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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not wanting OH to capture pics of me constantly and send them to his friends / family?

76 replies

LidoJelly · 01/01/2020 20:06

I mean photos of me in public when I’ve told him it annoys me to be constantly under a lens and to have myself ‘documented’ when I’ve looked bad, messy, ill etc

I’ve told him please stop and he thinks I’m being silly as I’m in public but he reluctantly agreed to stop. Yet, I’ve seen on multiple occasions since when he’s had his phone out texting that he’s taken sly full face photos of me at bars, restaurants etc and continues to send them to his friends as a joke or to accompany an update on his day. I am not photogenic so it’s affecting my esteem a bit and hate to always have to feel camera ready. A lot of facial expressions are fine in 3D continuously moving real life interactions but look weird as a 2D still shot and I feel uncomfortable being constantly pepped and I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request to ask him to stop doing it (both him having a reel of full face photos of me and sending them to his friends and relatives). He says I’m being ridiculous since I’m fully clothed and public so he’s within his rights to but rights aside, I would have stopped if someone asked me to if they’re unhappy with me doing it. As someone I’m dating, I feel he should respect that and I should be able to relax on dates without worrying about being photographed slyly constantly.

I totally get that it would be no big deal to some but everyone’s different and I’ve consented to being in a few pics with him at special events etc but not one of those selfie obsessed people.

OP posts:
Throckmorton · 01/01/2020 20:40

Red flag central. Save yourself a lot of time and heartache and dump him now

Elieza · 01/01/2020 20:43

It starts at something like this, annoying but not dangerous, but if he continues to disrespect you where will it lead? Will he start ignoring your wishes about other things?

Dealbreaker for me I’m afraid. He doesn’t think your requests are valid for some reason. Who knows what it is because your request seems perfectly valid to me.

They are all laughing at you apparently. I wouldn’t allow myself to be his joke any longer. Tell him to snapchat this as you lift your middle finger in a photographic gesture and leave him.

Intensicle · 01/01/2020 20:49

How long have you been with the creepy man who doesn’t respect your feelings?

olivertwistwantsmore · 01/01/2020 20:49

He says I’m being ridiculous since I’m fully clothed and public so he’s within his rights

Wtf? What sort of selfish, mean spirited bellend would keep on doing something he knew you hated? He sends his mates pics of you to laugh at?

Dump his sorry arse, the disrespectful pig. Then send a message to all his friends telling them he’s dumped - and why! What a git.

BaolFan · 01/01/2020 20:49

This would be a dealbreaker - what a twat. Within his rights? To do something that you've repeatedly told him you don't like and which makes you uncomfortable?

One can only hope he has some other redeeming qualities because he sounds like a selfish cunt.

WitchfromSpitchwick · 01/01/2020 20:51

Public or not you asked him to stop he wont. Fuck him off.

Chloemol · 01/01/2020 20:53

Well he doesn’t care about you does he if he continues to do this. So why are you staying with him? His refusal to stop doing something that upsets you would be a deal breaker for me

1Morewineplease · 01/01/2020 20:55

He clearly doesn’t care about your feelings.
Are you prepared to continue with this behaviour?
If not, then you know what to do.
Sorry.

Chocolate1984 · 01/01/2020 20:55

You’ve told him you don’t like it, you’ve asked him to stop. He should stop. I don’t even understand why he is doing it in the first place. It’s weird.

nettie434 · 01/01/2020 20:56

He says I’m being ridiculous since I’m fully clothed and public so he’s within his rights

'Rights' is a really worrying word. His right to do something you don't want? His right to make you upset? I would find this really upsetting. He can take selfies if he is so keen on sharing images.

AlwaysCheddar · 01/01/2020 20:57

Dump his disrespectful arse! He’s violating you constantly.

PositiveVibez · 01/01/2020 20:58

He sounds like a creepy, boundary-crossing, controlling sleazebag.

You have asked him multiple times to stop, so he took it upon himself to ignore your request and keep on taking pictures, without your permission, on the sky and continued to send them to his friends.

Horrible behaviour and a HUGE red flag.

PositiveVibez · 01/01/2020 20:58

*on the sly

Whatnowagnes · 01/01/2020 20:59

This is what lots of children cope with every day. But with no way to make a parent stop

MsVestibule · 01/01/2020 21:00

The whole thing is weird but that the thing that jumped out at me (and many others) is that he says he is 'within his rights' to do this. Fuck what you want, if he's legally entitled to do it, he will. You do realise how odd that is, don't you? I really don't mean that in a patronising way - I just know some people have had bad relationships in the past and have lost sight of what's normal.

Mlou32 · 01/01/2020 21:03

Me and my partner do this to each other, sneaky pics to hopefully catch an unflattering angle then zoom in and send it to each other 😂😂😂 It's just a really immature joke between us however neither of us minds...too much 😂

If you've told him how uncomfortable it makes you feel though and he continues to do it then it would really piss me off. I'd speak to him not while he's doing it but at a time when you've got his attention and let him know exactly how you feel and that if he had any respect for you or your feelings then he would stop.

C8H10N4O2 · 01/01/2020 21:03

He says I’m being ridiculous since I’m fully clothed and public so he’s within his rights to but rights aside

He isn't, as he needs your consent to publish but as PP's say - that is almost trivial compared to the fact that he feels entitled to ignore you and claim rights over you.

How long has this git been pushing boundaries and which other boundaries is he trampling over?

Theluggagerules · 01/01/2020 21:04

He sounds horrible, and like he's ready to justify anything he does, regardless of your happiness

Bluerussian · 01/01/2020 21:05

I understand you perfectly, I don't allow any photographs of me to be displayed publicly.

Spaceprincess · 01/01/2020 21:06

Urgh. My ex FIL does this, I asked him not to and he said he would. Caught him again many times and was told 'I am making memories ' 🤢 Even when at the hospital where his sister was dying...
Since then caught his son (ex DH) filming me while I slept..now we are divorced and DS 9 complains about grandad taking pictures. I'm still fighting this battle, they are still fucked up weirdos

OhDearMe2019 · 01/01/2020 21:09

Yes, this is so disrespectful! Next time you're at a bar and he slyly takes a pic of you, grab his phone to look at it and "accidentally" drop it in your beer!

Junie70 · 01/01/2020 21:10

Send him a photo - of yourself holding up a "you're dumped because you don't listen to me" sign and see how funny he finds it.

Seriously, if someone can't respect your feelings, they don't actually like you that much - and they certainly don't love you.

Giraffey1 · 01/01/2020 21:10

It’s very disrespectful. He should care about you but he is persistently ignoring your perfectly reasonable request not to take photos. I think I’d have to take him to task on this. Ask him why he thinks it is acceptable to blatantly ignore your wishes and why your feelings matter so little to him. Tell him if he can’t stop doing it you aren’t sure that you want to be with him any more. After all, why would you stay with someone who is so unkind?

Jupiters · 01/01/2020 21:13

He does not respect you or your wishes. Get rid.

OverByYer · 01/01/2020 21:14

Is he doing this because he likes the way you look or is he doing it to make fun of you?
Not that it matters as you have told him not to do it. He sounds very immature