WIBU to meet this man at the park

[Cheeseboardcriminal]

My DC has 2 friends that are siblings, they have been best friends for about 7 or 8 years.

I know their parents and would chat at the school gates to either mum or dad and when dropping off or picking up from each others houses. We don't see each other socially.

They split up a year ago at the mums request and she has since moved in with someone else.

The dad of the two and I got chatting (he initiated it), I was clear (very clear) that there is no romantic intention from me. I spoke to the mum and just told her we had been chatting and if she was uncomfortable I would remove him from my social media. She said it was fine.

This weekend dad friend asked did we want to meet up at the park. Our kids were excited and I didn't see any harm so I said yes.

5 kids, 2 dogs, in a park, Broad daylight. Clearly not a date. We went in separate cars and went straight home separately.

Last night I got a load of abuse from the mum. I reassured her there was no romantic intention again and said if she was uncomfortable with it I would happily remove him from my social media which I did.

Just for the record the mum moved on with her friends ex 2 months after that relationship ended, they now live together. So I am finding the fact she is kicking off because I am her friend (we talk at the school gate as above) a bit thin. BUT my child is best friends with their child so I don't want to upset anyone. He is a bit annoyed because she shouldn't be able to control his friendships a year after she left him.

So YABU - only a brazen hussy would meet a man in the park with their kids.

YANBU - she is being ridiculous but for the sake of the childrens friendships, best to nip it in the bud.

If the kids weren't best friends I would happily tell her to jog on, but I don't want to make things difficult for them which is why I am thinking to just keep her happy.

But you're telling him to jog on so whereas your kids could see their friends when they wanted before they're not going to be able to see them whenever they're with their dad.

I'd have a frank conversation with her and explain your position. She's not thinking about the kids, just her own ego.

Maybe you made big of it OP

I don't want to make things difficult for them which is why I am thinking to just keep her happy.

I'm not convinced you'd have an easier life by giving in to her lunacy. I also think it sets a bad example for your kids.

Act normal with the dad and just ignore any drama from the mum is probably what I'd do.

So you’ve unfriended him, instead of the loon who is kicking off at what you and he decide to do with your free time? How hurtful for him to see that.

Why are you pandering to her?! Has she got form for making people’s lives a misery or something?
Your kids would see each other at school and when they’re with their dad.

By doing this you look a bit weak, sorry to be blunt but I bet that’s how she’s seeing it to.

I’d be messaging him asap to apologise and get back to being friends. If it develops into something more then do what? Don’t live your life by her rules

YABU to nip it in the bud based on her unreasonable reaction! I feel sorry for the ex husband, why can’t he be friends with the mother of his child’s best friend?

So she doesn’t want her Ex but doesn’t want anyone else to have home either 🤔 what a nasty person. He can go to the park with whoever as can you. If you pamper to her then she has won. Carry on your friendship. You do not have to have her approval to have a friend. If he chooses to listen to her that’s his problem not urs. Don’t let a bully bully you. Delete her not him

YABU for limiting what we can vote for OP, because I can't vote for either option.

Even if you started dating her ex, it's not her business.

I did explain to him my position before I unfriended him BTW, I didn't just cut him off without a word.

He is saying much the same as what you are all saying and I do agree in principle. Just don't want to muddy the waters with DD. Imagine if the mum tried to stop their friendship over this.

I am also worried as like @CarolinaPink says, I don't want to lead the guy on in anyway.

Looks like I need to rethink this. To be honest I was woken up at 1am with a load of accusations and abuse of how I am supposed to be her friend and I didn't really know how to handle it.

Neither of the above?

This.

She has no right to dictate your, or her ex's behaviour.

The kids are friends - they've experienced their parents splitting up - they want and need the rest of their environment to be as stable as possible. That means keeping their friends.

Do you have a partner? How do they feel about this? If they were okay with it, I'd tell her to stop acting like a twat. If they were uncomfortable with it, I'd invite another friend or two along to the meet-ups too. It seems really sad that she can't let her children enjoy their friendship.

I’d be messaging him asap to apologise and get back to being friends. If it develops into something more then do what? Don’t live your life by her rules

And also this ^

Poor bloke may be reeling and trying desperately to keep things together for his kids, and now she's sticking her oar in on that - especially as it will be the dad that gets blamed for them not being able to meet up with their friends, not her.

PLUS - I wouldn't let anyone tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing in a situation like this. She's living in a glass house herself.

She’s a selfish idiot and has no right to dictate his relationships or yours.

Cross-post OP

I can see why you would not want to risk leading him on - could you invite other mums (and dads where available) to the children's "park meets"?

He would then see that you are not interested in him as anything other than your DD's friend's' dad.

Is she still friends with the woman who's ex she now lives with?

Much ado about nothing.

Definitely what @Highfivemum says.
The woman is being ridiculous. It is none of her business. I would absolutely prefer to be friends with him rather than her. She is batshit and worse than that she is a bully. Bullies must not be allowed to get their own way.

Anothwr vote for none of the above.

Neither it’s not up to her to judge - she cannot dictate his or your friendships.

You cut off the wrong friend.

It sounds like she’s overreacting. However, are you certain that the Dad has no romantic intentions? If the kids have been friends for 7-8 years, why only start meeting for play-dates now?

No the other woman didn't take to kindly with it. Friends mum is very vocal about how they were split up so she nothing wrong.

The kids had a great time at the weekend. We both have a younger child with a year's difference in age so they had fun too although they aren't in the same year group so not friends at school.

I think you are right and I owe this guy an apology.

I split up with my partner last week, totally unrelated to this issue. He would chat to the dad when he was picking up the kids too. We all had a coffee when swapping kids etc.

I am having a hard time with my own relationship ending to even think about starting up with anyone else and when I eventually do it wouldn't be dating with my kids in tow.

That makes even more sense OP. She was fine with it until you were single.

@notanotherjigsawpiece well I did worry that myself which is why I was really really clear that I wasn't looking for anything other than friendship.

I think we were just both at a loose end, the kids like each other so it was just why not? Usually we would have been doing things with our respective partners I guess.

Agree with everyone else - YANBU but without the ‘nip it in the bud’ bit. Utterly bizarre. He’s asking to meet up for a play date with the kids, right? I think you are massively over thinking this. And the mum is a loon, ignore.

Mum is being ridiculous. A year on, she doesn’t get to police his social life. Also, don’t run your social life by her.

You’ve made this a far bigger issue than it needs to me.
If I were to meet up with the ex of a friend for a play date I wouldn’t even think to speak to her about it. It’s a separate friendship and bu asking for her approval you’ve given her a reason to think there’s more to it

Your 'friend' is being ridiculous.

She has move on and in with another man and she has the nerve to object her ex wants to join you on your kids' play dates in the park?

What planet is she on.

Drop her.

And don't engage with her any more unless she is willing to behave like a grown up.

How dare she try to control you or him????

To be honest I think you brought this on yourself with this: I spoke to the mum and just told her we had been chatting and if she was uncomfortable I would remove him from my social media. She said it was fine.

Why would you even do this? Or call it “chatting”. That sounds like what people say about their interactions with people on online dating. If you are just hanging out for the kids as a playdate then why would you say “x and I are chatting on social media”.