To hate looking young?

[moonsmarshmellow]

Does anybody else hate looking young for their age?

I know people generally think/say it’s a good thing but I think in some cases (myself included) it really isn’t!

I’m 28 but really baby-faced and constantly mistaken for a teen. It makes me feel very self-conscious and it’s not particularly attractive- I just look weirdly child-like for my age. I envy my friends who look like actual women and don’t have to worry about looking odd in their workplace or not being taken seriously because they’re perceived as 17! I also have a child and look far too young to be their mum and feel a bit self-conscious when out and about with them.

Aibu to think that there are a lot of downsides to looking young?

100% I agree.
I can more so understand people older saying it’s a good thing even if it doesn’t seem it but when a 20yo says to me you don’t look it in a dismissive way it is very irritating. I would never say someone looks old so don’t say I look young

You can hate whatever you like, but because youth is a prized commodity in our society and age tends to mean people devaluing you, I can’t feel too much in the way of sympathy.

This has been done here before and you’re probably about to be ripped to shreds, but I do agree with you. I looked really young throughout my twenties and into my early thirties, and I hated it. People wouldn’t take me seriously at work and would make patronising comments assuming I’d just graduated when I actually had years of experience!

I think the years when you actually want to look younger don’t start until your thirties, when it would be lovely to feel like you look like you’re in your twenties. But nobody in their twenties wants to look like a child.

That said, something changed very quickly when I was about 32, and now I’m 35 and nobody says I look young any more. And I do miss it a little! So don’t take it for granted that you’ll always look super young, and try to enjoy it as much as you can!

I don’t think there are ‘a lot’ of downsides to looking young, especially for a woman.

YANBU, our plumber recently told me how young I looked since I'd got highlights (about age 16 he said). FFS I'm late 30s and have stopped dyeing my hair - the streaks were grey! What's wrong with some people that they can't tell womens' ages properly.

I sympathise op
I was 29 and pregnant when someone asked me what school I went to ! Annoying
And your right about not being taken seriously at work
However I’m now 47 and I love looking younger
Realistically you can’t go much about it
But you’re right it’s annoying

I don’t even understand why people feel the need to comment on anything.
No one knows other people’s struggles. Don’t comment someone looks really skinny, they might have an eating disorder. Don’t mention being fat, someone might have an illness. Don’t mention anything physical about a person I don’t see what’s hard about that 🙈

thejollyroger

"youth is a prized commodity in our society and age tends to mean people devaluing you"

Youth isn't valued in every scenario and young women aren't treated well, or respected in a serious way.

26-38 is probably the age that is prized, but that's no use when you look in your late teens/early 20's.

@moonsmarshmellow

As an old codger who won't see 40 again, let me assure you that it won't last! I look at MOST, 2 or 3 years younger on a good day (and 5 years older on a bad day!)

Make the most of it. I looked (as many others) 8-10 years younger than my age up to my early 30s, but weirdly I never got offended by it.

Wait til you are mid 40s, you will look your age then. Virtually everyone does. It catches up with you by then (Even though some people claim they are still asked for I.D. to buy alcohol when they are 43 PMSL!)

Ponoka7

I don’t know about that, to be honest. It’s true that there are some scenarios where relative youth is treated as a disadvantage, but in general people say “You look young” as a compliment, because they value youth and expect you to value it, too. Past the age of about 15, and only then because it means you might be able to drink or someone wants to shag you who shouldn’t, nobody says, “Wow, you look so old for your age! I would have thought you were thirty-five at least!”

We always want what we haven’t got, mainly because we overlook the advantages we are used to, and don’t appreciate the disadvantages we haven’t experienced of the things we long for.

Shift your focus to the things that do work for you.

I know this sounds preachy and dull, but I wasted my youth on fretting about what wasn’t perfect in my life .
You always get more of whatever you focus on, so focus on the good bits.

I'm the same. It drives me mad. I just want to look my age.

I used to hate it but now I’m 50 I love it.

I'm 40. I last got ID'd for alcohol in a supermarket maybe 3 years ago. I have finally turned a corner, now that the grey is arriving.

The low point was when a salesman turned up to my house when I was in my early 30s, paused, then asked "Hi, is your mum or dad in?"

Yes! I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago and I don't look my age at all. I was once mistaken for my DS sister! He was 3 at the time 🙈
However, when I look at some women my age and younger who are caked in makeup and look older than they are I would rather stay the way I am. It doesn't help that very young girls have astounding makeup skills nowadays and look much older than they are.

(Even though some people claim they are still asked for I.D. to buy alcohol when they are 43 PMSL!)

I’m 35 and got asked for ID just last week (hadn’t happened in years before then) but then the guy said ‘oh actually, now that I look at you...’

I looked young for my age until my early 40s. I hated it. I've always been in a very responsible job and only in my 40s did I feel I'd finally come to look more suited to it! It's ageism on my part, thinking that young people can't do the thing, whatever it is!

Something I’ve been thinking about recently is this assumption that looking good = looking young.

I see a lot of articles along the lines of ‘such and such actor/actress is 50 but you wouldn’t believe it’ (usually actress, but not always). Then I’ll look at the pics and think gosh yes, he/she looks amazing. But if I think about it some more and ask myself how old I think they look, I wouldn’t necessarily put them any younger than 50. They just look like a really amazing, fit, healthy, beautiful 50 year old. I think it’s a shame that we pin so much emphasis on youth and seem to assume that you can’t look good past 35 without somehow looking younger than your age.

Hated it with a vengeance. Being mistaken for a primary school child when I was in secondary, asked if I wanted a half fare on a bus, never taken seriously at work because a looked like a teenager, and boys just not interested in a skinny childlike person!

It's finally better late 30s when I am mistaken for DDs sister, and DH for my father! DH not too pleased but everyone thinks I am his younger second wife that her 'traded in'.

I might begin to like it when I look 40 in my 60s 😂

Although that said, I will never ever believe that Jane Fonda is 82

It's not about looking good, it's about looking like a teenager when you are a mature adult, and people push you aside in shops, or talk to you like a little kid. Not a positive experience for me

I'm mid twenties and I was last mistaken for a teen (multiple times) about a year ago. I think YABU, I agree with the PP about youth being a prized commodity. The irony for me is that now I am already going grey and have some wrinkles even tho I am so young so I am actually aging prematurely. So I have gone from having a face/demeanor etc that marked me out as v young to premature aging. Now I've got a bit of both so I wonder how that ages me when people look at me?! I guess older though. I wish I still looked my youthful self but pregnancy and having a child kick started my premature aging with a venegence, alas. I'm a rare breed of mid-twenties woman who is going grey and has some wrinkles but also still has acne and otherwise a youthful face/body/deamonur (I think a lot of it is to do with behaviour and clothes etc as much as it is physical features).

I'm 41 and so many people I meet in my job don't believe I'm old enough to have teenage kids. It's said to me all the time.

In one way I'm glad I have youthful looks and on another way I feel the same way as you OP

I can understand how you feel OP and do sympathise. But honestly (and this probably won't help right now!) you'll feel very different in 30 years time when people don't believe that you are nearing 60 🥰 (I'm that person, and DAMN it feels good 😂)

It has its advantages (ie I can get away without make up most days) but I really hate it when people find out my age and make a huge fuss about it. It happened recently and the other person kept going on about it to others because she 'just couldn't believe it'