To feel shaken by a dirty phone call?

[leostar1994]

I think from someone I used to work with. I obviously have no way of verifying this but I recognised the voice. If it is who I think, then he is also a friend of my boyfriend of three years and so it's definitely overstepping a line.

I’ve reported it to West Mercia police and they’ve given me a number to call with a reference to quote should it happen again. I wasn't originally going to do this but after thinking about it for a couple of hours I thought it was the right thing to do.

It was a no caller ID number and he was whispering “do you like sex?” over and over. I asked him who he was and he said that it was his friend that had told him I like sex so I asked him over and over who his friend was and then told him to eff off and hung up. He called me back like 3 more times and I answered on the fourth time and said I would call the police and then he stopped whispering and said out loud “[my name], I want to lick your [insert word here] and [insert word here] in you” which really freaked me out! Obviously I wasn't sure if it was just a complete stranger but as they said my name, it must be someone I've met and as I say I have my suspicions.

I feel really quite shaken. My boyfriend was really surprised and comforted me. AIBU? I've never had this happen before!

I don't know if the same system is still used. I had a phone pest and one day I was thoroughly sick of him so reported it to the Police. I had to contact BT and they put a trace on the line.

Each time I received a call I had to press a particular number. After a week or so I had call from the Police to tell me where the majority of the calls were coming from and asking if I recognised the phone no. I was able to find it easily due to making a note of incoming calls on the caller ID over the previous few months and so he was found. I said I didn't want a prosecution just for it to stop (wish I hadn't now though).

Due to being a complete knob he then proceeded to call from every phone box he could find, until I called his office and told the receptionist what he was doing and that the Police were aware.

I hope you can get this resolved, it can be very disconcerting and puts you off answering the phone.

It is horrible. It does give a fright and not surprised you feel shaken.

I had them when we lived in another house miles from here. DH works away and they started when he was away so I was on my own in the house with the kids. It went on for a few months and totally random. The police weren’t that interested those days. Someone told me to blow a whistle and that is what I did really long and loud. Didn’t get anymore after that. They really upset me just heavy breathing no voice and as DH was on a ship and calls were slow to come through it was difficult. They started being in the middle of the night too. I answered worried about DH. Then as I say blew the whistle and it sorted it.

It does leave you feeling shaky. Take care.

Of course yanbu. What an awful thing to happen.

I understand your partner not wanting you to jump straight into deleting someone off social media when you aren't sure, but I would just watch carefully how he is because you don't want this to turn into him living in denial when it's clearly his friend. If you're sure it's his friend then please don't take any shit. And if he's got a wife and kids then it's him causing the pain and grief, not you, so please don't take that on.

It can really leave you shaken, OP.

I had some of these when I was 17. Before 1471 was a thing. He knew my name, one time my mum answered the phone, and he asked to speak to me - totally brazen. He would engage me in conversation, before suddenly dropping something overtly sexual in. And I would promptly hang up. I told nobody at the time (why???).

The worst one was when I was alone in the house, because my parents had taken my younger siblings away for a few days. He rang and said "oh, I thought as you were on your own in the house, I'd come over and keep you company" - I was fucking terrified.

I locked all the doors and windows, and luckily had the dogs with me. To cap it all, the phone lines then went down - no dialling tone when I tried to ring the number I had for my mum (or he'd not hung up on me to scare me more) - I honestly feared he was outside, and had cut the phone lines. I think I barricaded myself in my bedroom that night.

I have no clue who it was, who this man was who knew who I was, and that I was alone in the house. I didn't recognise his voice.

Men who do this want to scare us, and violate us.

Set your phone up so that you can record the call if he tries again.

My gran had one and she put the receiver down next to the phone a pottered about. She came back 20 minutes hater and they were still at it. She said ‘dear me you must have more money than sense!’ Then
Hung up.

My mum kept getting a heavy breather but only ever when my dad was at work. One day they did it when my dad was home. He said he knew who they were (he didn’t) and he would break their legs. He was scary and ‘connected’, the calls stopped.

No it's an invasion and very sinister. It will seem less scary in the morning though. It's happened to me unfortunately

Sounds horrid - good that you had someone with you.

Hopefully it was a one off, but checkout how to record calls on your phone.
The advice by PP about just leaving the phone andnot reacting sounds good. Maybe use a second phone to call the police number while he is on line? (and can hear you)

[www.ofcom.org.uk/phones-telecoms-and-internet/advice-for-consumers/problems/tackling-nuisance-calls-and-messages/abusive-and-threatening-calls]

a charity such as Suzy Lamplugh Trust may have guidance too.

@theflushedzebra That story sounds horrible.

I'm still feeling strange about things after sleeping on it. I can't get my head around why someone would want to do this to anyone, let alone pick me.

