To think 'you're welcome anytime' isn't an actual invite

[StrawberryDreamX]

If someone said to you 'you're welcome to visit anytime' would you take this as an open invitation to visit whenever you're free? In my experience this sort of invite comes from people I don't know too well or haven't spent a lot of time with. I prefer to make actual plans of doing something on a set date at a specific time. As a result I rarely actually visit anyone who says this. I would never turn up at someone's door without calling before hand or essentially phoning and asking to go to someone's house, unless they were a close friend. How do you respond to you're welcome any time from people you don't know too well/haven't spent a lot of time with?
Aibu in thinking 'you're welcome anytime' isn't an actual invite?

I take it to mean they are open to the concept of making plans, but they aren't going to chase you.

If you want to hang out, send a text that's says , "kids and I free Wednesday, fancy doing something?" Then she can suggest meet elsewhere if her place isnt kid friendly.
Or conversely, text to say you are kid free Wednesday night, does she want to meet for a drink. That type of thing

an old friend, whom I don't see very often due to circumstances, wrote in an email you're welcome to come over xmas day or later if you're free.
id seen her ten days earlier at funeral of her close family member. her sister who lives afar asked me to keep and eye on her, pop in esp weekends when she is not having work to distract her. anyway I turned up, don't live far 15 mins drive, about 6.30pm xmas day. she opened door and first thing she said was , oh didn't know you were coming, which stung a bit. I didn't remind her she had invited me 3 days before in email. she then questioned me on how id spent the earlier part of the day. was alone, but ok to be so. she said I should have come to them for dinner/earlier. she had 2 relatives whom I'd met, and then later 3 friends joined them. so there were 6 in total when I got there. she made me welcome and it was ok, but I felt a bit awkward. sent her thanks by email next day, and greetings to her sister. not heard anything since. it does sting a bit. I have always felt a bit below the salt compared with them. they are a different class.

I would never say this, but I have a friend who likes to drop by unannounced - often with family or friends in tow.

I find it very stressful and have been known to actually hide if I spot her car approaching

A text half hour in advance would be perfect but I don't mind if they call in for a cuppa unexpectedly either Really? I prefer a lot more notice than that and always give others at least a days notice if I'm going to visit. Except my mum.

I don't take it as being literal. I mentioned to Dp saying I thought I was being said out of politeness rather than an actual invite to make plans. He disagreed and said I was being silly and I should phone/text said person when I'm free to arrange to visit. I'm more of the opinion if the person actually wanted to spend time together they'd make concrete plans.

@ChicCroissant Definitely not waiting on another invite, in fact visiting this person really is more hassle than it's worth. I was only curious of others opinions since Dp disagreed with me so much

@PigletJohn - eh? I’m Australian. I’ve done this exactly once and would never do it again.

In my early twenties, I moved to a small town for work. Now, in this particular place, people are a lot more casual with social arrangements than they are in the city I’m from. One of my superiors at work invited me to dinner with him and his wife. All went well, both lovely people, and both told me repeatedly that I could drop in anytime. At first I thought this was just a thing they said to be polite, but he kept reiterating it when I saw him at work. He even sort of (gently) admonished me for not dropping by.

So, one Sunday afternoon, I did it. The reception I got was along the lines of “Oh, it’s you, what do you want?” I’m sure the words they used were more polite than that, but that was the gist. I was mortified. On the spot, I made up a work-related excuse to speak to him. We talked about work for a bit, then they offered me a drink and I said “Oh no, must be off”, because they clearly wanted me gone.

So, yeah, I would never advise anyone to show up unannounced, even if you are told you will always be welcome.

When I say it, I mean it. Obviously the unsaid part is “within reasonable social convention” i.e, I wouldn’t be happy with a doorbell at 2am. But if I didn’t want to see someone, I wouldn’t say it.

I agree this whole culture of “polite” empty words is ridiculous. What could be more impolite than extending an invitation to someone you never wanted to see? If those people take you at their word, they are deemed to be very rude when all they are doing is taking you at your word.

