Until recently, my mum, sister and her family lived a considerable distance from me. In the last 3 years I have holidayed near them. So I can see my mum for two weeks and I pick my niece up to holiday with us and our daughter , both 15yrs.
My step dad died in Feb last year. Mum made the decision to move back home to where the rest of our family are. She’s been here since July.
Sister is divorced for couple years, and has to sell family home. She’s coming home too.
In Dec 2018 my niece had to move schools, she was due to start her GCSE in Sept 2019. She wanted to come here, start school and stay with me until her mum moved up. Sister was adamant no. Even though it would mean starting one school then moving to another in say a year.
Then her new boyfriend starting being more of a regular thing. Niece does not like him. Did not help him slapping her on the bottom the first couple of times he visited. He swears a lot. Niece face timed her cousin lot. So I would hear what was upsetting her and would try to smooth things over.
Suddenly in Feb 2019, sister decides that niece can come up. Will I sort out school etc. Niece is to move in with mum, until sister moves up.
So, roll on 6mths, niece extremely happy, mum loves her new home etc.
Sister announces that boyfriend will be moving in and coming with them when they move. Niece very upset, her mum knows she does not like him. Feels like she has been shipped out of the way, so boyfriend can move in. Sister won’t talk to niece about it. Says she’s 50yrs old and can make her own decisions and won’t be told what to do by her daughter.
Mum and I very much in the middle. Quite happy to still look after niece between us.
Sister lives with her 2 adult sons and now boyfriend. None of the males work. This concerns mum and I . Just doesn’t sit right. She rarely contacts her daughter, once a week and couple of texts. Niece is getting less and less bothered about her mum. Niece has realised since being here that her home life was not what it should have been. Being left from 7am until 10pm, not knowing where he mum was. Ignored by her brothers. Her mum always putting the brothers first. But very controlling with niece.
I have tried to talk to my sister about my nieces feelings and about our concerns with the boyfriend but she won’t listen. Defends the men in her life every time.
I have never met the boyfriend, even though in the last 2yrs I’ve spent about 8 weeks there. We arrange a meet and he always has an excuse not to come. Every time. I do doubt what he says he’s done in the past, he says he has had an amazing career In the paras and police force, but there is no evidence of this.
I don’t know what my AIBU is, but I would like some advice as to how to move forward.