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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do I do

56 replies

fmylife · 05/01/2020 04:05

Name change, occasional poster.

My ex has our 3 dc tonight, they are due back at 10am.
He is now threatening to take them out of the country. He has the means, he has a very dark side to him. I was emotionally, financially and physically abused for the past 15 years.

I don't know what to do, he is on the BC, so don't know how I can stop him.
DC are 10,8 and 2.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 05/01/2020 04:08

Do you have their passports?

Original poster
fmylife · 05/01/2020 04:12

They don't have passports, he's always paid for everything and never given me money for 'extras'.

OP posts:
Rosspoldarkssaddle · 05/01/2020 04:15

Is this access court defined?

alwaysthinkingofsleep · 05/01/2020 04:16

Contact the police

3rdNamechange · 05/01/2020 04:16

Call the police.

crustycrab · 05/01/2020 04:17

If they don't have passports how can he take them? Either way, don't wait, just call the police

sofato5miles · 05/01/2020 04:18

Call the police and get their advice

Do you have any legal documents regarding child residency?

Original poster
fmylife · 05/01/2020 04:21

It's an agreement we came to ourselves.

Will the police be able to bring them back or am I going to have to wait it out until they are due home.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 05/01/2020 04:27

If they don’t have passports they can’t leave the country OP.

schoolcats · 05/01/2020 04:32

Apply for passports for them (dont tell him) and lock them in a safe box somewhere, then he can't apply for a passport for them. If he doesn't know they have one he won't know to say it's lost or stolen and then won't get another one.

Breastfeedingworries · 05/01/2020 04:32

Actually they can be smuggled out of the country, like taken by boat. They can’t legally be taken. Hmm

Call the police

Original poster
fmylife · 05/01/2020 04:34

He's always told me if he needed to get them out the country he would. I'm petrified.

I can't get through to his phone and the dc won't answer FaceTime.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 05/01/2020 04:36

Does he normally have them to stay over? What makes you think he might do this this time? Scary for all of you.

schoolcats · 05/01/2020 04:40

Phone the police on the non-emergency number and ask for advice.

On Monday see a solicitor about getting the issue of residency resolved. WIth the abuse you've experienced they will be able to advise about him only have supervised contact or no contact.

butwhateverfor · 05/01/2020 04:53

Ten to one, he is doing it to exert control over you: "Look how I can terrorise her even now!"

Therefore, I would say it is best to call time on this new 'method' of his now. Call the police - he probably will not expect you to, but you need to indicate to him that you are not prepared to put up with threats.

Marshmallow91 · 05/01/2020 05:01

Exactly what @butwhateverfor said.

Toomanygerbils · 05/01/2020 05:10

The police will have no power to do anything here, unless you have proof he is planning to abduct them. Yes they will carry out a welfare check, but that may either calm the situation or aggravate it further. Without passports they aren’t leaving the uk. If he doesn’t return them as planned you can then take legal action.

Bluerussian · 05/01/2020 05:30

I think the older two would kick up a fuss if he got as far as an airport but I hope it doesn't come to that.

schoolcats Sun 05-Jan-20 04:40:23
Phone the police on the non-emergency number and ask for advice.

On Monday see a solicitor about getting the issue of residency resolved. WIth the abuse you've experienced they will be able to advise about him only have supervised contact or no contact.
......
That.

Good luck.

nameymcnamechangeagain · 05/01/2020 06:00

If they don’t have passports then he can’t take them out of the country legally.

Although many posters have said call the police, honestly all it will do is be logged, the police can’t stop him from keeping them (I have a court order for my children, and they can’t even enforce that!) court orders aren’t worth the paper they are written on in my opinion but the ONLY thing you can do is take it to court and that can take a long time. I’m really sorry you are going through this, I’ve been there and I seriously wish there was brighter news but there isn’t.

DeathStare · 05/01/2020 06:03

For everyone saying "If they don't have passports...." He may well have passports for them.

OP have you heard from him yet?

ellix · 05/01/2020 06:08

Call police so they know his intentions.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/01/2020 06:28

He may have got passports. Please let us know your dcs are safe. Flowers

EerieSilence · 05/01/2020 06:32

You need to notify the police.

billybagpuss · 05/01/2020 06:41

Call the police and then busy yourself preparing to protect yourself from this in the future:

Order passports,
Find a solicitor to formalise access

hidinginthenightgarden · 05/01/2020 07:10

How can he get passports? Don't you have to have both parents info/signature and grandparents info? I doubt he is informed enough to do it without OPs input.

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