AIBU To not expect to be body shamed over scars?! Is this a thing?

[IsAnybodyListening]

I wish this wasn't bothering me, but it keeps popping into my head.

Not so much of a backstory, but over 10yrs ago I was in an accident. I spent almost a month in hospital and have 2 scars running from my ankle on the same leg. One about 7 inches, one about 10 inches. Admittedly, they do look very new and an angry red colour still.

A couple of months back, myself, dp and our teens were returning from a holiday and were waiting in the airport lounge. I noticed a women who was sitting down near to where I was standing repeatedly looking from her phone to my leg. It took a good minute to realise she was fixated on my leg/and or her phone-and didn't notice I had clocked her watching iyswim.

Anyway, I see her smirk/laugh-and she pocked the man she was travelling with and she said something to him. He immediately looks up at my leg briefly, and from my perception didn't look impressed with her. I saw her look pissed (just my interpretation of their facial expressions)...and then I am pretty sure she took a picture of my legs. Neither of them looked beyond my leg to my face, else they would have seen I had noticed.

This encounter keeps popping into my head for many reasons. For one, I am not particularly body conscious. I'm 37 and think I dress fairly well. I am clean and make an effort with my appearance. However, shy of cosmetic surgery-my scars are my scars.

I think it is bothering me as I am a pretty straight shooter in terms of confrontation. and I should have said something, but didn't. I told Dp on the plane and he was very nonchalant.

It never occurred to me to be embarrassed about having scars -and I'm not. But the realisation this was noteworthy to a bloody stranger has really irked me. I'll be honest, my leg doesn't look pretty. But WHY would someone ridicule a stranger like that? What is in it for her? And also...I am damn sure she took a picture and am so cross with myself for not challenging her :(

I smashed up my ankle up badly and it's been pinned back together with pins , rods and plates. I'm left with various scars on both sidesofmyankle, as a few pp have described, and they are still a bit red looking. To date ( I did this just over a year ago) a few people have asked about it , (I went on holiday to Crete 3 weeks after I did it, together with moon boot) and there was no way I was going to keep it covered all the time. Most people that asked were just curious and I was happy to tell them what a fantastic job my surgeon had made. If any one had been being shitty about it I'd have just thought how ignorant they were.

Chin up, don't let these stupid people bother you!!!

I look at scars. I hope not in a staring body shaming way. But I look because I find them fascinating. The way our bodies can heal minor and major wounds is so interesting to me. Having said that I would never take a photo of someone’s scars. But yeah, I look but I’m not judging, shaming or staring, simply interested in the biology

I have a very badly scarred lower leg, firstly from a bad break which required hours of surgery (was a complex open fracture) and then totally unrelated, the next year I got cellulitis in the same leg that led to sepsis and I nearly died, I came round to a lower leg with no skin at all! It's all come back now but it's dark red and looks angry. I'm quite glad I need to wear an elastic sticking to prevent swelling as it keeps it nicely hidden.

I also use a wheelchair (another totally unrelated issue! Rare neurological disease) so I'm just glad people aren't staring at my leg all the time!

Don’t be ashamed! I have a 4inch scar on my neck from where I had a tracheotomy as a young child and the hole was made into a scar. I used to be very self conscious about it and used to get bullied about it at school. But now its just a part of me and a reminder of my fight to get where I am today. X

I feel you op. I have a large scar on my upper arm, one inch thick from shoulder to elbow. It's quite twisted at the elbow too. It's lost its redness over time so slightly less noticeable, but still draws attention.

It's from an accident that nearly lost me my arm, and I have a metal bar holding the bone together. So in my mind a small price to pay.

When I first had the staples removed and I was wearing a hand brace to help control nerve movement in my lower arm, I left the hospital after a fitting and was waiting for the bus. A girl stood next to me in the queue and stared blatantly at my arm and then started to make loud dry heaving noises. 🙄🙄🙄

At the time I felt a lot of pain from the injury, really down about the possibility it wouldn't heal, self conscious about the scar size, so I just died inside and got on the bus in tears.

I think today I'd knock her block off.

When I catch people staring in close range these days, in a meeting, poolside etc I make eye contact and loudly tell them about the accident that caused it. 🤣🤣🤣

Oh and

To a the beautiful battle scarred lionesses out there! X

The only time I really notice scars are slash marks on the cheeks. Anything else I think are medical.

What I don't understand about people who stare at scars, disabilities is dont they not realise that they or one of their family members could wake up tmw & have an accident or become ill & end up with a scar or a disability? Far too many dick heads in the world & op next time someone take a photo of you, take one back. I can guarantee they won't like it.

Awful behaviour from her. When you think about it, imagine what kind of vain person goes to the lenghts she did to validate herself that day with your scar. You may have a scar that she decided was ugly, but she's got all that ugliness inside bubbling to the surface with everything she does.

