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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to meet this man at the park

93 replies

Cheeseboardcriminal · 06/01/2020 08:01

My DC has 2 friends that are siblings, they have been best friends for about 7 or 8 years.

I know their parents and would chat at the school gates to either mum or dad and when dropping off or picking up from each others houses. We don't see each other socially.

They split up a year ago at the mums request and she has since moved in with someone else.

The dad of the two and I got chatting (he initiated it), I was clear (very clear) that there is no romantic intention from me. I spoke to the mum and just told her we had been chatting and if she was uncomfortable I would remove him from my social media. She said it was fine.

This weekend dad friend asked did we want to meet up at the park. Our kids were excited and I didn't see any harm so I said yes.

5 kids, 2 dogs, in a park, Broad daylight. Clearly not a date. We went in separate cars and went straight home separately.

Last night I got a load of abuse from the mum. I reassured her there was no romantic intention again and said if she was uncomfortable with it I would happily remove him from my social media which I did.

Just for the record the mum moved on with her friends ex 2 months after that relationship ended, they now live together. So I am finding the fact she is kicking off because I am her friend (we talk at the school gate as above) a bit thin. BUT my child is best friends with their child so I don't want to upset anyone. He is a bit annoyed because she shouldn't be able to control his friendships a year after she left him.

So YABU - only a brazen hussy would meet a man in the park with their kids.

YANBU - she is being ridiculous but for the sake of the childrens friendships, best to nip it in the bud.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheeseboardcriminal · 06/01/2020 08:02

Wow that's longer than I though!

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 06/01/2020 08:04

She needs to back off and put her kids friendships before her ego

HopefullyAnonymous · 06/01/2020 08:04

Neither of the above?

PerkyPomPoms · 06/01/2020 08:05

I can’t see any problem with you having a friendship especially if she’s moved on.

MagentaRocks · 06/01/2020 08:06

I voted yanbu, but you don’t need to nip it in the bud. You can go to the park with whoever you want. The kids like to play together, so why should they miss out.

dognamedspot · 06/01/2020 08:06

I think I'd be more inclined to remove her from your social media. He is the father of your child's best friend, of course you're going to see each other from time to time. Even if there were romantic intentions it's none of her business. She's a passing acquaintance.

NeutralJanet · 06/01/2020 08:07

So, according to her the children aren't allowed to have play dates when they're with their dad? She needs to get a grip, she doesn't get to dictate what he does on his time with the kids.

Original poster
Cheeseboardcriminal · 06/01/2020 08:08

I am really surprised with the answers and I was thinking I would get slated.

I initially was wary about having a friendship with this guy because if it went sour (with the mum as it has) then I didn't want it to reflect badly on the kids.

OP posts:
onanothertrain · 06/01/2020 08:08

Neither of the above. She is being ridiculous but why should/ would you nip it in the bud?

Pumpkintopf · 06/01/2020 08:09

Neither of the above- why should the kids miss out because she is being possessive and controlling?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/01/2020 08:10

She's being ridiculous.
Talking via social media can end up being much more intimate than meeting in the park with your kids.

She doesn't get to dictate who's friends with who; especially when he's her ex and she left him.

Polly111 · 06/01/2020 08:10

She’s being ridiculous it’s a trip to the park. I often go to the park with dds best friend and dad after school as he does the pick ups (mum is my friend). I think the mistake you made was asking the mum for permission.

FarTooMuchWashing · 06/01/2020 08:13

I can’t vote. YANBU, but there is no need to stop the friendship with the dad. The mum is being so unfair on the kids.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 06/01/2020 08:14

Why are you pandering to her? She has no right to tell either you or him who you can be friends with. If it were me I would be telling her where to get off.

Sparklingbrook · 06/01/2020 08:15

Yes, none of the above. It's nothing to do with her, and she should be pleased her DC are enjoying the time with their friends.

DDiva · 06/01/2020 08:17

Put him back on social media and arrange another playdate, whether you are romantically involved or not its nothing to do with her.

DimplesMcGee · 06/01/2020 08:17

I also said YANBU but don't need to nip it in the bud. Nip her in the bud, cheeky mare. She left him, it was year ago, you're just friends. Stop kowtowing to her.

ohprettybaby · 06/01/2020 08:17

I have said YANBU but also don't think you should nip this in the bud. If may be purely friendship but what would be wrong if it did develop into something more?

If it is good for the DC to have play dates where their father accompanies them, I would continue with them.

Original poster
Cheeseboardcriminal · 06/01/2020 08:18

If the kids weren't best friends I would happily tell her to jog on, but I don't want to make things difficult for them which is why I am thinking to just keep her happy.

She doesn't seem the type to keep her opinions to herself infront of the kids and I just don't want my actions to impact on DD, or theirs to be honest. They are great kids and having separated parents and moving in with a new step dad after 6 months must be hard enough for them.

OP posts:
MollyButton · 06/01/2020 08:18

I agree the Mum is being ridiculous.

And to be frank if you did have romantic interest in him - that's now worse (actually better as you aren't "friends") than her actions. I think its massive projection on her part.

It is far more common for kids not to be able to see their friends when its 'Dad's weekend' because he blocks it. This sounds much healthier.

CarolinaPink · 06/01/2020 08:19

She's being ridiculous but if you have no romantic intentions towards this bloke I'd be very careful. Almost certainly he won't see it that way if you agree to meet him for walks. But if you want to see how things develop with him then YANU to continue to meet.

ferrier · 06/01/2020 08:21

3rd option. YANBU and she shouldn't be policing her children's playdates while they are with her ex. So no need to dial back.

Scarlettpixie · 06/01/2020 08:22

Neither, this is ridiculous! Mums and dads of kids meet up to facilitate play dates. Nothing to nip in the bud. If they were together she might not like it. That would be between them, but its daft your kids can’t see each other when theirs are with their dad.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 06/01/2020 08:22

I'd stop seeking her approval and saying you'll remove him from social media etc. It's none of her business but asking if she minds makes it her business.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 06/01/2020 08:23

I feel sorry for the poor bloke. Imagine your ex controlling your friendships like that and imagine other people pandering to the ex like that. Poor man must have been upset to see you had defriended him like that.

I don’t know why you’re pandering to the silly fucker, OP, as she’s just going to use this as a stick to beat you with anyway.