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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I’ve said the wrong thing to my niece about being fat

81 replies

RiddleyW · 06/01/2020 10:13

I’m quite overweight and my 5 year old niece asked me yesterday why my tummy is so big.

I was a bit shocked (which is stupid I know) and just said “oh I eat too much cake”.

However I’m now absolutely kicking myself because my niece is a dreadful eater and her parents have real trouble with it. I’m worried I’ve made things worse. I should have said something bland about bodies coming in different shapes and sizes shouldn’t I?

Do I need to tell my brother and SIL about the conversation do you think? Or just hope niece has forgotten about it already?

OP posts:

Modestandatinybitsexy · 06/01/2020 10:14

I think at 5 it's not a terrible message that too much cake will make you fat. Cake is not a main food group so it's unlikely to affect her eating habits.

Chochito · 06/01/2020 10:16

I think it's ok, OP. If you'd said I eat too much or even I eat cake that might be a bit less acceptable but I don't think it's wrong for a 5 year old to hear that a big tummy has come from eating too much cake, and therefore to reinforce the message that cake should not be eaten excessively.

recrudescence · 06/01/2020 10:18

It’s likely you told her truth. I don’t think you’ve done any harm.

OlaEliza · 06/01/2020 10:18

Tell the parents. My niece is a terrible eater. Has a very limited diet, my sister had to put her on vitamins etc. The school know this.

Some stupid cunt of a dinner lady started commenting on her lunch telling her cake is bad, will make her fat etc. She had one of those small plain fairy/cup/sponge cakes. She stopped eating those. The woman did the same with something else, she stopped eating that.

They took an apple juice and pack of crackers off her due to sugar and gave her a cheese roll. She stopped eating juice and crackers.

Yet the school served up pizza and chips on the Friday 🙄

IceCreamFace · 06/01/2020 10:22

I think you're over thinking it massively. BiL and Sil would probably be mortified that niece said it in the first place.

Obviously kids don't start eating well because people tell them about the risks of being fat/health they don't have the ability to forward plan like that. DN will eat better by just getting into good habbits at home - harder for some kids than others.

Taddda · 06/01/2020 10:22

I think its totally harmless, I agree if you said 'you eat too much' it perhaps would have been a thing, but only considering that shes having difficulties around food atm.

As the pp said adding 'it's cake' isnt actually a bad thing to to tell a 5 year old-

CalmdownJanet · 06/01/2020 10:25

I think you are totally over thinking this, it's fine to say it

Mulledwineinajug · 06/01/2020 10:25

I wouldn’t like that said to my kids but it happens all the time so I wouldn’t sweat it. I’d say ‘everyone’s body is different’

Taddda · 06/01/2020 10:35

@OlaEliza I'd have a chat with the school about this woman- as someone who has battled an eating disorder I clearly remember facing the same sort of thing at school- it did have an effect, not that alone, but it was one that stuck with me.

Break time, in the middle of the playground (we were allowed to eat snacks at break), I had a curlywurly, Teacher screamed at me across the playground 'Dont eat all of that curlywurly 'Taddda'!!!!! It'll make you fat!' Which in turn lead to me being called 'fatty curlywurly' all day by the kids. I stopped eating dinners at school. Every lunch time a really kind dinner lady who new I'd refuse the dinner put aside two slices of cheese and a couple of crackers to not make a big thing out of it and new I'd probably have some cheese.
Eating socially has always been a thing for me, Im far better now, and perhaps that was just a catalyst, but negative comments at school (in my experience) caused a long lasting effect.

thejollyroger · 06/01/2020 10:41

True, right? Just telling her people are different doesn’t actually explain why some people are fat. The reason is that they eat more calories than they use.

Tricicorn · 06/01/2020 10:51

It’s so hard to say the ideal thing when you’re caught on the hop and have to answer straight away. You could have said a lot worse things. You could mention it to her parents Just in case. It depends on what your DN is like. Some kids really think about what they’re told and can misinterpret it. Some kids stuff like that just washes over them and is instantly forgotten. So if she’s likely to now think she can’t eat any cake for fear of getting a big tummy then I’d give her parents the heads up so they can explain

MinTheMinx · 06/01/2020 10:52

Why are you thinking it wasn't ok to say this? There's nothing wrong with a five-year-old knowing weight gain can be the effect of overeating. You eat too many calories, you put on weight. Just please don't introduce her to the concept of dieting!

Taddda · 06/01/2020 10:52

I'll add (because it may sound like I'm contradicting myself!) That I personally think the OP's comment to her niece was harmless, totally different from berating a child on school infront of their friends over eating a choc bar- it was the embarrassment after that had the effect, not the comment itself-

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/01/2020 10:58

I think its fine tbh!

Butchyrestingface · 06/01/2020 10:58

Sounds like a harmless comment. She asked, you answered.

Some posters would be on here greetin’ their eyes out at the 5 yo ‘fat shaming’ them so I wouldn’t give it another thought.

CakeandCustard28 · 06/01/2020 11:00

Well it’s true eating to much cake does make you fat. You made a totally harmless comment don’t worry about it.

Quartz2208 · 06/01/2020 11:05

You didnt say eating cake you said too much cake which is factually quite true

Original poster

RiddleyW · 06/01/2020 11:06

Thanks, I feel a bit better.

I really don't want to mention it to her parents if I don't have to because I don't want them to think I'm complaining about her comment. I hopefully am way overthinking it.

OP posts:

HoomanMoomin · 06/01/2020 11:12

My DD is 5 and has been saying for months that she wants to be fat, so I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. At that age they don’t want to be skinny yet.

Zaphodsotherhead · 06/01/2020 11:13

I think you were fine. You didn't quantify 'too much' cake, for all your niece knows 'too much' may be three lemon merigue cup cakes and an entire chocolate sponge. She's highly unlikely to refuse a slice of birthday cake as a result!

FurnitureAndBackgammon · 06/01/2020 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ishotmrburns · 06/01/2020 11:25

I think maybe you should mention it to them, just because you are obviously worried, but you've done nothing wrong. Young children ask so many questions. There will be other questions like this one to posed to other people. They will all answer in their own way. I think your answer was totally fine.

raspberryk · 06/01/2020 11:34

I think it's fine, I'm happy to tell kids (mine or otherwise) that I eat and drink far too many things that aren't good for me and I dont do enough playing/sport etc.

DecemberSnow · 06/01/2020 11:37

@thejollyroger
But that isnt always true...

Some people aren't over weight because they eat to much...

There are ALOT of reasons for being over weight

DecemberSnow · 06/01/2020 11:38

@FurnitureAndBackgammon

Not every person is over weight cause they eat to much

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