are so hard... I know we always seem to pass like ships in the night but if you need a shoulder/cuppa/favour I am always here, just let me know if I can help.

justmyview · 07/01/2020 15:15

Why don't you go round with some flowers (and maybe a bottle of wine) and actually speak to her

This. I know you mean well, but if I were your neighbour and received a card saying "if you need anything, just ask" I would think it was insincere, when you've only ever said a quick hello in passing, and not spoken to me face to face

I think it's better to make concrete offers of help, even something like putting out her dustbins out on collection day, so she has one less thing to think about

Purpleartichoke · 07/01/2020 15:15

One day I got a gift in the mail from the wife of one of Dh’s old college friends. It was just a little token, but it meant the world to me at a time when I was really struggling. Many years later I passed it on to soMeone I didn’t know that well, but who was struggling.

Actually as I type this I’m crying because I’m remembering the relief I felt when I got that small gift. I felt so much less alone in the world.

Babyg1995 · 07/01/2020 15:16

Lovely thing to do but I would take them your self don't get them delivered.

Waterandlemonjuice · 07/01/2020 15:16

Do it

DarlingNikita · 07/01/2020 15:17

Lovely sentiment but I agree with pps that going round or inviting her over for a coffee and a chat might be, practically, better.

NoSauce · 07/01/2020 15:21

How are you FB friends if you’ve never really spoken? How do you know about the awful time she’s having?

I think it depends on what’s going on and whether it’s common knowledge tbh.

Pineapplebaby · 07/01/2020 15:24

I'm quite socially awkward and not good at accepting gifts from people, even from people I know well, so I would personally prefer the "delivered" or "left on the doorstep" methods with the open invitation for contacting the sender. I would then get in touch, start a conversation by messaging and then build up to meeting up.
Absolutely lovely idea though, I'm sure she'd be incredibly grateful, whichever method you choose x

loserssaywhat · 07/01/2020 15:28

If it was my fb friend I'd probably drop her a message on there and just mention you've noticed she's having a tough time and you're about if she needs a chat or even just some company.
Personally I'd actually appreciate the offer more, of course that's just me.
I think you're very thoughtful though.

SmileyClare · 07/01/2020 15:30

I agree lovely idea but think about the note.

If you need anything, just ask is a bit glib and meaningless. What do you actually mean? A lift? Childcare? Shopping? A loan? Would you do those things? Maybe think of something a bit less clich'ed. "Saw these and thought they'd brighten up your day" or something?