I used to do life drawing and sketching the flawless and perfect is uninspiring. When sketching you want to capture their personality when you draw so unusual features or scars tell a story about that persoon. That's why a drawing of an elderly man with all his deep contours and wrinkles is so much more interesting and evocative than the drawing of a beautiful model. It's about finding the beauty in the human form. In all it's beautiful presentations.

Yesterday I was out in our local city when I spotted a young woman who’s an amazing speaker on disability and, despite being born without arms or legs, has achieved a huge amount already in her personal and professional life though she is still a young woman. I spotted her with a companion coming down the main street of our city and I was so excited to see her in the flesh that I poked my husband and said “Oh my goodness! That was ....!” Now I’m hoping she didn’t think I was commenting negatively about her!
OP, that woman was absolutely horrible and you should try not to think about her and her ugly behaviour any more. If she did take a photo of you, that’s absolutely appalling.

It’s never occurred to me to think negatively about someone else’s scars, what awful people to do that.
I have a huge scar from an emergency ectopic pregnancy surgery and yes I don’t particularly like it but it’s part of me and without surgery I would have died.
My dd has a huge scar on her ankle following surgery and it’s permanently swollen, she is very conscious of it and wears boots all year round Which I’m hoping one day she may not feel she needs to.

Maybe she has a dickhead brother in law who is always banging on about how he nearly died one time in a combine harvester accident and won't you just look at this scar??!

And she saw yours and thought fuck you Billy. That lady over there has really been through the wars. I'm going to WhatsApp him a picture of a real scar!

It's still rude but it wouldn't be about YOU but about HER. Try and let it go, people can be such dicks.

I think someone people are curious about them, airports are also very very boring so people are typically less likely to consider their behaviour.

I have a large scar on my lower abdomen from surgery, the wound didn’t heal so it was left open and packed. The skin is very smooth, but it’s much lighter than the surrounding skin and hairless. I always get people looking when I swim, in the changing room etc, but I know that it’s just curiosity so thankfully it doesn’t get to me.

@lynzpynz of course. There’s the occasional bit of dribble too, but I blame that on the prescription painkillers 🧟‍♀️😂

@Crabonastick 🤣🤣🤣

If I had been there I would have punched her square in the face. Some people are just cunts.

@Lllot5, & I'd have held her down for you, then provided the alibi ...
What an almighty BITCH.

I have a very large scar on my leg from surgery when I was 15. It did not bother me until I went on holiday with friends aged 19 and a complete stranger approached me as we waited to go on a day trip and asked me (and I quote) how I got such a terrible scar? Who does that? Who walks up to a stranger and says that? Unfortunately for this woman she was on our trip and staying at our hotel so once I'd recovered from being dumdstruck I made sure to repeatedly point out what an awful thing she had said.

It's horrible op but I pity people who are so ugly on the inside that they think it's ok to behave like this.

People are just curious about anything different and unfortunately many don't know how to behave about it. Been there many times and have the same issue every summer. I don't care anymore, just stare back to make them uncomfortable. Theres nothing ugly about scars or differences in body shapes.

I have a scar in the shape of my step son's teeth which has been there. When I'm not wearing long sleeves people stare at it.
Scars are what make us unique. Please don't worry about it.

I am really sorry you came across a complete arsehole. Sadly if you wonder over to the thread about the meme mocking a woman for her wight you will find that there are other arseholes in the world.

My DD has a scar on her leg where she has had multiple operations, luckily no one has been nasty to her about it so far, but I just have to return to the earlier point that the world is full of arseholes.

I've got a lumpectomy scar high up on my breast. It's visible if I wear certain tops. To start with I covered it up, then I decided that anyone who is impolite about it is an arsehole and not worth caring about.

What a twat! I have a scar from between my boobs down to my pubic bone from and emergency operation that very nearly saw me leave the planet after an accident. I do find it ugly but I also find it testament to me surviving 'the worst injuries I've ever seen on someone who isn't dead' as my doctor put it. And testament to the skill of the people who kept me alive. My scar isn't visible unless I choose to sunbathe in a bikini but my limp, and the fact I need a white cane as I have lost a lot of my sight are - and it's strange how people can react even to obvious disabilities. Most people of course are fine but some can be really odd or rude.
if someone really did think it was ok to stare and take pics just tell yourself that you may have scars, but they are the one who is damaged. xxxxx

I lost a fair chunk of my leg in an accident-the calf section on the inside going round to the front is just gone. I got so sick of people pointing and staring one woman stopped her daughter to point it out-that I’ve stopped using the pool. Fortunately, there’s a hospital pool nearby where nobody even looks, they’re so used to seeing people with injuries, probably worse than mine.

People stare at anything unusual, OP. I find they stop if you challenge them, but no way should you have to. She was just bloody rude.

A fucking cunt of a woman told my dd that it was disgusting to have her scar on show( bearing in mind it was just poking out of the top of her outfit). And that she ought to keep her covered up or indoors.

That’s so disgusting. I hope your dd gave her a mouthful back.