To hate looking young?

[moonsmarshmellow]

Does anybody else hate looking young for their age?

I know people generally think/say it’s a good thing but I think in some cases (myself included) it really isn’t!

I’m 28 but really baby-faced and constantly mistaken for a teen. It makes me feel very self-conscious and it’s not particularly attractive- I just look weirdly child-like for my age. I envy my friends who look like actual women and don’t have to worry about looking odd in their workplace or not being taken seriously because they’re perceived as 17! I also have a child and look far too young to be their mum and feel a bit self-conscious when out and about with them.

Aibu to think that there are a lot of downsides to looking young?

Also, my DD is the same age as you and recently went to a family festival with her husband, their child and another female adult friend...they were asked if they wanted a 'family ticket' because the ticket seller thought my DD was under 16 😂

People have always commented that I don't look my age until the past couple of years and.... I really miss it. 😂

It really is an absolute curse.

Young people are the most discriminated group, YANBU at all OP. I understand.

It does get better - you WILL start looking older eventually! I was regularly assumed to be late teens/early 20s until I suddenly aged mid 30s.

red yes! I had one recently that went round the office talking about it.

I am quite baby faced and while I found it a Bain in my teens Ian’s twenties I am reaping the rewards in my late 30’s. I still look like I am in my twenties. So you will love it one day.

Yep! People think it’s okay to say ‘oh you don’t look 25’

I was out with friends once and we weren’t drinking alcohol but got ID’d as it was a bar. I said oh do we need ID if we aren’t having alcohol and the women behind the bar replied ‘if you didn’t look like a baby maybe I wouldn’t of ID’d you’

@moonsmarshmellow I read this and thought oh my god - did I write this in my sleep or something!!!!

I am the same age as you, and have the EXACT same thoughts. I look about 18 AT MOST. The looking youthful isn't what bothers me, it's about worrying people don't take me seriously in the workplace, like I am some child. It's awful, I totally sympathise. Or just generally take me seriously. When I was 25, some woman asked me if I was off school this week (half term) I was like no I'm not a teacher - SHE THOUGHT I WAS A SCHOOL CHILD.

No-body gets it. I get slammed for saying I hate it and the 'ohhhh wait until you are 40 then you won't hate it'. I honestly feel like slapping those people. Doesn't help either that I'm like a beanpole, no boobs or bum nothing. Just look like a lanky 14 year old.

I feel ya!

I looked younger than my age and it DROVE ME MAD! Never got taken seriously at work etc. However, I am 47 now and could pass for at least 35 on a good day. My friends are forever banging on about my skin and whilst it can get annoying (have lost count of the amount of times my friends have asked new people we meet to 'guess how old she is?!), it's mostly ok. But it's taken over 25 years to get to that point! But it's not the worst thing ever when you put it in perspective. You could dress older, wear glasses etc but hey, as others have said, your time will come! And when I reach 60 i am going to LOVE the fact that people think I'm younger!

I had the opposite when I was a child - I had to carry ID from about 10, because they wouldn't believe I was under 14 when my Mum asked for a half fare on the bus for me.

Since then, I have never ever been asked for ID. The only time I ever raised eyebrows was in Austria, in my very early 20s. I used my international student card to get cheaper entry to an attraction and the woman in the ticket office stared intently at my card for a very awkward amount of time. My birth year was clearly shown, but because British 7s are almost identical to European 1s, she was very puzzled at this apparent octogenarian trying to pass as a young student!

Looking young for my age has been a pain for many years. The amount of comments I've had over the years have gone from patronising to damn right rude.

Odd ones like "you don't look old enough to be married..." when I was 27 and "Do you get funny looks when you are walking down the street with your dc.." when was about 28.

Now I'm mid 30s I might get asked for ID when buying alcohol ever so often but I find it more pathetically amusing. A guy in Sainsbury's said a few weeks ago "hmm, you look really young.. I think I'm going to have to ask you for your ID making a bit of a thing about it.." then followed it with "oh it's a compliment ha ha!" Looking very smug when I was giving him a raised eyebrow. When he saw my dob is mid 1980s he looked a bit awkward. I mean yeah, I get that if you look under 25 there's a chance you could be 16/17 but look 23 so they check your age. But the chances of someone mid 30s looking a whole decade younger with a possibility they could actually be 18 years younger than they really are is quite slim...