Removing him from all social media was a good thing to do. If the man you suspect wasn't the culprit then he'll either not notice or assume you've done it for some other reason - like deactiviating your profile - which has nothing to do with them.

If he is the culprit, he'll know fine well why and I suspect the harrassment will stop. These cowards like to hide behind the cloak of anonymity. There will be nothing so shaming for him as the realization you know who he is.

When I was about 12, I stupidly answered a payphone. The man on the other end said he was doing a survey for C&A I was so naive I believed it when he said I would receive a voucher for answering questions

He started off with casual questions about what I usually wore, then proceeded to ask me about what underwear I was wearing and whether I had hair down below

Obviously I realised eventually and hung up but its stayed with me. Was so creepy, and I was so young

You did the right thing reporting him as I doubt you are the first person he's targeted. Sorry this happened to you

I'm still feeling strange about things after sleeping on it. I can't get my head around why someone would want to do this to anyone, let alone pick me.

I'm sorry. It's just men. I had it in my teens too. All you can do is report it, and hope the police take it seriously.

I was a bit shaken when reporting to the police yesterday and so I forgot the next steps. They have let me know that an officer should call me within 48 hours to ask further questions and decide next steps.

Thanks @Leostar1994, it was - weirdly though, it all stopped after that last terrifying one.

Hope you're ok this morning.

I had one once.

He had phoned me on a mobile. I gave his number to my very loud drunk neughbour one night and we phoned him repeatedly for a good 3 weeks on and off in different accents with her number blocked from phoning. Eventually he started to beg us not to call him. But we continued till his phone was either disconnected or switched off. We also used to send messages to him off a internet text messaging site repeatedly. And i signed his mobile up to lots of different websites and games etc. Id like to think he stopped doing it.

I’d be interested to know if anyone has ever had this sort of call from a woman...

I have just had the police on the phone. They are suggesting that I change my number and remove the personal greeting on my voicemail so that it doesn't say my name. They advised that it isn't in the public interest at this time to investigate further as finding out the number from my network provider may take up to six months and cost £1000. Apparently the networks don't provide this information for free to the police.

I feel a bit sad that they don't want to look into it further at this time.

They suggested I look to change my number or wait to see if I get any more calls.

Those mobile speed vans must be raking in such a fortune - £2.5K in one fell swoop for a Band B fine - that in comparison £1k is chicken feed. Yet it's 'not in the public interest' to protect them from freaky, predatory, creepy men? Yeah, the hell it isn't. It's clear exactly which half of the population our supposed law enforces have precisely zero interest in protecting.

Your update makes me so angry for you, OP, and for women in general. Fuck the patriarchy. Sideways.

I think it's absolutely disgusting that there are huge fees involved in finding out this information. How difficult can it be?

I think you should express your concerns about this (in the strongest possible terms) to the network provider, your local community council and local MP.

There is no way weirdos should be able to get away this this sort of behaviour - even if it is a "one off".

I'm outraged on your behalf OP!

@HotChocWithCream The police woman explained it to me that it's because it covers the administration time spent getting the phone number to the police. Personally I can't see how it takes that long. The police woman also said she would have to fill in "loads of forms" so they can't make it easy for the police the information. You would think in the case of a crime the the network might try to be less obstructive.

In the meantime, this creep, whoever they are, can continue to harass women after woman without being discovered because if they only call you once "then it isn't in the public interest". Apparently it has to happen at least twice to legally be considered harassment and "as you can imagine, we get thousands of individual complaints like this, so our advice is that you look to change your phone number".

@HotChocWithCream *for the police to get the information.

[i]"Apparently it has to happen at least twice to legally be considered harassment and "as you can imagine, we get thousands of individual complaints like this, so our advice is that you look to change your phone number"."[/i]

Presumably many weirdos know this so can phone numerous women and they are safe so long as they only call each woman once!

I hate to say this OP but I kinda hope he does call back - simply so the police can pull their finger out and get the paperwork filled out then the creep can be identified and charged!

@TimeTravellersHat Agree with you completely. The other point that worried me was that she mentioned that these weirdos pass numbers around on the dark web for those that gave them the reactions they wanted. That's frightening in itself that you think you're dealing with one caller and it's actually multiple different ones.

So annoying that there is a means to trace these callers, but it's so rarely used/ so expensive/ made so difficult by the Networks.

These callers also call Samaritans and other helplines with impunity - they know nothing will be done.

@GruciusMalfoy

there must be a sad wanker, trainee sex offender 101 handbook out there .

I'm glad I told him to fk off at the time but I really really wish I'd reported him when I saw him again years later as the local postman, and I had a way of identifying him. I dread to think what else he's done - he was/is creepy. I think it's sometimes the thin end of the wedge for them and I should've reported him.