Do men really still fancy us if we get fatter and older?

[User9876789]

I’m asking because I once read some statistics that said men fancy their wives for much longer than we fancy our husbands. I’m not physically attracted to my husband any more but he still seems very keen on older, fatter, saggier me. Do you think men really maintain that desire or are they just not very fussy and are grateful for the sex??

@Emeraldshamrock

Very true about the 2 stone/6 stone thing.

I think the key as well is a person's self perception and how they perceive themselves as a sexual being, if at all even.

I think there are plenty of people who are happy to be sexual in some way in the first years of a relationship, they see it as almost commensurate with the idea of being with someone, and they are at a life stage where it makes sense, as it's a slip road to procreation.

It's later on in life where you find out who is sexual due to their identity and their need for enjoyment/closeness, and who was sexual just due to being in a relationship, and then their mindset moves on as they get into the later stages (child-rearing, nesting, whatever).

Yes I am no longer attracted to men in their 20s- I used to be when I was that age, but I find men my own age more appealing and sexy
Definitely my 18 yo niece was saying she could never fancy a man in his 30's.
She was shocked you are attracted to partner of similar age.
I couldn't fancy a 25 guy or under now I'm nearly 40.

I think there could be a little truth in that. If you look to nature, the female of the species is generally far more picky about who she mates with. However I think porn and social conditioning acts as a counterweight.

My OH still fancies me, and i'm 43, 4 sizes bigger than i used to be, and few more grey hairs! I have no idea if other men find me attractive, i imagine not though. 😂

I've been married for 30 years and together for 28 years, still very in love with my DH. I definitely agree that you don't necessarily fancy people just because of their age, it's fitness that does it more for me rather than age, that's almost immaterial. Taking care of yourself and being confident is so attractive.

Did anyone hear the R4 woman's hour piece this morning about the overweight lady? It was heartbreaking to hear her talk initially.

Sorry married for 20 years that didn't make sense!

Did I miss the slut hair pic?

Poster said it wasn't really and sorry for misleading people managed

'if we get older and fatter' ?

I mean fatter is sometimes avoided but there's no 'if' about getting older.....

Can't speak for anyone else obviously but i fancy her more every day. We met at 19 and now we're in our 40s

I was slim when my husband and I got together. Over the years I piled it on and was really big. I hated it,he loved it (especially the boobs). A few years ago I had enough and lost nearly 9 stone. I’m now very skinny and he hates it. He said it’s like shagging a xylophone!!

I've had 3 kids, gained a tonne of weight (many, many stones) due to depression and arthritis.My self confidence and self worth is on the floor but my DP of almost 13 years who hasn't changed much at all, just got a wee bit older still fancies me!

God knows why.

My husband and I have been together for nearly 20 years since we were teenagers. I absolutely adore him and love him deeply but I don't "fancy" him anymore. He looks very different now than years ago. Bald, overweight, large beer belly, a greying beard, wrinkles. If I met him now as strangers I 100% would not want to ask him out etc.
I have aged in the same way. I have gone from a size 8 to a size 24. I have completely let myself go in every way and have a huge tummy over hang from c sections and being overweight. I am also now disabled. I can say with certainly that he does not "fancy" me at all. What is there to fancy? I'm also completely invisible to other men and always have been since I was about 18. But I know that he loves me for me and our shared history, so that's enough for me

I think my dh is less interested in how I look overall and more interested in the fact that my boobs are bigger when I'm fat...

I think confidence plays a big part in it all. DH and I were both slimmer when we met 16 years ago in our 30s, but life, kids, marriage, etc means we've both put on weight. I may be at my heaviest, but I'm OK with that because I'm funny, smart and generally kind. DH is the same. We were never attracted to each other purely for looks, it was all about personality and confidence, so we both still fancy each other.

I think it depends on the person. I have no concerns about my DH as firstly I am lucky enough to look a lot younger than I am, but mainly because he has a thing for older women and when I have caught him looking at other women it is always the women above 40. Younger women just don't do it for him.

I personally find him sexier now than I did when we first met. He has some grey in his beard which I find weirdly hot. I notice I prefer older men and women on TV and films now too, aside from Margot Robbie who is divine

Depends. Is it a Disney love? Then yes. Most men, and most women, wouldn't though.

I am pretty much the same size as I always have been. My hair is greyer but I dye it like I always did so it doesn’t really notice, my boobs are bigger and my stomach has some faded stretch marks and c/s scar.

DH has put on a substantial amount of weight-his stomach is enormous and his clothes don’t cover him which I find really unattractive. Shoulders up, he is much the same as he always was-nice looking, though more grey, but that doesn’t bother me at all. The obesity (I’m not talking a just couple of stone here) bothers me enormously.

I think people who are in good, mutually loving long-term relationships can weather a few such changes. It's an entirely different matter if you're fat, old and single and on the lookout for a new relationship, though. I don't think there are many men who are actively seeking women who look like me to start something new with. Sorry to be pessimistic, but that's my current reality and I find it quite depressing.

DP has put on about 3 stone, has grey speckles in his hair.
He is always on my side, I don't see him any different since we met.

My DH's tummy looks like he is heavily pregnant with triplets.

Well Dh and I are both a lot fatter than when we first met a long, long time ago. Both put on about 3 stone ish. Both still fancy each other. I do think in long term relationships you stop seeing each other in the same way as when you first met, as in you see more than just what’s visually in front of you. When you first start dating someone that’s pretty much all you have to go on as you don’t know them really...!

I do think the sex thing upthread is interesting as in many people just behave very sexually at the start of relationships as they think that’s what they SHOULD do. So many long term relationships fizzle out because people are mismatched sexually, I think many people don’t really let their natural sex drive (high or low) show until they’ve been in a relationship for ages and then it can be very frustrating for the other person.

I’ve gone off on a total tangent. Can’t even remember what point I was trying to make now.

My DH seems to be attracted to me regardless of weight gain however I ave recently lost a lot of weight and am feeling loads more confident and less moody so obviously our relationship has really improved.

You can be attractive at any age or weight Confidence and self care is key to being attractive.
Size doesn't matter there are many overweight attractive women.