AIBU To not expect to be body shamed over scars?! Is this a thing?

[IsAnybodyListening]

I wish this wasn't bothering me, but it keeps popping into my head.

Not so much of a backstory, but over 10yrs ago I was in an accident. I spent almost a month in hospital and have 2 scars running from my ankle on the same leg. One about 7 inches, one about 10 inches. Admittedly, they do look very new and an angry red colour still.

A couple of months back, myself, dp and our teens were returning from a holiday and were waiting in the airport lounge. I noticed a women who was sitting down near to where I was standing repeatedly looking from her phone to my leg. It took a good minute to realise she was fixated on my leg/and or her phone-and didn't notice I had clocked her watching iyswim.

Anyway, I see her smirk/laugh-and she pocked the man she was travelling with and she said something to him. He immediately looks up at my leg briefly, and from my perception didn't look impressed with her. I saw her look pissed (just my interpretation of their facial expressions)...and then I am pretty sure she took a picture of my legs. Neither of them looked beyond my leg to my face, else they would have seen I had noticed.

This encounter keeps popping into my head for many reasons. For one, I am not particularly body conscious. I'm 37 and think I dress fairly well. I am clean and make an effort with my appearance. However, shy of cosmetic surgery-my scars are my scars.

I think it is bothering me as I am a pretty straight shooter in terms of confrontation. and I should have said something, but didn't. I told Dp on the plane and he was very nonchalant.

It never occurred to me to be embarrassed about having scars -and I'm not. But the realisation this was noteworthy to a bloody stranger has really irked me. I'll be honest, my leg doesn't look pretty. But WHY would someone ridicule a stranger like that? What is in it for her? And also...I am damn sure she took a picture and am so cross with myself for not challenging her :(

I have a scar from a cleft lip repair. It's horrid, I hate it and will never 'get past it' despite my mother's pleas.

People are the absolute pits, I've read about it after some delightful 'friend' who was studying psychology told me that it is human nature to stare and avoid people with differences.

I find that the best thing is to fake it til you make it. People sense upset and keep staring and commenting/nudging each other, nip it in the bud with a big smile and a cheery hello. It usually shocks them enough to turn away.

People sometimes think I have a learning disability along with my cleft, I sound different so it is quite amusing to see their face change when it is clear I don't have any other impairment. They again become embarrassed and turn away.

I find the most awful thing is where people completely ignore me instead of staring or trying to act normally. Think doors in faces, ignorance, talking through the person I'm with instead of me.

I'm sorry I cannot change the scars on your legs, keep thinking and talking about this hurtful, ignorant woman until it no longer hurts. You are not wrong. You are worth it to to be here.

I've been in the snapping picture situation before. First time I cried for weeks, the other time I asked them if they'd just taken a photo of me. (in a bar.) They told me to fuck off, but they probably won't do it again for fear of confrontation.

I have a four inch scar right in the crease of my groin. Obviously it's not visible, but I've had plenty of comments from beauty therapists about it when I've had bikini waxing, some of them pretty rude and nosy, and one refused to go anywhere near it on the grounds that it would "rip open" . At that point I'd had it more than 20 years...
People are rude, try to ignore, but I understand your discomfort OP.

I love scars on other people but am ashamed of my own as the are self inflicted. I have a large one on my leg also and have keloid skin so it is still very large and raised. I cover it as much as possible.

Snowflake “I feel a bit of a fraud even commenting on here because you've all got scars for genuine reasons”

Yours are genuine reasons too! No one has scars for non genuine reasons.

Snowflakesgivewishes Please don't think that of yourself! Ever! You have scars for much bigger reasons than I do. I had an accident, you had a coping mechanism by the sounds of it. I would rather get scars through an accident than trauma

The actress, Amanda Redman, has been scars on one upper arm from a childhood accident(I think). It never stops her wearing sleeveless dresses. I've always admired her for the way she just sees them as a part of her, no more or less then her blue eyes. (That last bit is just from me.)

I think at one stage she was also involved with a burns victim charity.

Contrast this attitude which is what most people would find acceptable to the woman in the airport. The latter isn't worth a moment's thought.

@grannybiker Sorry you’ve had some crap experiences at the pool though it sounds as if most of the baldie ones have been positive. My best baldie experience was when I went into a town pub with a friend, went to the bar to order and next to me was a guy whose sister was going through the same thing. He not only gave me words of encouragement but also kissed and hugged me, which really impressed my friend from afar.
Keep on swimming!

Did anyone see how authorJoanna Cannon was talked to at a petrol station? I was wondering what the outcome was. Bloody awful that there are people who behave this way.

Hopefully I’ve linked this right

twitter.com/joannacannon/status/1183442162219933702

I've got scars, including one on my throat from a tracheotomy when I was in an induced coma from pneumonia as a complication of asthma.

Scars are proof you survived whatever caused them aren't they?

People are stupid!

I have a very noticeable scar on my left eyelid, I had ptosis of the eye kid when I was born (droopy eye) and when I was 5 it was operated on to correct it, I have a slightly lopsided eye and it doesn't match my right but it's ok as I can see

I have a long scar (nearly ear to ear) just inside my hair line. It's covered by hair usually. I'm gutted! It is my war wound from brain surgery and I'm bloody proud of it. I keep threatening to get a tattoo just lower than my hairline so it's visible. It's now on show after I shaved my hair after losing a large amount during radiotherapy. I've become a gob-shite about it. I have been known to approach someone looking saying "it's amazing isn't it? My surgeon was amazing, don't you think?" and then smile and walk away. About 5 min later, they've stopped blushing and they've managed to close their mouths. If possible, stand proud. People tend more to be gobsmacked and fascinated than cruel and snidey.

