to think I’ve said the wrong thing to my niece about being fat

[RiddleyW]

I’m quite overweight and my 5 year old niece asked me yesterday why my tummy is so big.

I was a bit shocked (which is stupid I know) and just said “oh I eat too much cake”.

However I’m now absolutely kicking myself because my niece is a dreadful eater and her parents have real trouble with it. I’m worried I’ve made things worse. I should have said something bland about bodies coming in different shapes and sizes shouldn’t I?

Do I need to tell my brother and SIL about the conversation do you think? Or just hope niece has forgotten about it already?

Do you even know whether your DN perceived a big tummy as a bad, good or neutral thing?

I accept that 5 year olds live in a world where every Cm of female flesh is scrutinised, but she might just have been factually curious.

And as her loved auntie you answered in a relaxed way from your own perspective. You didn’t shriek “because I stuff my face with cake and I next to lose weight and be a size 8 before Easter so that I can wear a Lycra mini dress or my husband will run off with a 20 yo model. Never ever eat cake, or you will never be Mary in the Nativity or be invited to parties”.

bodies coming in different shapes and sizes shouldn’t I?

No. Because bodies don't really come in different shapes and sizes. They tend to come in just the basic design, and then people stuff them with too much food, don't exercise, and then they tend to grow into different shapes and sizes.

So what you told this 5 year old was not only true, but probably the best thing she could have been told.

The OP said what she believes to be true for herself. Not any generalisations about ‘fat people’ or food.

DecemberSnow

It is true though. There are many reasons that you might eat more than you burn off, but that is always the underlying reason behind weight gain.

My DD is autistic and is a very very selective eater. I would personally appreciate the heads up about it because she is incredibly rigid in her thinking and would probably never eat cake ever again! I wouldn't be upset with you but it would be helpful to know :)

I don’t think it was the worst thing you could have said. Don’t worry.

I think it's fine, if you'd said roast dinners or something instead of cake it might have been more of a problem. I doubt refusing cake is her biggest problem

I think you're fine too. Your niece asked why you are overweight; she didn't ask about anybody else, and you answered her question from your perspective.

I hope someone is teaching your niece not to question people about aspects of their personal appearance. What she said to you is more of a concern than what you said to her.

DecemberSnow there are a few medical conditions that cause people to be overweight, but the vast majority of people are overweight because they eat too much, for whatever reason.

Not every person is over weight cause they eat to much

Too much for what they are burning off. I appreciate a few medical conditions cause you to gain weight or change your metabolism but in general it is true.
Too much cake + not enough exercise = too much fat 🤷‍♀️

I think if you said its because you eat too much veggies you have a problem - but too much cake? Nah - just leave it and move on.

Probably what I would have said tbh.

You didn’t say you were fat because you ate cake. You said you ate too much cake. That’s absolutely fine. She’ll learn about healthy eating and eating a balanced diet. Not eating too much of anything is important.

@DecemberSnow actually most people are overweight because they eat too much according to NHS guidelines.

There are many reasons that you might eat more than you burn off, but that is always the underlying reason behind weight gain.

No it isn’t.

OP - you sound very lovely! First of all, you kindly responded to her question instead of getting into a huff or being outraged (I know she's a child, but some people find these comments hurtful even so - I know this first-hand from receiving comments on my own appearance!). Second of all, your answer was factual and calm. Third of all, you're thinking about the possible effect of your comment on your niece's eating habits, which is very thoughtful of you. What a nice aunt you must be! I'm sure that you have done no harm, and think of all the good you have done for her by modelling that calm accurate answer rather than acting hysterical or ashamed.

Fine OP, you sound lovely xx

How nice of you to be concerned about your niece instead of feeling offended, Riddley! I wouldn’t worry about it. Just stick with being a loveable auntie.

MintyMabel can you give an example?

you take on more calories than you burn, you put on weight. If you are fat, you eat too much.

I am not sure why people can't even get around simple facts.

Saying you eat too much cake to a 5 year old is fine!

Sounds like a perfect, lighthearted response to a 5-year old.

Don't worry about it.

MintyMabel can you give an example?

Steroids due to cancer.

Thyroid problems.

Estimate the wrong kinds of foods, rather than eating too much. My oldest has sensory issues and won’t eat any fruit or veg. He only eats four foods, which are all processed. He doesn’t over eat, he just eats really crap food. Judging his weight because of his disability, isn’t going to change that.

Eating = estimating