A couple of generations ago it was deemed rude to ask a woman her age, especially one 30+. What changed? Are younger people or those who people think are younger based on looks seen as mere children nowadays who don't deserve the same respect adults do?

I’m heading into my late 30s and still have this problem. One colleague found it hilarious when I mentioned my kids to others and they did a double take. I suspect I’ll go from looking young to looking older and completely miss out on looking like a 30 something who will be taken seriously.

I ended up being more friendly with the early 20s crowd in my last job. It definitely harmed my career as I don’t have the confidence to overcome the pre judgement.

Tbh some people are also just shit at guessing ages and think that anyone who looks under 40 must be in their early 20s and that you can’t be 50 or 60 unless you have grey hair and walk with a Zimmer frame!

I sympathise. I was an MD in my late twenties and looked like a teenager in dress up. It made being taken seriously in meetings and pitches etc very difficult, like an extra barrier I had to knock down on top of being female to make progress with anything. People were so desperately patronising.

I understand. I look young for my age but not in a particularly good way, ie I look like a child but not pretty. I get very frustrated with not being taken seriously, being told I don't look old enough to be a qualified (my job) and talked over by older men at work. I've also experienced middle aged men asking nosey questions about how I've got a house because I don't look old enough and things like that. If I looked like an 18 year old model I'd be happy about it, but I don't. It's very frustrating a lot of the time. If I'm with my mum, people talk to her as though I must be the child daughter and she should speak for me

And you won't necessarily love it one day, sorry. I'm 40 now and went from looking very young for my age to looking old for my age over about a 5 year period. Having a non-sleeping kid will do that. A hard life will do that. Any stress will do that. So looking youthful does not necessarily play out forever.

I’m glad some can relate!

Also i think there’s different kinds of ‘looking young’. Some middle-aged women have great skin and hair, look really fresh and pass for 30 and people envy them.

But in my case it’s being baby-faced and looking quite child-like with people mistaking me for a teenager. I have friends my age who look 28 but may well look young for their age in another 10 or 20 years. I worry about what I’ll look like when I’m old- wrinkly AND baby-faced probably!

(Even though some people claim they are still asked for I.D. to buy alcohol when they are 43 PMSL!)

I’m 41 and got ID’d at my university last year. It wasn’t even a ‘think 25’ but a ‘think 21’ policy. 🤷‍♀️

OP, I sympathise. All these women who say they’d LOVE to look younger - one assumes they mean they’d love to look like twentysomethings, not underage teenagers.

Unfortunately looking disproportionately young for your age and all the pitfalls that come with it is the last bastion on MN where you will be told that you’re wrong, imagining it, making it up, overly sensitive, vain, delusional, paranoid, lying, should enjoy it, boasting, that the experiences you report can’t actually be happening, etc, etc.

I was you but as you approach 40 it's really nice! In another decade it will be better I promise

Stress and non sleeping kids have not aged me! My eldest is nearly ten and has additional needs. That’s many years of interrupted sleep. Plus my own health issues - my body is aging on the inside and I ache all over, but my face is in denial.

People generally think I must be old enough now to have children but always assume they must be babies/very young. They always look shocked when I say no, one is a teenager and one is in the last year of primary. I wasn't even a teenage mum!

Bizarre

Just dropping in to say I’m 43 and get Id’d regularly. Not boasting or anything but it does happen, my 16 year old finds it hilarious.

I hated it til I was 35. Nearly 40 now. Love it! It does get better

@Teenagemaw I often think oh my goodness, I wonder if when I'm 40 and my dd is 18 whether I'll still be asked ID to her amusement? She takes after her dad so is tall, doesn't have my "baby face" looks and is more confident. Plus she has a bigger chest than me and she's only 13 now!