@Loulou789 Thanks. My shoulders are broad even tho' my chest is lopsided, LOL!
Being hugged by random strangers was something that happened more than once. I was also approached by a scared woman who was plucking up the courage to ask for a referral, hugged by a chap whose Mum was having treatment, had my money waved away at the bar etc.
I find that on the whole, people are lovely and just want to wish you well. Just so sorry that others in this thread have had such horrible experiences :(

@grannybiker Thank you. All the best to you too. I’m still going strong 12 years later 👍

She's a prick.

Although if I had of seen your scars, I'd be curious rather than shaming. I'd be thinking what many have happened you.
Wear your scar with pride.

My son busted his thumb badly, it has healed but it looks different. I call it my lucky thumb. If I need a bit of luck I'll kiss it or rub it (Only cause I was thinking of how he may react to it not looking the way it use too) he feels lucky, because he may aswel have lost it! I embrace being different and weirdness in my family because we are all unique! Thankfully they are accepting of this! 😀😀 He was called weird (he likes to collect different types of stone/rocks) one time and his reply was "thank you"

Another one with a DD and heart surgeries people are so cruel some times and amazing it's always been the older generation that made hurtful comments, young children are more accepting of differences. They ask questions about why but through genuine interest not any malicious intent. My DD was raised to be proud of her scar, she would be dead without it and that's the bitter truth. None of us want our scars but they're our saving grace most of the time.

Some people are absolutely awful with this stuff.

When I was 18 I almost amputated my arm in a freak accident (thanks to the sink of my username actually). I have a scar that goes 2/3 of the way round my arm diagonally. Things were not well handled by the hospital and at first they were talking about amputating, then they said they were sending me to another hospital for plastic surgery, then it ended up being a doctor as a nurse in A&E bodging it back together.

When the stitches first came out it looked like someone had stapled it back on in the dark. I was massively self conscious of it because so many people stared at it or asked me how it happened, complete strangers.

A few months after it happened I was on a train and there was a couple over the aisle. He had headphones in. I was baking in a jumper in summer so I took it off and within minutes he was loudly saying to his girlfriend “UUUURGH...look at her ARM”. I think he thought he was being quiet. Everyone in the carriage stared at me as if they were expecting to see some mutant arm or a leper. I don’t think I showed my arm for years after that, even in summer.

These days I don’t care. If people ask I’ll make a joke about a shark or something (it’s more believable than a sink, to be fair). Now I think it’s gives me a bit of a cool edge compared to my boring mumness 😂 Last time I even really thought about it was my wedding when my mum suggested I wear long gloves to cover it.

Sure, I looked a bit like Frankenstein’s monster in the arm department but was it ever really gross, or horrifying enough to deserve a bloke shouting in horror on a train? No, it’s a scar FFS.

If someone made a big thing of it now, I’d be quite stunned and ask them what their fucking problem was. But back then I would shrink and fall apart if anyone mentioned it, so I completely understand what it’s like to not react to people as you wish you had (I wish I’d thumped that bloke on the train but probably best I didn’t).

Try to forget them. Some people clearly have very dull lives if any of our scars are worth taking a sneaky photo of. Poor bastards.

I've got a scar along my neck from having my thyroid removed. It didn't heal properly and still looks terrible after all these years.
Standing in the queue in Asda years ago, a couple were in front of me. She turns starts looking at my neck she when told her partner to look at the girls neck. When he turned round I completely lost my shit and asked if he wanted a matching one.
The two of them turned back sharpish, they probably thought I was bonkers.
It doesn't bother me now but occasionally I catch someone having a look.

Unfortunately you can’t see the scar from my craziest injury unless you really look for it - a scar across my left eyelid where someone cut my eyelid open with a sword. Luckily it hides in the crease and miraculously there was no damage to my eye or the surrounding muscles. Really I should be a one-armed, one-eyed woman at this point!

Snowflakes one good thing about my crazy sink scar is that people think the smaller scars all over my forearm are from the same accident rather than self harm. I would not recommend almost chopping your arm off with a sink as a way to detract, however - not my finest moment 😬

I have a large scar on my arm. When I was younger people used to approach me to ask if it was a gun shot wound (it isnt). Some stupid people lose their heads when faced with the unusual.

some people have no manners, and what they did was wrong . But karma will happen.
I have bad psoriasis and never try to hide it or my spare tyre. The sun helps my skin . If someone doesn't like how I look its their problems. Scars and illnesses are nothing to be ashamed of, bad manners and taking sneaky photos are.
Don't let it eat you, you are a greater person.

I have scars and I didn't like being stared at either .
Now I am older I think that a scar is the sign of a warrior that won that battle!
I am a warrior.
My scar gave me trauma I needed therapy for but after I felt ok I noticed that most people never gave it a second look. If I didn't care neither did anyone else.

It is wrong that the woman took a photo, it shouldn't happen but it is her bad.
Let the incident tell you that you
are a much better person that she is.
what a bitch.......it will come back and bite her ass at some point in time. Being so rude over a small scar on a stranger.

Yanbu, I have significant scars from self harm on my arms and the amount of strangers who think it’s appropriate to STROKE them is ridiculous.

@Loulou789 Right back at ya Pink Sista! :)
5 years since my primary, 2+ years since recurrence and spread, but feeling and looking well so living a life I love xx

What shoes did you have on, OP?