Sleep. Or lack of it. I am being bloody unreasonable but I’m so tired I don’t care

[didyoueverdancewiththedevil]

My DH does the following

1. Snores loudly
2. Twitches a lot and sometimes these are so bad he jumps himself awake.
3. Can only sleep on his side facing me as he has an arthritic hip. I hate people breathing in my face and this means that I can only sleep in one position facing away from him. And this sounds horrible but he’s had a rotten tooth for about five years and at nighttime the smell is not nice. He’s terrified of dentists and refuses to sort it out.
4. Refuses to see doctor about any of the above.
5. Gets defensive when any of this is mentioned.
6. Says I must wake him if I can’t sleep and he will go to the spare room. So I feel bad about waking him up to ask him to go to the spare room.

Well I’m sick of it. Why can’t he just sleep in the spare room from the off? All of his clothes etc are in the spare room so if I go in there he wakes me at 5am to get ready for work. I don’t have to get up until 7am

For the last four weeks he’s had a cold and a cough which is adding to the racket.

I’m sitting on the sofa now to get some peace and now his work mobile is buzzing over and over and over again and because the damned thing is locked I can’t turn it off. If I go back to bed I’ll have to put up with the endless snoring. If I go to the spare room he’ll wake me up at 5am to move me back to our bed so he can get ready for work.

I’m just so bloody tired. I know he can’t help it but the lack of quality sleep is driving me insane. The only time I can fall asleep next to him is if I’ve had enough alcohol to knock me out.

Yanbu at all.

Tomorrow, bring all of his clothes into your room. Take all of your clothes to the spare room. Put fresh linens on the spare bed and sleep in there. Make it your room.

Actions speak l9uder than words.

You're not unreasonable at all. My ex was like this and he's an ex for good reason. Wake him, tell him to go to the spare room and stay there every night unless he goes to the doctors. Also tell him either you know the code to shit up the phone or he keeps it with him, or switch it off!

Shut up not shit!

It’s a Samsung phone and when it gets an email/notification etc it buzzes over and over again. I’ve tried to switch off the bloody thing but sadly a password is needed to turn it off.

Oh and I forgot to mention the farting in bed. The room absolutely stinks.

I’m making him sound awful and like I don’t like him very much but that’s not the case at all. I just want to be able to sleep for longer than four hours a night.

Life is too short for this shit. Move his clothes or him and sleep in separate bedrooms. Sorted.

Take his phone to bedroom and put by his head - he can suffer that.

How have you not killed him?
You are a saint.

I echo the PP
Pick your room and go forth

Turn the spare room into a lovely room just for you.

You’d think it would be that simple wouldn’t you. But alas no. Because then I get guilt tripped that I don’t want to sleep in the same bed. Well I do actually but not with all of this noise and other shite.

Just tell him you need separate bedrooms from now on for the sake of your sanity!

And this is the real,kicker. I’m downstairs now and there’s no snoring. But I can tell you from bitter experience that if I go back up there the snoring will restart. Arrgggghhhhh!!!!

Just explain "my darling, I love you very much in the day. But at night, I want to smother you as you snore and fidget and breathe. Lets agree to stay alive and married and to have separate bedrooms."

I’m going to have to do something drastic because I’m not drinking alcohol every night just so I can sleep. I don’t drink at all in the week and I’m not starting now.

Ironic - that is genius and almost exactly like I would phrase something. I’m saying that tomorrow. Otherwise it’s going to be goodnight sweet prince on a permanent basis if I don’t get some kip.

People are giving you plenty of options. Just woman up and do some of them. So fucking what if he guilts you? Stand firm. Move into the spare. Move his phone to his bedside.

I feel your pain right down to the giant fart DP just did as I was reading your post.

I'm now lay here laughing trying not to wake him up

Separate bedrooms. If he's guilting you he's being an utter prick. Otherwise I'd just wake him up every night as soon as he falls asleep to tell him to go into the spare room.

I’m going to the spare room now. Tomorrow we are having a chat. I cannot function in my job without sleep. He’s just going to have to suck it up.

Redecorate the spare room and make it totally to your taste with gorgeous fabrics for duvet and curtains etc.
Make it 'your' room and you won't mind so much.
We've done that with our box room and now whenever the bollock-scratching, breathing etc. pisses me off I just decamp to there.

Apileofballyhoo - then we are singing from the same hymn sheet. It is truly amazing I haven’t placed a pillow over his face.

1. Snores loudly could possibly be sleep apnea, this should be checked at Dr.
2. Twitches a lot and sometimes these are so bad he jumps himself awake. could be a number of things, including restless leg syndrome, this should be checked by a Dr.
3. Can only sleep on his side facing me as he has an arthritic hip. this should be checked by a Dr. (he’s had a rotten tooth for about five years... He’s terrified of dentists and refuses to sort it out.) This needs to be checked by a dentist, either they or a Dr can prescribe diazepam to calm his nerves.
4. Refuses to see doctor about any of the above. This needs to be checked by a Dr.
5. Gets defensive when any of this is mentioned. That's his problem, not yours, you both know he needs to be checked by a Dr
6. Says I must wake him if I can’t sleep and he will go to the spare room. This one I can understand, and I highly recommend it! (I'm disabled and sometimes it's much easier for us each to be in separate beds/rooms so as not to interrupt the others sleep)

So from that we can conclude that unless your man child goes to the Dr, you are not being unreasonable, but he is

Similar problem here, OP. I went and slept in spare room two nights ago. DH felt really bad and now sleeps in spare room if I can’t sleep with his snoring on.
However he refuses to get it corrected. He has some sort of issue with his nose and can be rectified. I think some people are just lazy!!

I definitely think he has sleep apnoea. He also stops breathing and then snorts himself back into breathing. The hip is agony apparently but making a doctors appointment is not as simple as I think it is.

Well I’m off to try and get some sleep now. Thanks for all of your advice which is really appreciated.

If my husband wasn't currently snoring / twitching / coughing right there I'd swear he was leading a double life with you.

I'm in the spare room for tonight and last few nights but I want my bed back. He's up 2 hours before me, so is to bed at least 2 hours before me and a total starfish, then it I dare to move and make room I snore and he can't sleep.

2020 plan. Sleep in same bed.