That is the invite from a person that says that though OP - if you are waiting for another text that says 'Wednesday' it's not going to happen. You've been invited. You can text first if that makes you feel more comfortable and suggest a day

See it wouldn’t occur to me that was implied - that’s half an invite surely? Especially if you are both aware you have pretty full calendars anyway. I would add ‘I don’t work Mondays if you’re ever at a loose end’ and leave it at that rather than expecting someone to feel like an imposition - especially if I’m the one instigating the whole thing.

Since having dd I’ve had to be a lot more proactive socially after meeting quite a few new people. If I get on with them I generally say something along the lines of ‘we should meet up again, I don’t work Mondays so if you’re free let me know’.

I'd probably take it to mean if ever i had a "who will look after my child?" emergency they might be someone i could possibly call on if both i and dc both liked and trusted them. And i'd probably assume thay person was amenable to meeting up again in the future in normal circumstances.

Personally I'd say it to the sort of person I would genuinely like to see and was relaxed enough with for them to come round at short notice. E.g. I wouldn't feel I had to tidy up or cater particularly for them. But I wouldn't expect to find them literally on the doorstep.

E.g. I've said this to my very nice new neighbour. I'd be happy to give her a cup of tea given half an hour's notice.
But I have a very close friend who I always gut the place for because she is obsessive about neatness and can't help it. We only ever make plans well in advance and I'd never invite her just to pop in!

I guess from the answers it means various different things to different people.

I’m very happy for people not to call ahead. They just have to take us as we are though. Being distracted for a cup of tea is nice.
I would expect firmer arrangements if people wanted to stay over generally but wouldn’t turn them away if they just arrived. Why W you not want to see friends?

Any time means never/ arranged in advance at a push in my experience

I can think of one person I know who means this literally, she’s a very “good” type of person. I’d still never do it though.

Generally I think it’s just something people say.

It's just a meaningless thing to say really, usually as people can't think of anything else to say at that moment. I would never say this to anyone,as I don't want anyone to just pop in, and I wouldn't offload myself to anyone who might say it to me.

@CherryPavlova It's not a friend, I barely know the woman. Have only met her a handful of times hence why I'm thinking she is saying it out of politeness rather than an actually wanting me to visit. If I was planning to visit I'd always arrange a suitable, never just turn up.

I only say it to people who love far away. To me, it means if you want to visit, you are always welcome to stay and don't need to book hotels etc. I would still expect a date to be given and not have them turn up unexpectedly.

Hmm see someone keeps saying to me that she wants to meet for coffee, and I keep saying she can come over any time and to let me know when she's free. I even suggested meeting in town in case she didn't want to come to my house but she still won't get back to me to suggest a time or date! It's so frustrating and I would actually like to catch up with her. What should I say instead of of course you're welcome any time, just let me know?? I thought that was a clear invitation

I think people mean that you're a good guest and have been well behaved?

Bertie Botts : you need to be more specific I. E. Next Wednesday, 10am, Costa

@BertieBotts I'd say 'let me know when you're free' is also something people say out of politeness. I'd say she probably thinks you're not being sincere. Call or text and say, I'm free this weekend would you like to meet me for a coffee?

OK. I will try that! Thanks!

I say this to people all the time. I would people to call first and organise something. I don’t mind visitors I just don’t like unexpected visitors. 🤣

It depends how close you are to the person. I've had it with neighbours I'm friendly with and they literally meant whenever I fancied knocking the door to see if they were free, however I've equally had it worn neighbours I'm friendly with and they meant text first and give them an hours notice but never before 9 am or after 6pm, so I think it does depend a lot. I would always text or call first.

It's just something people say to soften a goodbye, similar to see you later, catch up soon, we must get together for a drink/coffee/catch up. Just one of those sayings. If I want to meet a friend I would send a specific invite by text or whatever. My favourite parting though is when people say ok well I'll let you get on... In other words bugger off, always make me chuckle

From your update I'd take it as an invitation to see if it's convenient to come for a visit when you're in the area. So it's a definite invitation to come and say hello and have a cup of tea and a catch up but not an invitation to come for an extended period of time/ dinner etc i.e don't travel especially to see us but if you're passing let us know and if we're free we'll get the kettle on.

Well it's not a specific invitation, but I would take it to mean that if you want to make arrangements you'll more than likely be accommodated!

I wouldn't take it as just call on the off chance.