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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not wanting OH to capture pics of me constantly and send them to his friends / family?

76 replies

LidoJelly · 01/01/2020 20:06

I mean photos of me in public when I’ve told him it annoys me to be constantly under a lens and to have myself ‘documented’ when I’ve looked bad, messy, ill etc

I’ve told him please stop and he thinks I’m being silly as I’m in public but he reluctantly agreed to stop. Yet, I’ve seen on multiple occasions since when he’s had his phone out texting that he’s taken sly full face photos of me at bars, restaurants etc and continues to send them to his friends as a joke or to accompany an update on his day. I am not photogenic so it’s affecting my esteem a bit and hate to always have to feel camera ready. A lot of facial expressions are fine in 3D continuously moving real life interactions but look weird as a 2D still shot and I feel uncomfortable being constantly pepped and I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request to ask him to stop doing it (both him having a reel of full face photos of me and sending them to his friends and relatives). He says I’m being ridiculous since I’m fully clothed and public so he’s within his rights to but rights aside, I would have stopped if someone asked me to if they’re unhappy with me doing it. As someone I’m dating, I feel he should respect that and I should be able to relax on dates without worrying about being photographed slyly constantly.

I totally get that it would be no big deal to some but everyone’s different and I’ve consented to being in a few pics with him at special events etc but not one of those selfie obsessed people.

OP posts:
SavageBeauty73 · 01/01/2020 20:11

That's seriously weird. How long have you been together?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 01/01/2020 20:13

Whether he's 'within his rights' is totally irrelevant. Why would someone who purports to care about you deliberately and consistently do something that he knows upsets you?

lottiegarbanzo · 01/01/2020 20:13

Ugh. You've asked him not to. He should stop because you don't like it. WTF have 'rights' to do with anything?

Indeed, as a member of the public, in a public place, you could be photographed by anyone - that is their right. If rights are what he wants, I think I'd be reducing his access to you to precisely that of 'random member of the public occasionally passing in the street'.

brassbrass · 01/01/2020 20:14

He doesn't respect you or give a shit about how you feel. This is really basic.

Why are you with him?

Cryingoverspilttea · 01/01/2020 20:14

Is this real? Confused He sounds mental.

PrimalLass · 01/01/2020 20:14

Slippery slope. He's not respecting you at all.

NurseButtercup · 01/01/2020 20:16

Does he usually ignore you when you say no or don't feel comfortable doing something he's suggested?

GorkyMcPorky · 01/01/2020 20:16

I would absolutely hate that and would dump him. It sounds stalkerish.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/01/2020 20:19

Is he snapchatting? I have friends who do this constantly, it drives me a bit mad so I'm just on guard around them and try to avoid the camera. Probably not an answer if you live with him, though...

MistyCloud · 01/01/2020 20:20

@LidoJelly

WOW he sounds like an obsessive and disrespectful control freak, as well as a stalker.

This would be a dealbreaker for me sorry. I don't use this word lightly, but he's a cunt.

bringincrazyback · 01/01/2020 20:21

Gawd, this would drive me barmy. And I think the lack of respect for my feelings would make this a dealbreaker for me.

SandyY2K · 01/01/2020 20:21

So he doesn't respect you in other words. Courtship is the probation period for a relationship...wht stick with a man who goes against your wishes like this...using you as a joke.

and continues to send them to his friends as a joke

So you're a joke, which they probably all laugh about.

CodenameVillanelle · 01/01/2020 20:21

Is he your partner or 'someone you're dating'? Because if it's the latter then you should really stop dating him. If the former then a serious word is needed, and if he won't stop, revert to first response.

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2020 20:22

That's well weird.

But welcome to the world of so many children today.

Some can't do anything without their parents taking photos and putting them on social media. Yet I imagine the parents would hate it being done to them.

wineandroses1 · 01/01/2020 20:24

“Within his rights”????? Who does he think he is? Fuck that, the rude twat. I would dump his arse immediately. Seriously Op, he is trampling all over your boundaries. Totally disrespectful. And creepy. Bet his mates are rolling their eyes thinking “why does he keep sending us photos of his GF?”.

FruitcakeOfHate · 01/01/2020 20:26

This person would no longer have access to me to photograph anymore. He's being a negg'ing, disrespectful, creepy arse cunt. You told him NO, he basically told you not only fuck off but also 'Nah, I'm right and I can do what I please with you'. Fuck that.

'This relationship no longer works for me. I need to move on so I am finishing it. Goodbye.' You don't own him anything, no face-to-face, conversation, justifications or apologies because he does not give a fuck about your consent or boundaries. He has zero respect for you and therefore is unworthy of even engaging in discussion.

Get rid!

Aquamarine1029 · 01/01/2020 20:27

For the love of god why are you with this horrible, abusive, controlling fuckwit? He is a world class arsehole.

Lllot5 · 01/01/2020 20:29

If he does it when you’re at a bar or restaurant I’d just get up and walk out.
Really wouldn’t like this at all.
What do his friends and family think keep getting random pics of you.

FannyFifer · 01/01/2020 20:29

Wtf, dump this disrespectful weirdo. Why wld u put up with this.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/01/2020 20:30

The kind of man who focuses on being 'within his rights' is the kind of man who used to view / views but might not say it out loud anymore, sex with his GF as a right.

JustASmallTownCurl · 01/01/2020 20:33

Wtf?! Weird and disrespectful. Like really weird.

It sounds like maybe because you've asked him to stop he's being pig headed about it and doesn't want to concede. Which is just as wankerish if not more than his original behaviour.

I think this would be a dealbreaker for me - he's doing something despite you telling him it makes you uncomfortable, self conscious and less confident.

How long have you been together? He sounds like a nob tbh.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 01/01/2020 20:34

What's his reason for it? Does he think you are beautiful and is showing you off to his friends? Because the alternative is he thinks you're a state and is making fun of you.

I think regardless of his reason once you asked him to stop he should. However, whether I continued the relationship or not would depend on which of the two options above it was.

SteelRiver · 01/01/2020 20:35

He has ignored your request to stop, you having told him how bad it makes you feel, and sends pics of you to his friends as a joke? He's not being very respectful towards you, is he? Red flags would be waving if I were you. I would be thoroughly re-evaluating the relationship just now.

HotChocWithCream · 01/01/2020 20:36

There's no way I'd put up with this. It shows a complete disregard for your feelings. Bin him.

phoenixrosehere · 01/01/2020 20:38

Yanbu.

Dump him. He is knowingly disregarding your feelings and taking pictures of you without your consent. I’m not a picture person either and would have dumped him the second I found out he was still doing it. If he is happy to do this knowing how you feel, what else will he do that he feels is within his “rights”.

I’d be asking what his deal is if he was my friend especially if it is obvious that you aren’t happy with it.