2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney ·
07/01/2020 12:31
Sorry this may be long. I have written about my son a good while ago and don’t want to go over all the details here. To summarise the latest situation. He is in his mid twenties. He lives with his girlfriend supporting them both, no children, she is bulimic but won’t seek medical help. Poor accommodation. He works but spends a fair bit of his wage on some drink and certainly cannabis, this affects his mood.
In the last year he has attacked his GF 3 times the last ending up in custody although was released the next day with possibly no further action taken although there was talk of a non molestation order, not sure what happened or if I can find out if one was made. The attacks were serious and violent certainly GBH. To be honest I feel cross with the police inaction but fearful of what would happen to him if he was jailed.
After the first incident ( police involvement but no action) we persuaded him to seek help with his addiction/ anger management/ stress to try and get him back on the right track. He never went to the appointments.
We didn’t know about the second incident until the third six months ago. The third time the police did arrest him, but only held him over night. He refused medical assistance but also claimed some sort of psychotic behaviour had led him to attacking his GF. ( thought he was attacking someone else which I don’t really believe TBH) . Police ended up taking no action although as I said before did consider non molestation order.
After that he agreed to give up drinking. Still took cannabis which I believe is affecting him but he did seem to be making an effort. Things slipped again though during the autumn.
Contact had been sparse , no means to contact him except through his place of work which is not ideal. He had no phone . He does have an email but no means to check it and apparently uses a new one more now I didn’t know this. GF went NC with her family . She had refused to press charges and was against non molestation order, police had contacted her mother because she was a witness to the incident as was a neighbour who called the police. she is wholly financially dependent on him and doesn’t want to work or move out . Impossible to even knock on door of shared accommodation as there is no bell. So very little contact unless he wants something eg money or gifts.
He is back drinking again ( although he maintains small amounts) and still taking cannabis. How he manages to hold down a job is beyond me but he does. It is clear from a brief meet up after Xmas he still has anger issues. Quick to rise to temper.
So how do I feel about him. I was appalled after the first incident and probably in shock . Couldn’t express any affection to him but tried to keep the door open. After the third time. I found it difficult to communicate but did write an email to old address which he received basically saying sort himself out or leave his GF for her sake if he couldn’t guarantee her safety. Tried to help with practical support and assistance but no reciprocal contact.
Now he is drinking again , it seems this will not end well. He won’t accept that he needs to get help and wants to brush the last year under the carpet and not be judged by anyone. ( we were trying to help him so the courts would not end up judging him - in all likelihood harshly) I still feel for his GF but she is choosing her path too.
His birthday is coming up , my DH who generally feels the same as me would be inclined to send a card . I can’t even bring myself to do that .
I just want to walk away .
Thanks for reading