Children at crem for neighbour

[hipslikecinderella]

Ndn's funeral today- she was a lovely lady late 70s who was so nice to our kids. We were not close, but she did look after our cat and chatted over a few cups of tea etc. Her widower told me about the funeral date before xmas and said we could come to the wake. Then dh got chatting to him and somehow we are now going to the crematorium and wake with our kids aged 8 and 10.
Dh saw ndn yesterday and he asked if his daughter had sent us an invitation. She hasn't.
I do feel like we should just pop along for a bit of the wake and not go to the crem. Especially since we have the children.
Bit dh is absolutely adamant the kids "want" to go and wont hear of it.
Aibu to try and insist?

I’d go. It will boost their numbers and it’s nice to know that she had an impact on your life. You don’t get invitations to funerals anyway... that’s weird.
And it’s good for your children to be exposed to a funeral and a crematorium in a gentler way when they’re not too upset by it all than the first time they go being someone important to them or you.

Would they have to miss school?

No missing school, Dh taken a wfh day.
There will be 100s of people apparently, at least for the wake part.....

Just go for a while and leave once the kids start getting antsy. The widower is expecting you now.

Do you mean go to the crem for a while? That seems daft.
We are planning to go to the wake either way.

I’d go to the crem. Your kids aren’t babies and it’s a natural part of life. Have you asked them how they feel about going?

I'd take them to the crem. It's nice for her family to see she was loved by others too and, as a PP said, a good way to introduce your kids to the whole funeral process (god that sounds morbid) as it's means it'll be easier for them when they have to attend for someone they're much closer to.

I remember attending my grandads funeral at 13. First funeral id ever attended and I had no idea what to expect. As a teen with severe anxiety, it was awful (on top of the normal awfulness). My other grandads funeral was 4 months later and I felt that was much easier to deal with because I knew what would happen and when.

I personally think it’s a bit off to go to the wake and not bother to attend the funeral so I’d go to the whole thing .

Complete non-sequitur, but you guys call it the "crem"?

YABU just for that, there's nothing casual or shorthand about funerals.

You don't get invited to funerals. You go to pay your respects.

I don't like kids at funerals, doesn't happen in our family.

Oh yay @GinDaddy has arrived with his irrelevant goady posts, hooray

Oh, you again @GinDaddy?

I’ve heard people say “crem” plenty of times, it’s a really pointless and irrelevant thing to criticise the OP over.

Go to the funeral.
Take the kids
Death is part of life and needs to be discussed with children so that they grow to be adults who can cope with it.

@gindaddy My grandmother used to call it that and the crem was good enough for her to be burned in so how about you shut your yap

@GiveHerHellFromUs

Language is important. Sorry you consider that irrelevant.

"Crem" YABU for that.

I'd bring them , but only if they themselves want to go

I agree, GinDaddy

They are old enough to go.

@GinDaddy, never known it not to be shortened to crem.

Language is important to the people using it and they get to decide how they use it.

But yes OP, I'd take them to both.

I'd go, take the kids, pay your respects.

(All the funeral directors I know call it the crem.)

And all the vicars, now I'm thinking about it.

Go to the crematorium. My children went to a couple of funerals for people they didn’t really know when they were the same age as your dc, and it really helped prepare them for when it was someone they cared about.

It meant funerals weren’t a completely alien concept when the time came.

At my grandfather funeral, his neighbour brought their children (roughly same age as yours) i think my gramps had a soft spot for them. It was lovely knowing how liked and respected he was. (He was a wonderful man). Let your children decide if they would like to go. Xx