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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not wanting OH to capture pics of me constantly and send them to his friends / family?

76 replies

LidoJelly · 01/01/2020 20:06

I mean photos of me in public when I’ve told him it annoys me to be constantly under a lens and to have myself ‘documented’ when I’ve looked bad, messy, ill etc

I’ve told him please stop and he thinks I’m being silly as I’m in public but he reluctantly agreed to stop. Yet, I’ve seen on multiple occasions since when he’s had his phone out texting that he’s taken sly full face photos of me at bars, restaurants etc and continues to send them to his friends as a joke or to accompany an update on his day. I am not photogenic so it’s affecting my esteem a bit and hate to always have to feel camera ready. A lot of facial expressions are fine in 3D continuously moving real life interactions but look weird as a 2D still shot and I feel uncomfortable being constantly pepped and I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request to ask him to stop doing it (both him having a reel of full face photos of me and sending them to his friends and relatives). He says I’m being ridiculous since I’m fully clothed and public so he’s within his rights to but rights aside, I would have stopped if someone asked me to if they’re unhappy with me doing it. As someone I’m dating, I feel he should respect that and I should be able to relax on dates without worrying about being photographed slyly constantly.

I totally get that it would be no big deal to some but everyone’s different and I’ve consented to being in a few pics with him at special events etc but not one of those selfie obsessed people.

OP posts:
MrsExpo · 01/01/2020 21:14

What they all said above. What the £&*!! Have his “rights” got to do with anything. OP ... the hills are that way .... >>>>> .... start running.

80sstyle · 01/01/2020 21:17

Why does he think his friends and relatives want photos of you? You say he sends them as a joke. So he is mocking you?

Ravenesque · 01/01/2020 21:18

Years ago I wasn't a patient person and had a temper. If phones had been then what they are now and a boyfriend was doing that to me there would have come a point when his phone was snatched out of his hands and stamped to smithereens. These days I'm so patient I almost don't' recognise myself, in a good way, and what I'd do now is simply break up with the boyfriend doing this. It's horrible behaviour, disrespectful, controlling and nasty. It speaks of nastier shit down the line. Nothing good can come of this and nothing that is positive in the relationship (whatever that might be) can make up for this creepy behaviour. Leave him.

MitziK · 01/01/2020 21:21

In some ways it's a difficult one - I pointed out to DP once that I were to suddenly disappear/be abducted by aliens, the only photo they'd be able to use on appeals would be the --crappy- one on my work ID, as he never takes photos of us/me. Now he has about five - which has taken him around 7 years to do. And there are around 9 photos in existence on the planet of me from birth - 18 but about 500 of my mother's cats, because they were more interesting to her than me.

Could you possibly agree with him that you approve any he intends to send on?

Cherrysoup · 01/01/2020 21:25

This is so weird. You’ve told him no, he still does it? I’d go fucking nuts at him. It’s not on if you’ve said no.

Waterfor1 · 01/01/2020 21:25

Sounds like he is using your photos for a fake account or snapchat. I would not be surprised if he is also photoing you asleep, naked..etc. id cease and delete all my pics on his phone and dump him.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 01/01/2020 21:26

God i'd hate this...I freeze in fear when someone shoves a phone or camera in my face....I look hideous in photographs and would be a nervous wreck if my partner was doing this to me.
An ex from a few years ago took a really unflattering pic of me and sent it to his mates on a whatsapp group chat....I went absolutely ballistic...I stormed out...drove 45 mins home and did not speak to him for days....Just one of the many reasons he is now an ex.

Babooshkar · 01/01/2020 21:31

How old is he?

He sounds like a total nob with zero respect.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 01/01/2020 21:31

He thinks his 'rights' to take and share your picture trumps your actual feelings.

dump him. he's an arse.

ProfessionalBoss · 01/01/2020 21:32

Why are you even with this disrespectful creep?

BumbleBeee69 · 01/01/2020 21:33

He sounds like a total nob with zero respect

This...

MulticolourMophead · 01/01/2020 21:33

I'd be worried about being filmed/photos taken in my sleep, or even a camera set up unbeknown to me.

He should be respecting you, and he isn't. Not when he's sounding off about his "rights" rather than accepting you aren't comfortable about the photos.

I wonder what he's really up to? I'd be trying to make sure all images of me were deleted, then dump him.

Hollyhobbi · 01/01/2020 21:35

New Year's Day and my first ltb!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/01/2020 21:35

Beware a partner who won’t accept your boundaries. You have said no but he is carrying on because what he wants matters more to him than what you want.

BrendasUmbrella · 01/01/2020 21:36

How long have you been with him? Honestly this would be a relationship killer for me. Particularly if he is sending your pictures as a joke. It doesn't sound like he has any respect for you.

Wildorchidz · 01/01/2020 21:40

How long have you been with him?

Thinkingabout1t · 01/01/2020 21:44

I like taking photos of friends and family, and sending them the photos if they look good. I wouldn’t dream of putting them online or sending them to anyone else. Your boyfriend’s behaviour is horrible (what are these “jokes” he’s sharing with his friends?). Be glad he’s shown you what a jerk he is before you got any more involved with him. If he’s so contemptuous now, think how badly he would treat you if you stayed with him.

Sparklfairy · 01/01/2020 21:45

What about your right to privacy?

StrangeLookingParasite · 01/01/2020 22:12

Why would someone who purports to care about you deliberately and consistently do something that he knows upsets you?

Exactly. He sounds like an utter arsehole.

MarieKlepto · 01/01/2020 22:17

For context, I hate being photographed, my husband knows this and because of this doesn't often do it, never shares. Recently we were somewhere special and he said that he would love to share a pic of us on Facebook. I'm trying not to be so self-conscious so I said yes. Unasked, he took a gazillion selfies of us and insisted I choose which one to share (even if he looked like a bag of crap). In the end I didn't choose the best one of me, I chose the best one of us both.

comesavemenow · 01/01/2020 22:28

How long have you been together? This is beyond creepy on so many levels. 1- he takes your pictures despite you telling him that you don't like it. and 2 he then goes on to share it with everyone he knows. What a bellend ...and this the most decent word I can think of. I would be infuriated and thrown his phone and broken it if someone did that to me.. Well on a less extreme basis I would take his phone off him and delete all my pictures. He is being very disrespectful towards you. What are his redeeming qualities?

BecauseReasons · 01/01/2020 22:33

Woah. What a creep! I'd be kicking him to the kerb if I were you- is the low self-esteem you mention the reason you've stuck it out thus far? Or has he successfully gaslighted you into believing that his behaviour isn't totally freakish and utterly disrespectful?

katy1213 · 01/01/2020 22:38

I'd hate this. And I wouldn't date a moron who had to post his insignificant life on social media.

Vehivle · 02/01/2020 00:44

He sounds horrible. Dump his ass.

Marcipex · 02/01/2020 01:30

It’s a huge red flag...what are you doing with this jerk?