Children at crem for neighbour

[hipslikecinderella]

Ndn's funeral today- she was a lovely lady late 70s who was so nice to our kids. We were not close, but she did look after our cat and chatted over a few cups of tea etc. Her widower told me about the funeral date before xmas and said we could come to the wake. Then dh got chatting to him and somehow we are now going to the crematorium and wake with our kids aged 8 and 10.
Dh saw ndn yesterday and he asked if his daughter had sent us an invitation. She hasn't.
I do feel like we should just pop along for a bit of the wake and not go to the crem. Especially since we have the children.
Bit dh is absolutely adamant the kids "want" to go and wont hear of it.
Aibu to try and insist?

I'd take them to the funeral. I don't really understand the invitation thing though. Funerals don't come with invitations where I'm from, you just show up.

I can’t believe so many people would take the children to a neighbours cremation. It’s hardly a family day out

I think they are far too young to go to a funeral, especially perhaps a cremation, as it is quite 'in your face' when the coffin disappears, and upsetting. Could the children not attend just the wake afterwards?

YABU to refer to a crematorium as a 'crem'. Show some respect FFS.

Some people have really bizarre hangups over death

YABU to refer to a crematorium as a 'crem'. Show some respect FFS.

Very common in the north to refer to it as the crem. Do you have a problem with local and regional language?

@GinDaddy Everyone I know calls it "the crem". Death comes to us all. There's no point in being uptight about anything to do with it.

YABU to refer to a crematorium as a 'crem'. Show some respect FFS.

Respect for a building?

I can’t believe so many people would take the children to a neighbours cremation. It’s hardly a family day out

True but then why go at all?

It doesn't seem right to have a 'family day out' at the wake either then.

@SunshineAngel don't bother engaging, he's got form for being goady and unhelpful.

I've never heard it called 'the crem' before, but different places have different ways of speaking.

We say 'cream-atorium' round here.

We also take children to funerals as a matter of routine. I've attended neighbours funerals with much younger children in tow in the past.

I'm also puzzled by the number of posters who seem to ignore the fact that the OP and her family were invited to the wake, not the service. Or does that put a spanner in the works for those who seem determined to paint the OP as a grasping grief vampire?

A close friend of mine is a vicar and he calls it the 'Crem' and so do the undertakers (and so did my mother when she was dying and telling me her wishes for her own funeral).

It isn't disrespectful at all, so get off your high horses.

@BaolFan Ah right, sorry, I don't read enough on here to know that. Thanks for the heads up! :)

I don't like kids at funerals, doesn't happen in our family.
What if the deceased was a parent?

By coincidence I’ve missed a neighbours funeral today as my kids are still off school - kids 8 and 11 .... . 11 would have been fine - 8 year old more sensitive . Think it’s very dependent on the children really , but I didn’t want to risk causing any sort of disruption.

Always called the crem here. In my experience more go to the funeral service at the crem than go to the wake. The funeral service is a public event, the wake is private and invitation only. At my dad’s funeral there were 300 at the crem, only about 100 came to the hall afterwards.

Interestingly ‘wake‘ which isn’t a word used locally. It makes me think of people having a bit of a party and getting drunk after the funeral.